


My Only Drug

by Nomundanes



Category: The Bane Chronicles, The Shadowhunter Chronicles
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fluff, M/M, Malec, Multi, Sizzy - Freeform, Smut, clace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-26
Updated: 2016-06-01
Packaged: 2018-07-10 10:02:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 52,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6978829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nomundanes/pseuds/Nomundanes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>College AU. Alec is a hopeless musician, but going to music school and writing songs for his band isn't all he has to worry about, when he suddenly finds a new obsession – Magnus Bane. Being the eccentric song writer he is, Alec finds himself infatuated by his new muse, and he just can't help how drawn he is by the desire he feels for this man.<br/>(Originally posted at ff.net under the same username and title)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. New Bandmates

“New Bandmates”

'Auditions for The Mortal Instruments'

“This is hopeless,” Alec sighed. They’d been listening to auditions all day, and his ears were hurting by now. No one matched the kind of music they were playing in their indie rock band ‘The Mortal Instruments’. They had been great the past year, gaining lots of popularity on campus and around town, but it was all due to Aline’s vocals. She was amazing, and Alec dreaded the thought of her leaving New York for Berkeley and her Californian girlfriend Helen. Aline was going to do great things in San Fransisco, where she no doubt belonged. Although, that didn’t change the fact that Alec would miss her and her sweet voice singing his and the other’s lyrics. More than that, he didn’t like change. The four of them had known each other forever, and they’d always been a group even before they started the band.  
“We need vocals, Alec. We have to find someone, don’t be so pessimistic,” Izzy sighed. She was probably just as frustrated.  
“I’m really sorry you guys,” Aline apologized for the millionth time.  
“Berkeley is a great opportunity for you, Aline, don’t apologize,” Izzy replied, also for the millionth time.  
“Why can’t you just sing?” Alec wondered, looking at his sister. He knew why; Izzy wasn’t a very good singer. She was great with a guitar though, probably even better than Jace. Izzy just scowled at him.  
“Come on, lighten up. We only just started searching,” Jace interrupted, before the two of them could start bickering like true siblings.  
That’s when she walked in – the girl who would help change Alec’s life forever, but he had no idea that this change would be good for him.  
“Hi, I’m Clary, and this is Simon,” the redheaded girl said, introducing her nerdy looking friend. On each side of Alec, Izzy and Jace were smirking and checking out the newcomers. The redhead was very indie chic, with pearls in her long curly hair and earthy colored clothes. The guy wore brown skinny jeans and a T-shirt with a drawing on it that Alec didn’t recognize. He had horn-rimmed glasses, which was really what finished his looks.  
“I’m sorry, we’re only looking for a singer,” Alec said. The guy, Simon, had a guitar with him; an acoustic, and although they only had electric guitar and bass guitar, he didn’t think they needed anything else.  
“I sing too,” the guy shrugged.  
“Let’s just hear them sing,” Jace smiled. Alec looked to Aline for help, but she just shrugged.  
Simon started playing, and soon both of them were singing in perfect harmony. Alec cursed himself for thinking it, but they were probably even better than Aline. He could now understand why they were two, because the two of them were so in sync it seemed a shame to split them up.  
“Maybe we have limited our vision for the band? Maybe we need two singers,” Jace suggested, once they had finished singing. The girl smiled hugely at that.  
“Are you kidding? They are practically already a band! Why do you want to be in our band?” Alec asked. He thought it was a reasonable question.  
“Alec, don’t be rude!” Izzy exclaimed.  
“It’s a fair question, and a compliment, I mean, you’re good just the way you are?” He wasn’t lying, but he also didn’t want these two in his band, because he could sense how eager Izzy and Jace were to just jump these two, and it wasn’t appropriate if they wanted them in the band.  
“Honestly, we just love your band. We’ve been fans from the very beginning, and the main reason is that we don’t write our own music like you do,” Clary explained.  
“What are you studying here?” Izzy asked.  
“I’m in graphic design,” the girl replied.  
“I’m currently in the documentary media studies, and I might have ulterior motives getting in your band,” the guy said.  
“Is that so?” Jace wondered.  
“I would want to film a lot of the stuff we do as a band, it would be a great way to promote you as well,” he said.  
“So you don’t want to sing?”  
“Yes I do, I want to sing, if you want me to. But I wouldn’t be disappointed if you didn’t want me in all of your songs. I know you’re used to a female voice,” he said. Alec knew then that he’d lost, and they were definitely going to be part of the band.  
“You’re in,” Izzy replied quickly.  
“Wait, shouldn’t we vote or something?” Alec objected.  
“I vote for them to be in the band,” Jace shrugged. Alec looked at Aline again.  
“I’m sorry, I’m not in the band anymore, but I would vote for them too. They’re a great fit,” she shrugged apologetically.  
Everything was decided then, they would start practicing with them in the evening and Alec couldn’t object to any of it, even if he did write most of the songs. He knew it was probably a bit odd for the drummer to write songs, but he’d always had so many words he needed to get off his chest, and so he’d found his calling. He just didn’t want to sing them himself, mainly because he didn’t really have the voice for it.  
…  
Practice started with one of the band’s more popular songs, because Clary and Simon knew that one by heart. Although they claimed they knew all the songs by heart, Alec was sure he had never seen them at one of their concerts before, or Jace would have probably noticed Clary. It seemed like his best friend couldn’t take his eyes off the girl, and it was starting to get on Alec’s nerves.  
“Jace!” he exclaimed in the middle of a song, when Jace wasn’t even trying to concentrate. “You’re off beat!”  
“Sorry, man. Geez, relax, we’re just practicing,” Jace said.  
“You’ve played the song a thousand times, you should know it by now!” Alec exclaimed.  
“Okay, let’s take it from the top,” Izzy interrupted.  
The evening seemed to go on forever, and though by the end of the night they were practically ready to perform at least five songs perfectly, Alec couldn’t shake the feeling that he was losing his band as it was originally.  
Afterwards they agreed to have a beer, and get to know each other better as a band. Simon found his camera and started filming them as they hung out.  
“How did you come up with the name? The Mortal Instruments sounds more like a metal band?” Simon asked.  
“We were originally going to play punk rock, but we just adjusted to the time. I think indie rock is evolving and gaining popularity faster than punk rock,” Jace explained.  
“Along with Alec’s haircut,” Izzy joked. Alec scowled at her.  
“Chicks love my man-bun, FYI,” Alec replied.  
“Do they? Then why do I never see you with anyone?” she said, but she seemed to regret it as soon as she’d said it. Alec looked at his beer. He’d had plenty of offers from girls after shows, but he’d never really found the right fit. He’d always just gotten drunk and made out with someone randomly. He was finally defining his looks, but he had never felt more confused about who he was than he was now.  
“So you have some punk rock songs you never play anymore?” Simon continued to interview them, and Alec felt grateful for the change of subject.  
“Of course. We’re always making new songs, well, Alec is mostly writing the songs, we help sometimes,” Jace said.  
“What do you think changed? In your songwriting, making them more indie?” Simon turned the camera towards Alec.  
“I just go with the flow. I think my influences changed. I grew up listening to a lot of rock and metal, but my horizon widened when I got here,” Alec shrugged.  
“What are your influences now?”  
“I really like Death Cab for Cutie and Arcade Fire.”  
“I really like Uh Huh Her at the moment. I really love electropop,” Izzy said, getting Simon’s attention with the camera.  
“Oh my god, yes, I just discovered their music recently. It’s with that girl from The L Word, right?” Clary asked.  
“Exactly,” Izzy smiled at the redhead, looking impressed. “You’ve seen the show?”  
“I’ve seen some of it on TV,” Clary blushed.  
“What’s the… L Word?” Jace asked.  
“It’s a TV show about a group of lesbians in L.A. Aline and I watched a lot of it together last year,” Izzy explained. Jace’s eyes shifted back to Clary with an odd expression, and Alec detected the curiosity in his friend’s eyes.  
“I’m not… I mean, I have had a crush on Aline for quite some time, but every girl on campus has at some point. She’s a legend,” Clary shrugged, her cheeks flushed red.  
“It’s college. It’s more embarrassing if you haven’t had any girl crushes,” Izzy shrugged casually.  
“Oh gosh,” Jace rolled his head back and looked at the ceiling, as if he’d just had some big revelation he couldn’t handle. “You and Aline?” he looked back at Izzy. Alec’s sister looked smug now.  
“Yeah, so? She wanted to know if she was really a lesbian, and I offered,” she grinned. Alec thought he might have thrown up a little in his mouth, so he swallowed some of his beer to wash away the horror of thinking of his sister with anyone, and much worse – experimenting.  
“Huh. I made out with her once, too,” Jace shrugged.  
“Oh, I didn’t just make out with her,” Izzy bit her lip and Alec had had enough.  
“Okay, time for me to call it a night,” Alec got to his feet.  
“What, you didn’t go there too?” Jace raised an eyebrow in disbelief.  
“No, Aline is my best friend. I just don’t feel the need to listen to my sister’s sexual experience,” he admitted and left the party.  
He was tired, because it had been a long day after all. Alec walked back to his dorm. It was a weeknight, but there were always people up at this hour of the night. He ignored them tonight, there were always someone jamming in the common area, and sometimes he joined them. But tonight he just felt like going to sleep. He didn’t know what this feeling inside of him was, but it made him irritated. Izzy and Jace had instantly taken a liking to Clary and Simon, but he felt left out. He was nearly certain he wouldn’t get the same connection to them as he had with Aline. That’s probably it – he was going to miss his friend, when she moved to California.  
Despite how tired he felt, Alec lay down on his bed with his laptop and started writing a new song. His songs were usually about nothing and everything all at once. He had songs that represented different emotions, or certain issues. They weren’t a political band, but they did have some songs about social justice, mostly the ones Aline had helped write; she was very much into equal opportunities, as was the rest of them. He’d made a few love songs, but they had never been any good, since he had no idea what it felt like to be in love, so they often ended up being ambiguous songs about infatuation. When he realized he was writing an angry song, he put away his laptop and tried to get some sleep. He felt restless, but he managed to get some sleep before class next morning.  
…  
“Are you alright? You look tired?” Izzy wondered, when he met up with her and Aline at the airport. “Like beyond the usual.”  
“I’m fine,” he shrugged.  
“He’s just emo, it’s part of the look,” Aline winked and ruffled his hair. Alec wrapped his arm around Aline.  
“I’m just gonna miss you. That’s all,” he said, his lips against her hair. She was so small he had to lean down; he was always taller than everyone. That’s part of why he liked being the drummer – he could hide in the back and no one would see him towering the others. He’d started his musical career playing piano, but he’d given that up years ago, when he needed to decide which instrument he wanted to focus on.  
“You guys, I’ll miss you. But you know, there’s always Skype,” Aline hugged him back, and then gave Izzy her goodbyes. Alec and his sister watched as their best friend walked towards her gate.  
“Is that tears in your eyes?” Izzy looked up at him. He frowned, shoved her gently and turned to walk out of the airport.  
“No,” he retorted, but wiped his eyes just in case. He was gonna make a song about this goodbye, it would have to be called ‘See You Soon’.  
“You should have stayed last night. Simon and Clary are great,” Izzy caught up to him, despite her short legs and high heels.  
“I’m sure they are,” he replied flatly.  
“Are you jealous or something?”  
“What? Why would I be…?” He stopped walking, and she almost ran into him.  
“I don’t know, Alec. I just know you have been sulking ever since we started looking for new members,” she threw her arms up with exasperation.  
“She’s my best friend, I’m used to seeing her every day, and now I won’t,” Alec replied. It wasn’t just that, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He’d been putting his mind into the music for so long, he’d never quite addressed those feelings of sadness that came out once in a while.  
“Jace and me are your best friends too?” she said. Deep down, he knew she would miss Aline just as much. The four of them were family. “And who knows, maybe Simon and Clary will become your best friends too?”  
“You’re right,” he smiled, and hoped it hid his depressed mood a bit. They were playing this weekend for the first time with their new bandmates, and he would just have to put all of his unknown frustration out on the drums.  
…  
When weekend came and it was time to play the first gig as a new band, Alec had needed a few shots of tequila to get his nerves under control. They’d been practicing every night, and the four of them were really bonding, but Alec didn’t feel it. He felt himself slip further and further away from everyone. He was truly becoming the fifth wheel.  
It was one of their regular gigs, so there wasn’t too much pressure, but he still felt on edge tonight. Clary and Simon had been doing great at practice, so there was really no reason for him to be nervous.  
Halfway through the gig, he looked down at the crowd. There weren’t a lot of people, but there was enough. A couple stood out to him though – a woman with platinum blonde hair in a red dress and a man with black hair and dark skin dressed in black and gold – they didn’t look like their regular crowd, but there was something captivating about them. Alec couldn’t take his eyes off them for the rest of the show. They didn’t move to the music like the rest of the crowd, they just observed.  
After the show the band always stayed around and got free beers from fans, when no one was checking their ID. This was the part Izzy and Jace seemed to enjoy the most, because they liked the attention it gave them. People were always interested in hearing their stories, and they were always willing to tell the craziest parts. Simon had his camera ready, and Clary slipped away to sit next to Alec away from the crowd.  
“I’m usually pretty good at sensing when people don’t like me. I’m sorry if I did something to step on your toes, but I want us to be friends – or at least friendly, if you dislike me that much,” she said hurriedly. Alec blinked for a moment. She was so honest, and it was kind of new to him to see that in a stranger. Well, she was a stranger to him.  
“You didn’t. I just take some time to warm up to people, I guess. I don’t like changes,” he admitted.  
“Really? I could have sworn from the way you and Jace interact that it had something to do with him?” she asked.  
“What do you mean?”  
“I’ve seen the way Jace looks at me, and I’ve seen the way you look at Jace,” she said.  
“Look, I know what you’re implying, and you’re wrong,” he said, but his pulse was racing as he said it, because deep down he probably knew she wasn’t entirely clueless.  
“Alright,” she held her hands up in defeat, “I’m sorry. I just want us to get along,” she said.  
The couple from the audience came up to them and interrupted the conversation. The guy, who Alec could now tell was part Asian, was staring at Alec intensely, and he was surprised to find that it didn’t make him all that uncomfortable.  
“Magnus Bane?” Clary exclaimed with joy.  
“Hi Clary, how are you? Well, maybe that’s a dumb question, obviously you’re doing very well. That was an excellent performance, I didn’t know you could sing like that,” he said. If possible, this man’s voice was even more mesmerizing than his looks. Alec was in awe, and quite frankly, he felt a certain sense of pleasure from the attention the man gave him, whenever his gaze turned back to Alec.  
“Thank you!” Clary beamed.  
“I just had lunch with your mother the other day, and she told me you were in a band. I had to check it out,” he continued, but each time he finished talking to Clary, his gaze kept turning back to Alec.  
“That’s very kind of you. Uhm, this is Alec, he writes most of the songs,” she introduced. Alec held out his hand.  
“Hi,” was all he managed to reply. When this man looked at him, he momentarily forgot how to breathe.  
“Magnus teaches at The New School,” Clary explained.  
“Piano,” Magnus said. “This is Camille Belcourt, upcoming composer.” The blonde girl gave them a superficial smile.  
“Pleasure,” she said, despite her body language saying something completely different.  
“I really like the songs. Have you written for anyone yet?” Magnus asked Alec, and he was stunned for a moment, before coming back to his senses. This guy had a way of both being completely casual, and still make Alec feel like he was completely focused on him.  
“Erh, no, I haven’t,” he shrugged.  
“You will,” he smiled at him, and it was the most charming smile Alec had ever seen. That was saying a lot when your best friend was Jace Herondale.  
“Magnus, I thought we were leaving? I thought we were going to Pandemonium?” Camille interrupted.  
“Right. Pandemonium. Are you going?” Magnus asked, looking at Alec. He’d never been to the Pandemonium before, because you always needed to get on the guest list.  
“We’re not on the list,” Clary said what Alec had been thinking.  
“Too bad,” Magnus gave Alec one last charming smile and left. Alec didn’t stop staring until they were out of sight, and he didn’t notice he had been staring until he noticed Clary grinning at him knowingly.  
“What?” he exclaimed.  
“He’s cute,” she said.  
“So what?”  
“You don’t think so?” she wondered sweetly.  
“What do you care?”  
“I don’t. I completely do not care,” she said, pronouncing each word carefully.  
“Don’t tell the others,” he said, just to be safe.  
“Tell them what?” she wondered innocently.  
“That I… stared? I don’t know why I did that,” Alec said, and readjusted his hair nervously.  
“I do. I saw that ass too,” she winked at him.  
“What? That’s not…” Dammit, he hadn’t even noticed Magnus’ ass. Shit, why did he care so much? “He’s friends with your mom?”  
“Yeah, they’re colleagues. My mom teaches art?” she reminded him. He wasn’t sure he’d heard her say that before, but he’d probably just forgotten about it.  
“Right. And you make a habit of checking out your mom’s colleagues’ asses?”  
Now she was grinning at him. Was she making fun of him? This was turning into a very odd situation, and Alec didn’t even know what was going on.  
“No, I don’t,” she suppressed a giggle. “But I could probably put in a good word for you, if you want?”  
That was it, that triggered Alec, he grabbed her arm and dragged her out of the room.  
“Alec, you’re hurting me! What are you doing?” she exclaimed.  
“You need to stop whatever it is you think you’re doing,” he thundered.  
“You need to let go of my arm,” she replied. She was half his size, but she didn’t seem surprised or scared, she seemed just as angry as him now. “Look, I’m just trying to help.”  
“With what, exactly?”  
“Magnus knows a lot of people, if he likes your songs, then maybe he can help you sell them,” she explained. Alec felt his cheeks heat up. He’d never felt this embarrassed before. Had that been all she’d been talking about? It had seemed like she’d implied something else. He wiped his face with his palms. “Look,” she took a step closer to him, and lowered her voice, “if there’s any other reason why you would want me to put in a good word for you, I wouldn’t mind. I think he kind of liked you. He barely looked at me when he talked to us,” she whispered. Alec had calmed himself down now, and he didn’t blow up again. Who was he kidding? The attention from Magnus had felt amazing, and he had had a certain feeling he couldn’t quite put a name to. It was his college years, maybe it was the time to ‘experiment’ like Izzy had? It might help him get his anger issues under control, if he found out once and for all, what he’d been worrying about for so long, yet never really had the guts to admit to himself. “Oh gosh, Alec?” she looked at him compassionately, and brushed his arms with her small hands. Was he having a minor breakdown right now? His head was spinning.  
“Clary? Are you guys alright?” Jace asked. Alec didn’t have to turn around to recognize his best friend’s voice from the back door entrance.  
“Yeah everything is fine. I think Alec’s beer might have been bad, I’m going to take him home,” she replied.  
“Do you want me to come, Alec?” Jace asked.  
“No, it’s fine, I got it. Just go back inside,” Clary said quickly, before Alec could respond. He looked into her green eyes, and all he met was kindness. Maybe she wasn’t so bad after all?  
“Okay. Well, call me, if you need anything.” And Jace was gone.  
“Thanks. I don’t know why you just did that though?” Alec wondered, calming himself down finally.  
“You didn’t seem like you wanted to talk to anyone. Do you want to talk to me?” she asked. He had a feeling that if he said ‘no’, she wouldn’t hold it against him, she would just accept it, which was exactly why he said the opposite.  
“Sure. Thanks,” he replied.  
They started walking towards campus. It wasn’t far, and the others would take care of their gear.  
“I sometimes tend to push people over the edge. I never mean to, I mean, my intentions are always good,” she shrugged apologetically.  
“Really, I haven’t noticed,” he said wryly. She giggled. “You remind me of Aline actually.”  
“Thank you. That’s a compliment, right?”  
“Yes, it is. She never pushed me to talk about… you know,” he waved his hand as if it would explain what he was trying to say.  
“Your attractions towards specific people?” she offered sweetly.  
“Right. I just never addressed it before. I mean, I’ve never really looked at someone and just thought… fuuuck,” the last word came out as a long sigh, as he thought about Magnus’ perfect features – his golden eyes, prominent cheekbones and that smile.  
“Until you laid eyes on Magnus?” she asked. Alec had been staring at the pavement, but looked up at her. “You’ve really never felt attracted to someone before?” she asked. Alec had to think about it for a moment. He’d always thought the girls he made out with were attractive, but had he been attracted to them? He just knew he’d never felt as drawn to someone as he had just moments ago in the pub.  
“I don’t know.”  
“I guess, as an artist it just feels natural to me to get attracted to many people,” she shrugged.  
“I thought you were in graphic design?”  
“I draw in my spare time. I always have. I’m used to seeing beauty in everything, or creating beauty around something that might lack it,” she explained.  
Once they got to campus, Alec found that he actually liked talking to this girl. Maybe he’d been a bit quick to just dismiss her.  
“Could you keep our little talk a secret from the others?” he asked, a bit embarrassed he had to ask. He just knew Jace and Izzy would be unbearable if they knew he was questioning his sexuality.  
“It’s none of their business,” she smiled softly.  
“Thanks Clary. I’m sorry I was so hard on you,” he admitted.  
“You seem like a really protective person. I can understand why you won’t just let anyone into your group.”  
“I’m glad you understand,” he said, and decided to give her a hug. It seemed like the right end to the talk they’d had, though he probably wouldn’t make a habit of it.  
…  
“So what did Magnus Bane want?” Izzy asked the next day, when she and Jace came into Alec’s room. He hadn’t been sleeping all night, because he’d been up writing two new songs for them, but after he’d finished the lyrics, he wasn’t really sure he wanted to show them to anyone just yet. They seemed very personal suddenly.  
“What?” he wondered, acting dumb.  
“Yesterday? I saw him and that bimbo Camille Belcourt come over to you and Clary?” she explained, saying Camille’s name with disgust. It wasn’t like Izzy to talk badly about other women. She was always very open about being a feminist and supporting fellow members of the female gender, and it made Alec think maybe Camille had stepped on Izzy’s toes somehow.  
“He liked our music,” Alec shrugged.  
“Really? That is so cool,” Izzy said dreamily. “You know he’s a legend here at the university?”  
“He is? Haven’t heard of him before?” Jace shrugged.  
“He dates a lot of students. He’s practically famous for it.”  
“He’s a piano teacher,” Alec interrupted, because for some reason he didn’t want to hear what Izzy was saying.  
“Huh, how about that,” Jace replied, bored to death. “And who was the chick?”  
“Camille, she’s such a bitch. She’s in one of my courses, and she just thinks she so much better than everyone,” Izzy rolled her eyes.  
“Maybe she is?” Jace shrugged, and Izzy glared at him.  
“She really isn’t,” she just replied.  
“So how are you feeling, man?” Jace asked. Alec had to think for a moment, and remembered something about the lie about bad beer.  
“Much better. Thanks. I was actually just writing some new songs,” he shrugged.  
“I wanna hear it,” Izzy said.  
“It’s not ready yet.”  
“Since when did that matter?” she asked and took his computer. He’d been dumb enough to keep the program running, when his friends had walked in. Izzy started playing the music, while she and Jace looked at the lyrics. Alec knew it was really bad, and they would see right through him. “This is really good. Like excellent good!” Izzy rejoiced. “What’s not ready?”  
“Dude, we outta get you bad beer more often,” Jace smirked. That’s it, he was seeing right through Alec’s lie.  
“Okay, that’s enough,” Alec said and pressed escape.  
“Who… erh…” Izzy for once had difficulty asking. “Who is giving you these feelings?” Though she probably tried to sound casual in her question, she failed miserably.  
“No one,” Alec replied quickly.  
“No one, Izzy. It was the bad beer,” Jace teased.  
“Magnus Bane?” Izzy asked.  
“Maybe it was Camille?” Alec offered.  
“The first person you ever feel the need to write such song about is not Camille Belcourt,” Izzy sighed dramatically.  
“Why not?”  
“You’re a hipster, and she’s… fake. Completely fake,” Izzy explained. Alec frowned, and Izzy took a deep breath. “Alec, I think you’re gay,” she said, her voice covered with warmth and compassion.  
“I’m not gay,” Alec sniggered.  
“You’re probably gay, dude,” Jace shrugged. Alec had always had a lot of feelings, but never ones as strong as the desire he felt when he’d looked at Magnus, and apparently it showed in his song. He was probably gay. He was almost twenty years old, and he’d never had any relationships. He’d only always had dates, which he never liked. Alec sighed. He was probably gay.  
“Is it the song? Is it too gay?” he asked.  
“No, it’s beautiful. That’s the point. That sort of desire shouldn’t be ignored,” she explained. “I think you should at least explore it,” she suggested. Alec frowned again. “It’s natural. If you like it, you like it, if you don’t, well, then you know,” she added. Jace patted Alec’s shoulder.  
“What she said,” he contributed.  
“Thanks, I think.”


	2. Band Practice

Practice, Day 1

“Alec, I have to tell you something,” Clary whispered, when they met for band practice. Alec walked with Clary out into the hallway.   
“What’s up?” he asked. She looked like she might have done something bad.   
“Magnus asked me for your number, and I know I should have asked you first, but after the talk we had I just…”  
“You gave him my number?” he figured.   
“Yes.”  
“It’s fine,” he smiled casually. She gave him a funny look for response, but dropped it when he just continued to smile at her in a friendly way.  
“Good. I hope he’ll call you then,” she smiled back and walked back in for band practice.   
Inside they were all setting up and getting ready to play.  
“Sharing secrets, are we?” Jace wriggled his eyebrows at them as they walked back in to join the group.  
“It’s private,” Clary answered quickly.  
“She gave Magnus my number,” Alec shrugged. Izzy squealed and Jace put a finger in his ear to ease the noise.   
“You told them?” Clary looked impressed.  
“They figured it out,” he shrugged.   
“He made a song about it,” Izzy said proudly. Clary looked even more surprised now.   
“Really? After one meeting?”  
“Could we stop talking about Alec’s feelings now?” Alec suggested. The three of them broke into murmurs of “yeah” and “sure”, and Alec noticed Simon had found his camera and started filming the entire thing. “Really? Did you need to do that?” Alec sighed.  
“It’s good filmmaking. People will love to know about this, especially if you end up together. Maybe I could even make it into a screenplay and sell it,” Simon teased.  
“He’s hilarious. Is he always this funny?” Alec asked flatly and with no humor in his voice whatsoever.  
Of course Izzy convinced him to share the new song, and they ended up making it a duo between Clary and Simon. By the end of the day, Alec was kind of proud of the song. It had been a long day and everyone was tired, as they usually were when learning to play a new song. It always took a lot of work to figure out the right way to play it as a band, and who should play what and when. Still, Simon had something he wanted to show them afterwards. Apparently, he had a blog, which really wasn’t all that surprising considering he was in media studies. Alec had just never seen it.   
“I uploaded a video of us backstage the first night, and people loves it!” Simon began, as he found the video. Alec was relieved to find that he wasn’t in the video. Simon had probably only uploaded the part where he and Clary had been away from the crowd and talking. “I think I’ll use some of the footage on here as teasers for the final documentary,” he added.   
“You better not post what you filmed before practice,” Alec warned him.  
“Maybe Magnus is a viewer? He might think it’s cute,” Simon offered.  
“Nah, I agree with Alec, he could see it and think it’s lame,” Izzy shrugged.  
“Thanks,” Alec replied to his sister flatly.   
“What? That’s what you were thinking.”  
“Okay, I see your point. But I will save it for later, just in case,” Simon agreed. 

Practice, Day 2

“Has he called you yet?” Clary wondered, the next day at another evening practice with the band.   
“No,” Alec said.   
“It’s only been a day. He’ll probably call tonight. Or text,” she shrugged.   
Clary was right, before practice was over, Alec’s phone buzzed and it wasn’t from a number Alec recognized. He went out into the hallway, while the others made childish noises.   
“Alec speaking,” he answered the phone.  
“Alexander, it’s Magnus Bane,” the musical voice said on the other end of the line.  
“Hi, Magnus,” Alec couldn’t help but smile to himself, thinking of Magnus’ charming smile.   
“Listen, I was wondering if you wanted to have a drink with me tomorrow?”   
“I have to practice with the band, but we can go afterwards?”  
“Sure. Where should we meet?”  
“Just text me your address, I’ll pick you up?” Alec offered. He didn’t have a car, but he could probably walk there. Some of the teachers lived in the area, and he had a feeling Magnus would be one of them, considering his reputation with students.   
“Okay. See you tomorrow then, Alec,” the man said.  
“See you tomorrow,” Alec grinned, and hung up.   
Alec turned and walked back in the practice room, and his friends backed away from the door as he opened it. They all looked smug, but no one said anything.   
“What?” he demanded.  
“’Just text me your address Magnus, I’ll pick you up’,” Izzy imitated his deep voice.   
“How old are you guys. Geez,” he sighed and went back to his drums.   
“Are you gonna play him his song?” Simon teased.  
“You guys are real mature, you know that? You were the ones who said I should go for it, remember?” he said, and punched the drums to start a beat, but none of the others were ready to continue practice.   
“And we’re so stoked about it. But it’s a bit odd, because you’ve never really dated,” Izzy shrugged.  
“We’re just having drinks,” Alec replied.  
“Drinks means date,” Jace pointed out, and played a little tune with his electric guitar.   
“No, drinks might be a booty call,” Simon offered.   
“What?!” Alec exclaimed, dropping his drumsticks. Jace sniggered, looking at Simon with amusement.  
“I’m sorry, but your face is just precious,” Simon said.   
“Okay, I think I’m done practicing with you guys for tonight,” Alec got up and walked through the room.  
“What about tomorrow night?”  
“We’ll practice tomorrow night,” he assured them, and left the room.

Day 3 (Drinks)

“Uhm, no,” Clary said, looking over her manga at Alec wearing the second outfit she’d made him put on. Alec was beginning to notice how pushy this girl was. She’d come to his room before practice and was helping him pick out an outfit for his ‘drinks date’ with Magnus.   
“What do you mean ‘no’?” he sighed. He was wearing black skinny jeans, a checkered shirt on top of a Henley shirt and Doc Martens.   
“It’s too much,” she shrugged.  
“Have you seen Magnus?” he asked, and sighed, because he felt ridiculous for making such a big deal of ‘drinks’. The guy probably just wanted to talk about music anyway. “What does it matter anyway? I should just be myself, right?”  
“Okay, what would you wear if it was just a typical band practice night?” She probably knew the answer already, because he didn’t have much different types of clothes, he had a very secure and casual fashion sense. He took off the shirts, noticing Clary momentarily peeking at him, but he ignored it and found his favorite black sweater. Okay, so on top of his fairly new black skinny jeans, the sweater wasn’t as black anymore, but it was comfortable. He kicked off the boots and put on a pair of Old Skool Vans with just as many holes in them as his sweater.   
“There,” he said, and she sat up in the bed, putting her manga down.   
“No wonder you never get any dates,” she smirked.  
“Hey, I get offers, okay,” he replied. But perhaps that was because he had bought the checkered shirt and the Doc Martens for when they played at gigs. Clary got on her feet with a soft smile, and picked up her backpack. “Do you think he’ll hate it?”  
“I think…” she thought for a moment, choosing her words carefully, “I haven’t seen him look at a person he just met like that before, and I think it had nothing to do with your clothes,” she finished.  
“Thanks,” he said.   
He wasn’t sure why, but he was beginning to like Clary. Maybe it was because she was pushy, maybe it was her natural ease, just showing up at his room and wanting to offer her opinion. Either way, the little redhead was growing on him.   
The band practiced for a couple of hours, but none of them were really feeling it tonight. Everyone seemed distracted, and Alec sensed a tension, but he couldn’t quite identify the nature of it. People weren’t really joking around much, only Jace made a couple of sarcastic comments once in a while. And Alec couldn’t wait to get out of there, and away from the mood they were inflicting on him.   
…  
Magnus lived just outside of campus, which didn’t really surprise Alec. He was able to walk there in only a few minutes, and knocked on the pianist’ door without hesitation. Magnus opened the door wearing a robe on top of a pair of leggings and a tank top, which was too short to reach the hem of the leggings and showed off some of his stomach. Alec was temporarily speechless, and once his eyes travelled to Magnus’ face, the man was grinning.  
“I completely lost track of time. Come in,” he said and stepped to the side, so Alec could walk past him.   
“It’s fine. We finished practice early,” Alec replied, as he walked into the apartment. It wasn’t a very big apartment, but it had enough space to hold a grand piano in the far corner of the living room.   
“Just give me twenty minutes, and I’ll be ready. Do you want something to drink?”   
“Sure, whatever you have,” Alec said.  
“Beer?” Magnus asked.  
“Sounds great.”   
Magnus went to the kitchen to find a cold beer and handed it to Alec, before disappearing into what Alec could only assume was his bedroom. While he waited, he realized quickly that he wasn’t alone. In the armchair across from him lay a small grey tabby cat, and it was staring at him. It wasn’t a stare with much interest, in fact, the small cat looked like it was bored to death and had nothing else to do than stare at Alec. And Alec realized, he had nothing else to do than stare back at the cat. He was pretty sure he’d waited for more than twenty minutes, and he’d finished his beer quite some time before Magnus came out of the bedroom looking stunning. It was a complete transformation. The man was wearing tight leather pants, a metallic T-shirt and an electric blue blazer. To top off the look, he had blue eye-shadow on his eyelids matching the blazer, and black eyeliner to finish the eye makeup. Everything was nothing compared to his sparkling black hair, which made Alec scratch his own hair, hoping his bun wasn’t too messy and random; he’d just put it up in the morning and not paid any attention to it throughout the day. Alec had a habit of messing his hair up, and he probably should have gotten a new haircut, but he had liked the messy look until now. Once again, he had been staring at the other man with awe.  
“You met Chairman Meow?” Magnus asked.  
“Huh?”  
“My cat.”  
“Yeah, he just stared at me,” Alec shrugged.  
“Seems like he might have taught you some of his talent,” Magnus winked.   
“Uhm,” Alec looked down at his feet in embarrassment.   
“Relax,” Magnus stepped close to him, “I like people staring at me like that,” he whispered seductively. Alec cleared his throat and took a step back. This was very new to him. This feeling appearing inside of him was very new, and he needed to distance it, before it would take over completely.   
“Should we go?”   
“Yes,” Magnus smiled softly.   
Magnus brought Alec to a café or lounge close to campus, still, Alec had never been there before. Alec thought it was a very chic place, and as he looked around he saw that it was mainly the elite musicians hanging out there. It wasn’t exactly Alec’s crowd, and he appreciated that it wasn’t. The last thing he wanted was to ruin his reputation as indie rock campus icon by being seen with the university’s piano teacher.   
“So, did you write any new songs lately?” Magnus began, once they’d settled at a small and private table in a quiet end of the lounge. Magnus had ordered drinks for them, but Alec had no idea what would be in them.  
“Yeah, I wrote two songs this week. We’ve only practiced one of them, but the band seem to love it,” Alec explained.   
“Of course they do,” Magnus smiled. The waitress came down with their drinks. Alec was surprised to see that they were colorless, because he’d thought they were getting cocktails.   
“Two mojitos,” the waitress gave Magnus a flirtatious look and walked away.   
“So is that your calling? The band?” Magnus asked. Alec hadn’t thought of it like that. He always just enjoyed playing with his friends, because it was comfortable and it was something he knew by heart. He knew Izzy and Jace wanted to be serious musicians, but he wasn’t so sure about their new members, since they weren’t music majors.   
“I don’t know,” he shrugged.  
“Well, I said it once before and I’m saying it again, I think you should write songs. There’s a lot of bands and singers who need music like yours,” Magnus said.   
“Is that why you asked me out for drinks?” Alec wondered. He didn’t want to get his hopes up, despite never having been so attracted to another person before.   
“No,” Magnus smiled secretively, looking down at his drink. He didn’t say anything else for almost two minutes, before he looked back up at Alec. “I asked you out because I thought you look awfully cute when you’re playing,” he said.  
“Cute?” Alec frowned.   
“Okay, hot. You look hot,” Magnus admitted, and Alec couldn’t help but smile. When his eyes met Magnus’, he absentmindedly bit his lip, thinking about Magnus’ perfectly outlined lips. “You think I’m lying?” he wondered. Alec thought about his situation for a second; he was sitting across from an incredibly good-looking person, and he’d never felt this kind of arousal just from looking at another being. He had to figure out what these feelings meant, and Magnus was the perfect opportunity for him to explore it.   
“No, I think you know exactly what you’re doing, and I’m trying to figure out what we’re still doing here,” he replied with all the confidence he had gotten from Magnus calling him ‘hot’. He was aware that he would have to bullshit his way through whatever they ended up doing, because he had no experience in this area whatsoever. But he was also aware of the effect the beer and the drink already had on him. Although, he wasn’t even close to being drunk, which he didn’t want to be if he was going to put his desires to a test. Magnus leaned over the table with a smirk, and placed his hand on top of Alec’s, stroking his fingers with the smooth surface of his own. Alec turned his hand and curled his fingers with Magnus’. All the girls Alec had made out with at clubs had always had sweaty hands from all the dancing and making out, but Magnus’ hands were smooth and soft and well taken care of. Alec wondered if it was part of him being a pianist.   
“We’re here, because I want to learn more about you, Alexander Lightwood,” Magnus said.   
“You can do that other places?”   
Magnus retrieved his hand and leaned back in his seat with a pained expression.   
“If we went back to my place, I wouldn’t be able to keep my hands off you,” the man sighed. It was Alec’s turn to lean over the table.  
“Would that be so bad?” he asked. Magnus looked up at him, his golden eyes shining in the dim light of the lounge.   
“Is that all you’re looking for?” Magnus asked.   
“Honestly? I don’t know what I’m looking for,” Alec replied. Magnus seemed to digest this answer.  
“So you’ve never been attracted to a guy before? Assuming you’re attracted to me.”  
“I haven’t been this attracted to anyone before,” Alec admitted, still with some amount of confidence, although the discussion was beginning to tear down his nerve.  
“Really?” Magnus looked surprised for once. Alec just shook his head in response. “Interesting.”  
“Don’t look so smug. You know you’re attractive. I’m starting to feel like this is a negotiation?”   
“Very exciting, isn’t it? What will the final agreement be?” Magnus mused.   
“I don’t want a game,” Alec replied.   
“But you don’t know what you want?” Magnus reminded him. Alec threw his hands in the air with exasperation and leaned back in his seat. “I’m sorry. I’m just trying to figure you out. On stage you’re a complete different person. You’re in the zone. You’re sweating and you’re jumping in your seat. But here… here you’re very straightforward, and I’m ready to bet there will never be any bullshit from you?” Magnus said, apparently studying Alec’s every move. Alec just shrugged.   
“Maybe I should just leave. Clearly you’re looking for something different,” Alec said and stood up.  
“Wait. Alec, wait,” Magnus said calmly. Alec didn’t move. “Let’s go back to my place?”   
“Are you sure?”   
“I didn’t say what for,” Magnus smirked and left tips for the waitress, before leaving this place.  
…  
“Did you always know you wanted to be a pianist?” Alec asked, as they walked back towards Magnus’ place.   
“My mom made me play piano before I could walk,” Magnus smiled.   
“So your fate was decided for you?”  
“It wasn’t like that. But it was the only thing I was ever truly good at. It kept me out of trouble,” Magnus answered.   
Inside his apartment, Magnus took off his blazer and sat down by the piano. Alec joined him, there was only just enough space for the two of them. Being this close to Magnus only added to the desire Alec felt in this man’s company, and he ran his hand up Magnus’ thigh. Magnus caught his hand, and placed it safely on the piano.   
“Play your song. The one your band hasn’t practiced yet,” Magnus said.  
“What? No,” Alec took his hand back.   
“I know you can play the piano as well. I cyber-stalked you,” Magnus smirked.  
“You did?”   
“Please? I want to hear it,” he pushed.   
“I’m not comfortable with it yet.”  
“It’s okay. I want to see your process,” Magnus said warmly. Alec sighed and placed his fingers on the keys. He played a few keys, getting used to the piano again. It had been a while since he’d played. The same amount of anger and roughness he put into playing his drums, was about the same amount of calm and tenderness he put into playing a piano. When he was comfortable playing, he closed his eyes and started singing. He wasn’t a good singer, but he had a feeling Magnus wouldn’t care once he heard the lyrics. While the song Izzy and Jace had found was all about his sudden desires, the other song he’d written described the curve of Magnus’ smile, the glint in his eyes as he looked at Alec, the perfect complexion of his caramel skin and how he imagined they would be the perfect fit due to Magnus’ tall stature. At some point during the song Alec sensed Magnus get to his feet and take a step away from him. But only when he finished his song and looked up at Magnus standing with his back against the wall, did Alec notice the emotions running through Magnus’ eyes. Alec knew exactly why Magnus looked amazed, hurt, pleased and scared all at once, because he’d just realized it himself while he sang. Tears started to well up in Alec’s eyes, as he tried to phrase his words.  
“It’s a rare thing…” Magnus breathed, his tone revealing the same emotion Alec felt.  
“I’ve found a muse,” Alec sighed, and composed himself. He pressed the base of his palms against his eyes to stop himself from further embarrassment. It was probably too late though. He got to his feet. Magnus looked scared and humbled. The other man closed his eyes as Alec moved closer.  
“Not every artist finds one, and rarely an actual human being,” his voice was shaking.   
“Magnus, you know what that means?” Alec whispered. Magnus opened his eyes and stared right into Alec’s.   
“It means I understand your confusion. I want to help you. I need to help you,” Magnus said. Alec couldn’t hold himself back anymore, he carefully reached up and brushed Magnus’ arms, shoulders, chest, stomach and he let his hands slide up under Magnus’ metallic colored shirt. His hands shook as he ran his fingers over the curves of Magnus’ muscles. Magnus’ chest started rising and falling faster and faster with every second of Alec touching him. Alec leaned closer and kissed Magnus at the base of his neck, making the other man tilt his head back.   
“Alec,” he breathed.   
“What?” Alec asked against Magnus’ neck.   
“Come here.” Magnus tilted Alec’s head up for their lips to meet in tender rapture. All of Alec’s self-control disappeared and he pulled Magnus hard against him, dragging him to sit down on top of him on the piano bench. Magnus straddled Alec and pressed himself down against him. Alec groaned as he felt Magnus sit over his crotch. He felt himself swell in his tight skinny jeans, and it wasn’t an entirely pleasant feeling. Alec tried to shove Magnus’ shirt over his head, but Magnus resisted.  
“Alec, we have to wait,” he sighed.  
“Why?”  
“This is too intense. I don’t know what’s happening,” Magnus said.   
“Intense is good.” Alec was a bit out of breath, but he knew how he felt, and he felt just how good intense was. Magnus shook his head.  
“No. Not this soon,” he whispered.  
“Don’t tell me, you’re a romantic?”  
“You’re not?”  
“Have you heard any of my other songs? This one is the first of its kind from me,” Alec said. He didn’t write a lot of romance. Alec leaned his forehead up against Magnus’ to get his attention back. Magnus’ mind seemed to be floating and Alec couldn’t get him back to the present. “What’s going on?”   
“Every ounce of my body tells me to wait with you. Take my time,” Magnus whispered.   
“Is that what you do with the other students?” Alec regretted his words as soon as he’d said them. Magnus tumbled off and away from him.   
“What’s that supposed to mean?”   
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything by it,” Alec said.  
“That’s my reputation, isn’t it?”   
Alec wiped his face with the palm of his hand in frustration.   
“I should go,” Alec sighed.   
“I haven’t dated a lot of students. I befriend a lot of them and take them to concerts, because I’m a music teacher. That’s all there is to it,” Magnus explained.   
“It’s fine. I don’t care,” Alec shrugged.  
“I’m not promiscuous,” the other man continued. Alec noticed something in his tone then – he didn’t like the reputation he had. Just from being in Magnus’ company for two hours, Alec hadn’t thought the guy cared what other people thought of him, but he knew now that wasn’t true. Alec got to his feet and stepped closer to Magnus, who shied away from him a bit.   
“I don’t think you are,” he said in a low voice. Magnus looked into his eyes then.   
“Are you leaving?”  
“I won’t leave if you don’t want me to?”   
“I don’t want to jump into bed with you,” Magnus looked down again. Did the famous university pianist Magnus Bane feel insecure suddenly? Alec couldn’t believe it, and he was kind of honored that he would be the one to have that effect on the man.   
“Okay,” Alec smiled softly.   
They ended up spending the rest of the night drinking tea and talking about music, and ideas for how Alec could get his songs out there. Alec didn’t ask about the students again, because he sensed that the Magnus Bane he’d met outside in public was a completely different Magnus from the person he was here, back in his apartment.   
…  
Alec woke up in an unfamiliar place, but remembered he’d fallen asleep on Magnus’ couch. Magnus was nowhere to be seen, and he figured he would be asleep in his bedroom. So Alec left a small note on the table saying he had a great time last night, then he left the apartment and went out into the fresh morning air. He walked back towards his dorm room, and as he walked through the common area he found his friends still up and playing video games. Jace and Simon were wrestling on the screen, while the girls were talking.   
“Alec!” Clary said, and he could hear in her voice that they had been drinking. It was a Friday night after all.   
“Hey guys.”  
“You just got in, huh?” Izzy wriggled her eyebrows.   
“You guys have been waiting up for me all night? Then you’re well aware that I’m just getting in,” he sniggered and slumped down in the empty arm chair.   
“How did it go?” Clary wondered.  
“I fell asleep,” he shrugged.  
“Uh huh,” Izzy said, as if to say ‘go on’.   
“We made out and he freaked out,” Alec explained, because he knew they wouldn’t stop staring at him before he gave them some sort of detail.   
“He freaked out? We’re still talking about Magnus Bane, right?” Izzy wondered. Alec just shrugged. “I don’t believe you,” she decided.   
“Why did he freak out?” Clary’s voice was so low, Alec imagined she might think he’d done something embarrassing, and despite her not wanting to pry, curiosity won.   
“We made out, and he thought it was too intense,” Alec leaned his head back on the back of the chair. He was still tired, because it was still early and he hadn’t gotten that many hours of sleep.   
“But intense is good, right?” Izzy didn’t understand either.  
“Apparently not for a first date,” he replied.  
“So it was a date?” Jace joined the conversation.   
“I guess.”  
“You do get a bit intense sometimes,” Jace shrugged. He elbowed Simon, and the guy yelped. Alec ignored it, knowing it was part of them playing against each other in the video game.   
“What?”   
“We all heard your song,” Clary shrugged.   
“Yeah, well now he heard the other song I wrote. The one I didn’t show you guys,” he admitted.   
“Oh my God, there’s another song!” Izzy was on the edge of the couch now.   
“Dude, you played it for him?!” Simon had now put down his controllers and joined the conversation completely.   
“It really turned him on,” Alec smirked. He didn’t know why he felt so casual talking about it, but it just seemed natural. It was all so new to him, but he didn’t feel the slightest bit embarrassed or ashamed about his feelings anymore. Perhaps because Magnus had loved the song so much. Or perhaps it was merely because he was tired. He wasn’t sure. “I’m going to bed,” he said and got up.  
“What? You can’t go now! We need to hear it,” Izzy demanded.   
“You should go to bed too,” he suggested and went to his room to get some sleep, and maybe dream a little bit about his make out session with Magnus.


	3. Within A Dream

_He could feel every part of his body tense by the touch of Magnus’ lips against his skin. The older man brushed his lips over the sensitive skin of Alec’ neck, and chest, and nipples, and… he had trouble breathing suddenly. All of his body shut down. He couldn’t move, not even his fingers or toes would move. Alec was paralyzed and unable to respond to anything Magnus did to him. Inside his body he was screaming, trying to get out, he wanted to touch Magnus so badly. He wanted to feel the pleasure of Magnus’ hands, when they tickled his skin or when he wrapped his hand around…_  
...  
Gasp! Alec was drenched in sweat and out of breath when he woke up to find that he’d had a dirty dream about Magnus just before the dream had turned bad. He wasn’t sure what it meant, but the dream killed his mood from the very beginning of this day. And they had a gig later, like they usually did every Saturday night. He didn’t feel motivated to do much, and so he stayed in his room, and worked on his song instead. Sometimes he absentmindedly ran his thumb over his lips, while thinking about Magnus’ lips against his own. Without even realizing it, he’d written a new song. While still shocked about not having any recollection of writing a song, someone knocked on his door and without hesitation entered – Magnus closed the door behind himself as he stepped into Alec’s room.  
“Magnus –“ Alec began, but the man moved too fast for him to respond with anything else, before he crashed against Alec’s body, pushing him back against the wall and attacking his lips. Overwhelmed, Alec found it in himself to reach around the other man and pull him even closer. It felt like he only had this gorgeous man in his embrace for a second, before he broke away, and behind him people were cheering for The Mortal Instruments. They were playing at a festival and everyone was half-naked and screaming at him…  
…  
Confused Alec woke from yet another dream, at least he hoped he’d woken up for real this time. The other dream had felt pretty real at first too. For some reason he needed to get out of his room, maybe that would give him some clarity of whether he was awake or not. On the way out he called Clary. He just didn’t feel like talking to Jace or Izzy about this specific issue. He was probably just stressed out about everything. He’d heard that people who were stressed dreamed a lot.  
“What’s up?” Clary answered.  
“What are you doing right now?”  
“Drawing.” Of course she was.  
“I’m coming over,” he said and hung up, before she could object. On the way there he brought two cups of coffee, because he figured he could at least be the nice intruder who brought coffee.  
Clary was at her desk, when he came into her room at the dorm across from the one he lived in. She already had three empty paper cups on her desk in front of her.  
“Have you been up all night? I thought I told you guys to go to bed?” Alec asked and handed her a full cup.  
“I just felt like drawing. Look, it’s a story –“ She held up a few pieces of paper. It was of them, the band, at their first gig. It was pretty amazing actually, Alec had to give her that.  
“You should have Simon post it on his blog,” he shrugged and sat down on her bed.  
“That’s a good idea,” she smiled. Alec was really enjoying Clary’s company. She was different than Jace and Izzy, she didn’t expect much from him and when she did she only expected him to be honest with her. After she made him admit to his feelings, she hadn’t pestered him about it any further. That’s also why he felt like he could have a real talk about it with Clary.  
“Do you know anything about dreams?” he wondered. She looked at him with narrowed eyes and amusement.  
“Did you have a dirty dream about someone?” she figured. Was it that obvious?  
“It was weird, because every time I was enjoying it something turned it into a nightmare. It was like a dream within a dream,” Alec explained.  
“Edgar Allen Poe,” she smiled softly.  
“What?”  
“A Dream Within A Dream. It’s a poem by Poe,” she said.  
“Okay?” he shook his head with confusion. Clary got up and went to her bookshelf, where she found a collection of poems. She looked through the book, while explaining.  
“It’s famous for its golden sand metaphor.”  
“Its what?”  
“Here it is, ‘And I hold within my hand, Grains of the golden sand – how few! yet how they creep through my fingers to the deep,’” she read aloud. “You know the sand is the ultimate metaphor for your life slipping through your fingers,” she shrugged.  
“There was no sand in my dream,” Alec replied.  
“What did you dream?”  
Alec cleared his throat and explained about making out with Magnus, and then suddenly not being able to respond to Magnus’ caresses. And how he’d disappeared before the crowd of screaming fans.  
“The last part doesn’t sound all that bad though?” Clary tried. Alec hadn’t liked how Magnus had sort of dissolved before him. Alec just glared at her. “Right. Okay, maybe Magnus is the sand? Did you think about that? You can’t keep him in your grasp, he falls through your fingers?”  
“Huh,” Alec hadn’t thought about it, and he still wasn’t sure what that would mean. He’d only just met the guy, and now he was already slipping away? “I told him he was my muse. On our date.”  
“I already figured he was after listening to your song. Are you afraid it might have scared him?”  
“I think it did,” Alec replied. He’d sensed it freaked Magnus out, despite him being a musician himself. Magnus should know how special that kind of inspiration was.  
“I could talk to him, if you want? Tell him how important he is to you?”  
“You don’t seem to think it’s unusual to have these kinds of feelings for someone I just met?” Alec asked, because Clary didn’t seem to think he was as ridiculous as he felt he was.  
“Alec, it’s lust, it’s not feelings,” she replied warmly. Alec knew that much. He had barely talked to the man, it was purely physical attraction, but it felt unreal.  
“I should talk to him,” he decided then.  
“Yeah?”  
“He’s probably awake now,” Alec said. He had just left in the morning without a word, only a note. “Can I borrow that?” he asked, taking the poetry collection out of her hand.  
“Sure.”  
“Wait, do we have a gig tonight?” he wondered, remembering something in his dream.  
“No, it’s next Saturday,” she replied with amusement.  
…  
Alec knocked on Magnus’ door, and he didn’t seem the least bit surprised to see Alec. Alec began to recite a part of A Dream Within A Dream.  
“’You are not wrong, who deem That my days have been a dream; Yet if Hope has flown away In a night, or in a day, In a vision, or in none, Is it therefore the less gone?’” Alec looked up at Magnus, and he seemed to understand so easily what Alec was saying.  
“Do you know what the poem is saying?” he asked.  
“I get the gist of it,” Alec shrugged.  
“Our kiss last night sent you into an alarming spiral of scrutinizing the nature of reality?” Magnus asked.  
“I had a dream within a dream. You were in it,” Alec explained. Magnus leaned against the doorframe with his arms crossed over his chest.  
“Are you questioning whether this is a dream or not?”  
“No. I don’t know. You were my golden sand. I guess, what I’m asking is, would you like to continue seeing me? I want to continue this journey of dreamy reality with you.” Alec regretted the last part as soon as the words escaped his tongue. He was trying not to scare him away.  
“I got your note this morning. ‘Sorry I had to leave’,” Magnus held up the familiar piece of paper. Alec pulled his shoulders up in a shrug.  
“I’m sorry. I hadn’t had those dreams this morning, and I hadn’t read this poem,” he admitted.  
“Clary gave you the poem?”  
“How did you know?” Alec asked.  
“I helped her write an essay on the poem a few years ago,” he smirked.  
“Oh.”  
“Would you like to come in?” Magnus leaned away from the door, and Alec went past him. The other man smelled like fresh soap and it reminded Alec that he hadn’t taken a shower after waking up from sweaty dreams; he’d been too hung up in his own mind. He pushed the thought away, because it was too late now.  
“I’m sorry I left this morning, but you did leave me on the couch… alone,” Alec reminded him. Magnus suppressed a smile, and tried to hide it with his hand. He sat down on the chaise longue, and Alec sat on the couch he’d slept on for only a few hours. “I’m sorry if I overstepped some sort of line. I’m not used to dating someone I actually like. I’m not used to dating at all, actually.”  
“Our kiss…”  
“So it wasn’t the song?” Alec wondered, and cursed himself for interrupting Magnus while talking about their kiss.  
“The song was beautiful, Alexander.”  
“Don’t call me Alexander. It sounds like you’re about to break up with me when you say my name like that, and I know that would be impossible, because we’re not even a couple,” he ranted.  
“Are you done?” Magnus raised an eyebrow. He looked rather amusement.  
“I’m sorry, I’ll shut up.”  
“Stop apologizing for everything. You’re very straightforward, and I like that. It’s not the only thing I like about you, I admit, but…” he paused and studied Alec for a moment. Alec knew he looked on edge, because he felt like he was about to explode with worry about what might come after ‘but’. “You touched something inside me with that kiss, and that was a new sort of feeling for me.”  
“It’s new for me too. Newer than you might think,” Alec shrugged.  
“I guess I’m just an old fool to hope that maybe there is more here than just lust,” Magnus looked down at his cat lying on the floor next to the chaise longue.  
“You’re not that old,” Alec sniggered. He couldn’t be much older than thirty.  
“You didn’t object to me being a fool?” Magnus mused.  
“And you’re not a fool. I mean, I hope too, but does it have to come in a certain order?” Alec felt excruciatingly impatient, while looking at this man in front of him, as he lay sprawled casually on the chaise longue. He didn’t recall ever having seen something so beautiful and sexy, as Magnus Bane – the half-Indonesian pianist with black hair and eyeliner always on fleek. Alec watched him as the man ran his hand over the cat’s back. Magnus’ jawline was a work of art, and Alec just wanted to lick every inch of him. His T-shirt had gone up just a few inches, and it showed just the smallest sign of what Alec knew to be abs underneath the shirt. Alec was released from his trance, when Magnus moved; he sat up on the edge of the chaise longue and leaned closer to Alec. Magnus bit his lip, probably waiting for Alec’s eyes to reach his, because once his eyes escaped the perfect outline of lips and met Magnus’ gaze, the man let go of a sigh and ran his hand through his hair.  
“Do you have any idea what you’re doing to me?” he asked. Alec didn’t understand.  
“Wha…?”  
“The way you’re looking at me, it’s driving me nuts. No one has ever looked at me like that before,” Magnus sighed and closed his eyes. Alec wanted to tell him how insane it was that no one had ever looked at him with the kind of lust he felt, because anyone would be crazy not to. People probably had from a distance, Magnus just never realized. Alec desperately wanted to stop driving him nuts and do what he thought Magnus might be asking for – he wanted to get to know him better. But he just couldn’t help himself around this guy.  
“Are you sure no one has ever looked at you like this?” Alec asked. Magnus opened his eyes again.  
“They might’ve undressed me with their eyes, but that’s not what you’re doing, is it?”  
Alec chuckled nervously, and bit his lip to stop himself.  
“No, I’m observing,” he admitted. He was observing the man’s every move, because it was great material and great inspiration for his mind to create music and lyrics from. Alec thought he detected a flush in Magnus’ cheeks then, but he wasn’t sure. “Will you tell me when I’m allowed to kiss you again?”  
Magnus drew a breath, as if Alec’s question surprised him.  
“You’re not not allowed,” he narrowed his eyes, probably unsure of his own words.  
“Really? ‘Cause it’s taking all of my willpower not to kiss you right now,” Alec wasn’t lying. He had never felt a stronger pull from anyone before. Magnus didn’t answer, and Alec slowly moved closer, giving Magnus enough time to break away if he wanted to. Magnus didn’t move. Only Alec moved closer, until he leaned over Magnus on top of the chaise longue, looking down into a pair of golden eyes. He would go home to write sonnets about those eyes. He knew then that he had enough material to work on songs for a couple of days, and could just stop right there and go back to his dorm room. But while he hesitated, Magnus wrapped his hands behind Alec’s neck and pulled him down on his lips. It was a soft kiss, but the hunger was there too. Alec let his body fall down on top of Magnus, and pressed against him. Magnus gasped into his mouth, and his hands travelled down Alec’s back. Alec’s mind was about to explode – so many words ran through his head and he couldn’t keep track of them as they whirled around in an endless stream of stimulation. Alec was the one to break off the kiss this time, and Magnus looked up at him with confusion.  
“I have to go. I’m sorry,” he said. Magnus was about to object, but then his expression softened.  
“I know,” he shrugged. Alec stumbled off the chaise longue, stared back at Magnus, before leaving his apartment.  
…  
Three days of constant writing of new lyrics. Alec’s friends were getting worried about him. He’d never been locked up in his room for this long before. He’d never had so much to write about before. He had so many feelings now, it was overwhelming and absolutely wonderful and no matter how much he wanted to ignore it, he just couldn’t. It was like he had unlocked some sort of box inside of himself. He’d just found the key to it, and now everything was new to him. He was too busy worrying about band practice or the fact that he’d recently found out he was gay, it seemed trivial compared to the amount of creative emotions he was now able to reach.  
“We have a gig on Saturday, a big one. You should come practice with us, Alec. Maybe we can play some of your new songs?” Clary suggested one afternoon.  
“No, we don’t need new songs. Not now,” he replied.  
“They’re really good,” she tried. She’d been in his room a couple of times the past few days, just listening while he wrote new songs.  
“I know.” He hadn’t even realized what he’d answered.  
“Have you fucked him yet?” she wondered casually. Alec turned and looked at her.  
“You don’t fuck someone like Magnus Bane,” he sniggered. He felt so much ease talking about it with her, despite everything being so new to him and so unknown. It was new territory for him, and he loved every minute of it.  
“You barely know him, I don’t think you can really say ‘make love to’ yet?” she replied with a raised eyebrow.  
“That’s why I haven’t yet,” Alec said, as he turned back to look at his screen. He’d written four songs since he’d last kissed Magnus.  
“Izzy is talking about making an intervention,” Clary shrugged apologetically.  
“Why?” Alec turned his chair to face Clary again.  
“You’re acting a bit strange. I think maybe your infatuation has gone a bit too far, Alec,” Clary looked at him with compassion.  
“I’m not infatuated, I’m inspired. I feel like I’m on a high,” he said. He wasn’t lying – he felt like he was on a rollercoaster, but his only drugs were caffeine and Magnus Bane.  
“You need to at least show them how amazing these new songs are, or they won’t leave it alone for much longer,” Clary said. Alec had other plans for the songs. “Even if you’re going to sell them, they would want to hear them?” she added.  
“I don’t want to sell them. I want you to have them,” he admitted. She had the perfect voice for it. She was pure, and there was nothing an audience liked more than purity itself singing about desire and lust and beautiful strangers. Clary’s eyes widened and she straightened up.  
“What?”  
“I want you to sing them.”  
“But I need the band, I need…”  
“I would like to hear you sing them with Magnus’ piano,” Alec decided then. Clary looked stunned.  
“I don’t know what to say!”  
“How about ‘let’s do this’?” he offered. She gave him a short laugh of wonder.  
“The other’s will be pissed if we leave the band?”  
“We won’t leave the band. These songs aren’t music for the band, it’s different than that.”  
“You should consider changing your major to composing music instead,” she looked at him with amusement and astonishment. He offered her a shrug, and turned back to producing more music.  
…  
“Alec, how wonderful of you to join us today,” Izzy exaggerated, when Alec showed up for band practice after Clary’s request. “I suppose you have an entire album of songs to make up for your absence?”  
“I do, but not for the band,” he shrugged.  
“Oh my God, did you sell them?” Izzy looked excited.  
“No, I don’t want to share them with you just yet,” he admitted. He didn’t think he needed to explain himself, but apparently he did.  
“So you took a few days off to go write your diary, is that what you’re saying?” His sister was beginning to look furious now. Alec narrowed his eyes, and looked at the rest of the group. They were all looking at him in a strange way.  
“Dude, are you high right now?” Simon wondered, studying Alec.  
“Don’t worry, it’s a natural high. I’ve checked up on him once each day,” Clary said calmly.  
“See. I’m fine,” Alec said.  
“You’re not fine, you’re acting… weird,” Jace said. It was amazing how Jace – the walking dictionary of rarely used adjectives – chose ‘weird’ to explain Alec’s behavior. Alec looked to Clary for help. She’d gotten awfully quiet. So Alec walked over to the piano they never used, but was placed in the practice room, and sat down to play. He looked back at Clary.  
“Could you help me for a moment?” he asked. She didn’t look too happy about it, probably because he’d made it clear to her that he didn’t want to share his new songs with the others. But talking to them now made him realize it might be the only way to shut them up. Clary came closer to the piano and he handed her a piece of paper with the lyrics. She’d heard this one before, but she hadn’t sung it yet. Alec started playing, and she followed when she was ready. The other’s settled down and watched as they played. His friends were completely quiet, which was a rare thing. Clary’s vocals were perfect for this specific song, it made it sound sensual and passionate with her delicate voice. Alec sometimes glanced at his friends, and he noticed Jace gazing at Clary with new amazement. Once the song finished, Clary had tears in her eyes, and Alec didn’t understand. It wasn’t a sad song.  
“What’s wrong?”  
“It’s such a private song, I feel like I violated your trust singing it. Why did you make me sing it?!” she exclaimed and left the room. Alec was taken aback for a moment. He hadn’t expected her to react this strongly about it.  
“What just happened?” he asked. The other’s stared blank at him, but Izzy was the first to break the silence.  
“You just wrote an amazing song, is what happened,” she replied.  
“I think I’m a little turned on right now,” Simon said. Jace frowned at Simon’s words.  
“I didn’t need to know that,” he said.  
“I should go talk to her,” Simon decided.  
“No, not while you’re practically having a boner,” Jace stopped him, “I’ll go.”  
Alec’s friend left the room and went after Clary.  
“Shit! I didn’t film this!” Simon exclaimed. Izzy hit him on the back of his head and he fell forward. “Ouch! What the…?”  
“You’re a moron. Isn’t first lesson in documentary studies never to shut off the camera?”  
“No, but I see your point,” Simon looked hurt by her response, and scratched the back of his head. Alec rolled his eyes and played the piano absentmindedly.  
“How do you do that? How do you write songs like that suddenly? I mean, your other songs are good, but they’re not… amazing. That song was so heartfelt, I felt like I just saw a piece of your soul,” Izzy explained. Alec didn’t understand. It was a song about passion and how the sun shone in even the dullest of times, because of that passion and that one person who made your day brighter simply by existing. It wasn’t a heartfelt song, at least he hadn’t thought so when he wrote it. The words had seemed to flow out of him. The door to the practice room opened, and to Alec’s surprise it wasn’t his two bandmates who’d decided to come back.  
“Magnus? Is everything all right?” he asked, getting to his feet.  
“Don’t leave the piano, I like seeing you next to it,” Magnus replied. Alec smiled, and sat back down. Everything was fine, Magnus was fine. “I just stopped by to see you practice, but I saw two of your band members out in the hall. Clary looked somewhat upset?”  
Alec felt the heat in his cheeks, and Izzy looked amused, but she zipped her lips with her fingers to show that she wasn’t going to say anything, and Alec probably shouldn’t either.  
“Well, uhm, I guess I’m not very good at playing the piano,” he shrugged, because he couldn’t come up with a better lie.  
“I know it’s none of my business, but you need to come up with a better lie than that,” Magnus said as he moved across the room to get closer. Alec had just enough time to close his notebook with the music written in it, before Magnus sat down next to him.  
“I think Alec should change his major. Do you think he could become a composer?” Izzy asked.  
“I’m quite positive that he could. I’m even more positive that he doesn’t even need to be taught, because he’s a natural,” Magnus said. Alec thought he might combust from the kind words he received from the one person it mattered the most.  
“Thanks, but I’d miss the drums. They’re a nice way to release my anger,” Alec shrugged.  
“Do you have a lot of anger?”  
“I’m beginning to think my brother might be slightly bipolar,” Izzy said.  
“She’s overreacting. I don’t have as much anger as I did a week ago,” Alec looked up at Magnus. The other man’s expression was soft and kind, before he looked down at the keys and started playing. Alec joined in when he recognized the classical piece by Bach.  
“Gosh, get a room!” Izzy teased. Alec glared at her.  
“Not a fan of Bach, is she?” Magnus asked.  
“Oh I like Bach. What I’m not a fan of is my brother being locked up in his room for days because of something you said or did,” Izzy replied.  
“Isabelle!” Alec exclaimed.  
“What? It’s true,” she shrugged. “And now Clary is upset too.”  
Magnus turned and looked at Alec for an answer. Alec didn’t know what to respond. It wasn’t Magnus’ fault.  
“It’s not your fault, I promise,” he said in a low voice, looking into Magnus’ eyes so he understood that it was true.  
“Can I talk to you privately?” he asked.  
“Sure.”  
Alec followed the older man outside. Magnus went in the opposite direction of where Alec could hear Jace and Clary talking. When they saw an open door to an empty room, Magnus dragged him in there. Alec thought it might be a bit unwise to be in a room alone with Magnus, but Magnus didn’t seem worried.  
“What’s going on? I feel like I missed something? You haven’t called for days, and now I come here and find you guys in a mess?” Magnus said.  
“We haven’t talked in days?” Alec could have sworn he’d just seen Magnus. Perhaps he was getting a bit carried away. Regardless, he should be excused when he’d been buried in work. Well, it wasn’t exactly work yet, because he didn’t get paid for his songs.  
“Are you all right?”  
“I’m fine. I’m more than fine. Magnus, I’m writing so many songs,” Alec said.  
“Are they all about the same thing?”  
“An entire album of it,” Alec exaggerated, but realized how insane it was anyway. He dropped his smile then. “Fuck,” he sighed.  
“Maybe we should just cut all ties. I don’t think this is healthy for you,” Magnus said.  
“What?!” Alec started panicking. “No!”  
“Alec…”  
“No!” he repeated.  
“Why is Clary upset?”  
Alec turned away and walked towards the window to avoid the look Magnus was giving him.  
“I made her sing one of the songs. They’re perfect for her. I thought she should have them, but not with the band,” he admitted.  
“I want to hear the song, Alec.”  
“I already upset one person today.”  
“Would it upset me?” Magnus asked.  
“I don’t know. Do you still want to cut all ties with me?”  
“I think it would be best. It’s not healthy to feel this way about someone you don’t know,” Magnus replied. Alec nodded. He knew he was acting odd, and this sort of behavior would be considered obsessive. But he didn’t want to give up on Magnus just yet.  
“What if I promise not to write another song for a month?”  
“I wouldn’t ask that of you. You’re a songwriter, you should write songs,” Magnus said.  
“But no one likes my process,” Alec shrugged.  
“Just dial it down a little,” Magnus suggested.  
“I don’t know how to do that. It’s either all or nothing, I think.”  
“Can I see the song?”  
“Last time you heard a song I ended up sleeping on your couch?” Alec reminded him.  
“But we kissed before that, didn’t we?” Magnus winked.  
Alec went back into the practice room, with Magnus right behind him. Clary and Jace were back as well, and she didn’t look upset anymore. She looked flushed and happy.  
“I’m sorry I made you sing it, but you didn’t violate my trust. I chose to give it to you, and I think you should have it. It’s perfect for you,” Alec told her.  
“I don’t really feel worthy of it,” she shrugged.  
“You guys seriously need to chill down, you’re acting like I’m Whitney Houston,” Alec rolled his eyes. “Magnus, sit please?” He gestured for Magnus to take the seat by the piano. He opened his book to the page where he’d written the music to the song. Clary placed herself next to the piano once again, and they both readied themselves. Clary sang while Magnus played beautifully. For the first time Alec heard his song being played live from an outside perspective. And for the first time he felt truly proud of something he’d created.  
“I’ll alert the Grammys,” Magnus teased as he played the last note. “Jokes aside, it’s beautiful, Alec. You should be very proud.”  
“Thank you,” Alec replied. “So where does that leave us?”


	4. Just Wanna Feel Something (Real)

“Let’s do this right, and go on a date?” Magnus suggested, after a moment of contemplating his answer. “I have tickets to a Nothing But Thieves concert here in New York.”  
Just when Alec thought the man couldn’t get any more perfect, he asked him to go with him to see one of his favorite bands.  
“Okay,” Alec could barely contain his happiness, though he tried. Magnus chuckled. “I’d like that.”  
“Are you kidding? We would all like that! Where do you get tickets?” Izzy interrupted. Alec scowled at her and she backed down with a shrug. Magnus brushed Alec’s arm softly.  
“Okay, so I’ll let you guys practice without my presence. It seems to ruin everything,” he smiled.  
“Magnus, you’re not ruining anything,” Alec sighed.   
“Right. Well, I have to go anyway,” he said and walked towards the door with a catlike ease. Even the man’s movements looked musical in Alec’s eyes.   
“Okay, I take everything back, anyone would be insane not to be obsessed with that,” Izzy admitted as soon as Magnus was out the door. “He’s dreamy, Alec.”  
“You don’t have to tell me,” Alec shrugged.   
“He’s kind of mesmerizing, isn’t he? Dammit, I forgot to turn on my camera again,” Simon said. Everyone stared at the nerdy guy with an off camera in his hand.   
“You’ll probably fail. Like epically so,” Izzy replied.  
“I know,” he sighed. “Well, maybe Alec and Magnus want to adopt me, once they’ve sold all of their million dollar songs?”   
“Don’t count on it,” Alec replied flatly.   
They knew they had to practice a lot this week, they’d gotten behind on a few songs, and they had two shows this week – they’d just gotten an offer to play at an event on Friday night, and then they had Saturday night. It took a lot for Alec to concentrate, and he messed up rehearsal a few times, but he did everything he could to stay focused on the band, as he’d promised.  
For the rest of the week, he didn’t see Magnus. He only texted him once in a while, to hear what he was doing. He wanted desperately to do this Magnus’ way, and it helped that he couldn’t see him or hear his voice whenever he texted him. Still, Alec was able to imagine what Magnus was doing, while texting him – sometimes he made a few spelling errors, and Alec imagined Chairman Meow trying to get his attention.   
…  
A few times, Alec had walked the halls on campus and seen Camille, and those few times he saw her, she was scowling at him. He mentioned it to Clary and Izzy one afternoon, when they were getting coffee before practice, and they happened to see her.  
“She’s always so angry. What did I ever do to her?” Alec asked, while he paid for their coffee.   
“Oh my God, you don’t know?” Izzy grinned. Izzy was always up to date with all the gossip on campus. “You know you met Magnus while he was on a date with her?”  
“Wait, was that a date?” Alec hadn’t realized. Magnus had explained how he’d take students out to concerts, and it didn’t mean anything. Maybe Camille misunderstood?  
“They were dating for at least two months,” Izzy said.  
“I heard four,” Clary offered.   
“Rumor has it that when he saw you, he basically dumped her the same night,” Izzy explained.   
“Really?” Alec couldn’t believe it. Magnus had almost made Alec feel ridiculous for pursuing him as aggressively as he had. But he might have been just as infatuated with Alec that same night.  
“Wait. No that’s not what it was. I heard he had been meaning to dump her for some time, it was purely coincidence that he dumped her the same night he met you,” Clary said.   
“I can live with that,” Alec shrugged.   
“But of course she must think you’re the reason, that’s why she’s scowling at you whenever she sees you. She made the rumor about you and him, and how you’re both so completely in love, you don’t have time for anything other than each other,” Izzy shrugged at the last part.  
“That’s not entirely wrong though,” Clary said.   
“What? I have time for other things. I’ve only texted him this week,” Alec reminded them.  
“Right, and every time you text him you don’t respond to anything we say to you.” Izzy seemed to merely state the fact, she didn’t seem offended by it.   
“Sorry.”  
“It’s fine. You’ve improved lately, I know you have. I can’t wait to hear about the concert, it’s going to be sick!” Izzy said. She’d gotten tickets for her and Simon, who was also a big Nothing But Thieves fan, and they were going together. So obviously it wasn’t the concert she was curious about – it was Alec’s date.   
…  
The weekend gigs went well, and Alec could finally focus on his date with Magnus. Magnus had admitted that he’d thought of Alec when he bought the tickets, but he hadn’t been sure whether to ask him to come with him or not.   
“How did you know I love the band?” Alec wondered.  
“Please, your music reeks Nothing But Thieves,” Magnus winked, while holding the taxi door open for Alec. Alec slid inside the taxi, and Magnus joined him.  
“Is ‘reeks’ really the verb you want to use?” Alec frowned, feeling a bit offended, even though he knew Magnus enjoyed his music. Sometimes the older man made it seem like it was the only thing he enjoyed about Alec.  
“I see where some of your main inspiration comes from, is what I’m saying,” he corrected himself. Alec nodded with agreement.   
It was a full house for the concert. People were going crazy, and Izzy and Simon were nowhere to be seen, which Alec preferred.   
“Which one do you think is hotter?” Magnus asked, when the band had played their first song.   
“What?” Alec asked, because he wasn’t sure he’d heard him right.  
“I kind of think the drummer’s got a cool look,” Magnus bit his lower lip. Alec turned all of his attention towards his date.  
“Yeah? You have a thing for drummers?” he flirted back. Magnus just smiled and looked back up at the stage. After a few songs and lots of dancing, Alec felt brave enough to slip his hand into Magnus’. Magnus squeezed Alec’s hand back, to tell him it was okay. Everything went right after the book of what a first real date should be like, until the moment when Alec turned to catch Magnus’ eyes – he leaned closer to kiss him, but before he could reach Magnus’ lips, someone bumped into him and Alec had to let go of Magnus to avoid hurting him. Alec was just about to push back at whatever moron had bumped into him, but Magnus caught onto his response, and wrapped his arms around him in a sweet embrace and kissed Alec’s neck once. Alec calmed down, and traced his fingers over Magnus’ hands resting on Alec’s chest, as Magnus had placed himself behind Alec as a sort of shield. Magnus might have been an inch or so taller than Alec, but Alec was the bigger one and they both knew he didn’t need a human shield to protect him, but it was an incredibly nice gesture and Alec felt exactly what it did to him; a warm feeling flooding through him. He leaned his head back to rest on Magnus’ shoulder. Despite the hot air produced by the massive crowd, Alec felt Magnus breathe against his ear and neck. Once he was completely calm and Itch played, Alec led Magnus’ hands to his waist. But the other man didn’t stop there. Alec felt lips against the sensitive skin on his neck again for a short moment, before he sensed Magnus’ hand moving further down. Magnus slid his hand down Alec’s pants, and Alec gasped, but no one was able to hear him at the concert. ‘There’s a shaking in my bones…’ The music was loud and perfect, everyone was singing along and dancing and paying no attention to them – everything was fine. ‘There’s a hunger in my heart. It’s full of promise, promise’. Alec was getting harder against Magnus’ touch, his breathing was heavy and his excitement grew along with his hard-on. ‘I kinda like it, I like it’. He’d never felt this kind of dangerous desire before – ‘‘Cause I, I just wanna feel something real. Wanna feel something’ – slowly getting back to reality as the song neared an end, Alec realized what was going on. He was getting a handjob in the middle of a crowded concert! He was almost certain they were doing something illegal. But he didn’t get time to respond, because when the song was over Magnus pulled his hand out of Alec’s pants and joined the applause, leaving Alec aching for more. Alec was too busy adjusting himself and getting back to reality to join the applause. He was completely baffled by the entire situation. What did it mean? Why had Magnus done what he did? Did he know what it did to Alec? His head was spinning with questions and the heat from being in the center of a big crowd. He couldn’t be there anymore, he felt claustrophobic suddenly.  
“I have to go outside,” he yelled into Magnus’ ear.  
“Why? I’ll come with you,” Magnus looked worried, or maybe even a little bit guilty.   
Alec pushed through the crowd to get out of there, people were pushing back all around him and he started to feel dizzy; a prickling sensation against his eyes as they welled up. He knew Magnus wanted to take things slow, if he wanted anything at all. Maybe he was only keeping him company and making a fool out of him, because of his music. It would look good for the piano teacher to tell everyone how he’d helped out a poor student make a living off the songs he made about said piano teacher. Finally, Alec broke through the crowd and through the door. Magnus was right behind him, and had probably gone through the crowd with his usual catlike ease.   
“I’m sorry if I did something to upset you,” Magnus said, trying to get Alec’s attention. Alec looked up at the man; he had all of his attention, always.   
“Why would you do that? You were the one who wanted to do this right?” Alec demanded.  
“Didn’t it feel right?” Magnus looked hurt now. Alec just glared at the beautiful human in front of him. He knew what Alec had meant, he had to know. While Alec stared at him, Magnus’ confidence seemed to go down a notch, and he looked at his hands as if they held the answer to Alec’s question. “I don’t know what’s happening to me,” Magnus swallowed hard, “I couldn’t help myself. You could have stopped me if you wanted to, you know that?”  
“But I did want you to,” Alec admitted. He had never been so confused in his life. Why did Magnus have to make it so complicated?  
“Maybe we should call it a night?” Magnus suggested.  
“We can’t part without at least talking about it first? I’m so confused, I don’t know what to do,” Alec ran his hand through his half-long hair.   
“We can’t be alone,” Magnus said.   
“Right,” Alec agreed hesitantly.   
“We could go to a café?” he suggested. Alec nodded, and they went to the nearest café open at this hour. It didn’t make much difference, because there were only two other people in the café, and one of them was the barista. The settled down in the corner, sitting across the table from each other. Alec took a deep breath and tried not to look too much at Magnus, when he looked sort of upset. He’d never felt this way before, not even when his sister got upset, then he just wanted to run in the opposite direction. But with Magnus he just wanted to kiss him and tell him everything was fine. He’d never been the person his friends turned to when they needed comforting.   
“This isn’t working, is it?” Alec wondered, when Magnus moved his hand away as soon as Alec touched it on the table.   
“I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I shouldn’t have…” Magnus said, his eyes closed. Everything about Magnus was so confusing to Alec. What was going on inside of Magnus’ head? He wanted desperately to know everything about him suddenly. He didn’t just want to experiment with Magnus, not after tonight. This wasn’t just a silly college crush. He wasn’t just attracted to his looks anymore. He felt responsible for Magnus’ sadness and he wanted to fix it.  
“I feel it too, you know. You’re not going crazy. If you are, so am I,” Alec shrugged. He didn’t know if Magnus was struggling with the same sort of feelings Alec was, but if he was it felt like his duty to tell Magnus he wasn’t alone in it. Alec felt how all the stories were true. He’d never been much of a romantic, or even believed in sappy love stories, but meeting Magnus might be starting to change his mind. And it was a scary sort of feeling to have someone mean so much to you so soon. “Do you have any siblings?” Alec asked, when Magnus didn’t reply. Magnus looked up at him enquiringly. The man looked confused for a moment.  
“No, I don’t.”  
“What are your parents like?” Alec continued. Magnus started to understand what he was doing, and relaxed a bit in his seat.   
“I never met my father, and my mom has cancer,” he replied.   
“I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want to talk about it?” Alec asked carefully.   
“No. Not right now, I mean,” Magnus said. Alec didn’t press it any further.   
“Do you want to hear about my family?” Alec wondered, after a long pause.   
“I already know Izzy. And I know of the Lightwoods,” Magnus replied.   
“You know my family?” Alec didn’t know whether to be surprised or just afraid he might know some of the bad things his family had done. The Lightwoods were a big family, and had lots of powerful people. Izzy and Alec were sort of the outsiders of the family, because they were “trying to be real musicians”, as their father put it. Although, Alec’s uncle was by far the worst of them; a pretentious snob who thought he was better than everyone and worst of all – he was a politician.   
“I know of them. You’re related to Benedict Lightwood, right? Don’t worry, I won’t hold it against you.”   
“My uncle is a misogynist and a pig,” Alec said bitterly. He barely knew the guy, but he knew enough.   
“Don’t those two sort of go hand in hand?”   
“Right. Well, even my cousins cut him out of their lives,” Alec said. He didn’t like to talk about that part of his family. He liked his two older cousins, but he barely ever spoke to them.   
“Right, so that makes the lesser evil Lightwood brother your father? Robert, is it?”   
“He’s not that bad. I guess he’s made some poor choices, but haven’t we all?” Alec shrugged. He didn’t always agree with his father, but he understood why he was the way that he was. He hadn’t grown up around the same kind of love Alec, Izzy and their younger brother Max had. His parents had been very strict. And then there was his job; as a prosecutor he had to dig into the worst parts of the world every day. Alec knew why Magnus had heard about his father – he’d had a small incident a few years ago, where he won a trial against an innocent person. It was all over the news.   
“I’m sure you’re right,” Magnus smiled softly. “And your mother?”  
“My mom is a lot like Izzy, actually. She’s not a musician though, she’s… a matriarch. She’s very passionate about everything she does,” Alec smiled, as he talked about his mother. He was proud to have gotten most of his looks and personality from her. She was one of the city’s most respected judges.   
“She must be lovely for you to talk about her like that,” Magnus looked into his coffee cup.  
“She is,” Alec replied. He didn’t understand much about his parents’ jobs, and he was certain they were disappointed in his and Izzy’s college choice, but it didn’t mean he loved them any less.   
When Magnus looked back up at him, Alec realized his little small talk wasn’t working. It didn’t matter how casual he tried to be in his conversation, there would always be that tension and lust between them.   
“Can I walk you home?” Alec asked.   
“Okay,” Magnus said, and got up from the chair. The man turned and walked towards the door to the café, while Alec just watched him walk away for a few seconds. It was the first time he’d seen Magnus from behind this evening. Magnus’ body was lean, but somewhat muscular, and his fashionable black ripped skinny jeans and oversize shirt only added to the attraction Alec felt for this man. He took a deep breath and followed the guy out of the café. “Were you just checking me out?” Magnus asked. He was one step ahead of Alec, and he didn’t look back, so Alec couldn’t read his expression. He decided to continue with confidence.  
“Yes, I was,” he replied, and caught up to the slightly taller man. He was grinning, which made it impossible for Alec not to smile back. They walked in silence, and Alec wanted to take Magnus’ hand, but Magnus had his hands in his jeans pockets. “Are you cold?” Alec wondered. Perhaps Magnus just wanted to avoid holding hands, but it was a somewhat cold night, and you could almost see through Magnus’ shirt.   
“Are you going to offer me your sweater?” Magnus smirked.  
“Would that be too much?” Alec asked, pulling his shoulders up in a shrug.   
“No, I think that would be a lovely gesture, but I’m not cold.”  
Alec had no idea where this new tension between them had come from. It was like Magnus was pulling away from him, and it drove Alec mad with worry that he might have done something wrong. Maybe he shouldn’t have asked about his family. Maybe it only made Magnus think about his sick mother. And then there was the question – how sick was his mother? Was she dying? A lot of people got cured for cancer these days. And he still didn’t understand why they were fighting whatever they had between them, they should embrace it. Alec was so busy trying to get his curiosity and wonder under control, he almost bumped into Magnus, when they stopped outside of his apartment.  
“Do you want to come inside?” Magnus asked, and it surprised Alec for a moment.  
“Do you want me to come inside?” he asked. Magnus sighed.   
“Yes, I think I want you to come inside.”   
Alec wanted nothing more than to spend more time with Magnus, so he didn’t turn down the offer. Chairman Meow was sprawled on the couch, and lazily lifted his head to see who disturbed his nap. Once Magnus had removed his shoes, and turned to walk all the way in to the apartment, Alec caught his hand. Magnus stared down at their hands, and held his breath.   
“What’s wrong?” Alec asked.   
“You make me nervous,” Magnus whispered. Alec blinked, trying to understand what he did to make this beautiful man nervous. Alec decided not to care anymore, he wanted to show Magnus how much he wanted him, so he closed the distance between them, placed his hands on Magnus’ waist and pulled the man in for a long sweet kiss. Magnus’ lips were soft, and Alec could taste the coffee from earlier; it only made the kiss so much better. Even during this cold season and the darkness of the night, Alec could hear the birds singing and smell the sun burning. Magnus’ lips were becoming a drug for him, and he might have gotten carried away, because Alec had no recollection of removing Magnus’ shirt or his own, and moving into Magnus’ bedroom, where Magnus was backing up against the edge of his bed. He had only thought of all the beauty of the divine images flashing behind his closed eyelids – Magnus by the piano, Magnus playing Alec’s music, Magnus shirtless… Alec’s hand ran over the other man’s torso. But then Alec nearly felt like someone punched him in the face to wake him up from a beautiful dream, when Magnus moved away from him.   
“What are you doing?” Alec was certain he looked as hurt as he felt, because Magnus avoided his gaze.  
“Maybe I shouldn’t be your first,” his voice was only a whisper, and Alec barely heard him.  
“What? Why?” Maybe he’d misheard him.  
“You have me up on a pedestal. I’ll just disappoint you,” Magnus looked down at his hands, avoiding eye contact.  
“That’s not possible,” Alec objected.   
“That’s exactly what I mean – you can’t say something like that and not expect me to get…” Magnus sighed.   
“Insecure?” Alec offered, hiding his amusement. Magnus looked back at him, biting his lip. “I have no experience, I have nothing to compare it to, I should be the one to get insecure.” To some extend he was insecure, he felt nervous and vulnerable, but he did a good job at hiding those emotions both from Magnus and from himself.  
“You’re expecting something amazing, but the truth is – sex is not all it’s cracked up to be,” Magnus shrugged.   
“I don’t expect fireworks. I’m not a sixteen-year-old girl,” Alec replied.   
“Are you sure?” Magnus narrowed his eyes.   
“Ha ha, make fun of the guy who’s never been in love before,” Alec said, and it took him a moment before he realized what he’d said. “Shit. I didn’t mean, I…” What could he say? That he hadn’t fallen in love after an entire night in Magnus’ company? Alec had promised himself not to get intense tonight, but Magnus had made that impossible at the concert. The entire night had felt like one long rollercoaster ride, and he knew by now that Magnus was just as confused as he was, even if he had more experience dating. Maybe they were different after all. Maybe they were something completely new. Didn’t they owe it to each other to at least see where this was going?   
“Can I ask you something personal?” Magnus wondered.  
“Will you continue making out with me afterwards?”   
“Sure,” Magnus said with a hint of amusement.  
“Okay. Go ahead then.”  
“Do you think you’ll sell the songs you’ve written the past week?” Magnus asked.   
“I wouldn’t know where to begin,” Alec lied. Magnus had to see his lie; he studied music at college, he was bound to have made some research about it.   
“I’ll help you.”  
“I would really love it if you and Clary would want them,” he admitted.   
“Alec, you need to think about your future. You need to be practical and make a living. You can’t just give your work away for free,” Magnus said.  
“How about you give me fifty dollars for all the songs?” Alec tried to be funny, and apparently it worked for a second. Magnus flashed a smile.   
“You want to live off fifty dollars?” Magnus asked. Alec shrugged. “I’m just saying, you need to think about this.”  
“You’re trying to parent me, but it won’t work. I don’t write songs for the highest bidder, I write songs for the right bidder,” Alec explained. “They’re personal.”  
“I realize that, I’m just trying to look out for you,” Magnus said.   
“Why?” Alec hadn’t planned on asking, but it seemed the right time to demand to hear why Magnus cared so much. Magnus was taken aback for second, and seemed to search for the right words.  
“I don’t know why you mean so much to me already, but you do,” he said. It was as simple as that, and it meant they both felt the same way.   
Alec pushed Magnus down onto the bed softly, and followed on top of him. They began to make out again, and Alec could feel Magnus’ heart beat against his own naked chest. It was a wonderful feeling to be so close to Magnus, exploring Magnus’ skin and muscles and scars. Once his hand ran over a scar on Magnus’ abdomen, Alec leaned up and looked down at it. He hadn’t noticed it before. Magnus’ eyes followed Alec’s.  
“Robbery,” Magnus said. Alec looked back up into Magnus’ eyes. “My mom owned a music store, and one day a couple of guys came into the store. I thought I could get rid of them, I had something to prove I guess, but one of them stabbed me,” he explained.   
“Really?”  
“No, my appendix burst,” Magnus said flatly. Alec was pretty sure doctors knew how to leave less of a mark after removing your appendix. He couldn’t tell if Magnus was joking or not.  
“Can I ask you a personal question?”   
“What?” Magnus asked and looked up at the ceiling. He definitely didn’t like talking about himself. Alec didn’t know why, but somehow that surprised him.   
“What kind of cancer does your mom have? Is it aggressive?”   
“Pancreatic cancer,” Magnus replied. Alec knew enough to realize that sort of cancer wasn’t usually caught in its early stages.  
“Will she be all right?” Alec asked. Magnus just shook his head. It saddened Alec to see Magnus so vulnerable, so instead of just staring at Magnus with compassion, he lay his head down on Magnus’ chest, and wrapped his arms around the man. “I’m sorry,” he whispered. Magnus didn’t respond, and they continued to just lay on top of each other for several minutes. Eventually Magnus’ heartbeat led Alec into a peaceful sleep.


	5. G.B.F.

Alec woke up in Magnus’ bed alone. When he came to his senses, he could smell the coffee boiling in the kitchen. He got out of the bed, noticed Chairman Meow on a piece of clothing on the floor, scowling at him as if Alec had taken his spot. He probably had. He dragged his feet out into the kitchen, and had to take a minute to take in the scene – Magnus was wearing a red silk robe, leaning over the kitchen table while reading through the newspaper with a coffee mug in his hand. He wasn’t making it very easy for Alec to resist him.   
“Good morning,” Alec said, scratching the back of his neck and realizing his hair was a mess. Magnus looked up and smiled softly.   
“Morning,” he replied. “Coffee?”  
“Yes please,” Alec groaned. He usually got his morning coffee before talking to anyone, it was probably the safest thing to do. But somehow he didn’t feel cranky this morning like he usually did. Magnus poured him a cup, and Alec sat down across from him, while sipping at the bitter black coffee – just the way he liked it. After a few minutes of silence between them, Alec looked at Magnus again. The man was still reading the newspaper. “I’m sorry about your mom. If there’s anything I can do…”  
“There’s not,” Magnus cut him off. He obviously didn’t like to talk about his personal life, which sort of hurt Alec a bit. He was used to everyone in his life prying into his personal life or telling him everything about their lives.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to…” he sighed, because once again he felt an unwelcomed sort of tension between them. It was like Magnus wanted to put a wall up between them, yet sometimes that wall wasn’t all that tall, until finally Magnus remembered that he needed to guard himself.   
“It’s fine,” he said and folded the newspaper.   
“I just want to be a part of your life?” Alec tried. Magnus looked at him. Did he look hurt?   
“Alec…”  
“Why? Why are you being so reluctant? I know you feel it too, I feel your pulse race when I touch you,” Alec said.   
“I’ve had my heart broken so many times, I’m getting tired. I don’t want to fool around with teenagers anymore,” he sighed.   
“I’m hardly a teenager anymore,” Alec frowned. “And how do you know that’s all I want to do?”  
“I know your family’s politics. You’re not about to bring home a man to family dinner,” Magnus said. Alec felt his face burn with rage, as the words hit him where it hurt the most – his family. His family would most likely pretend he didn’t exist.   
“I don’t care…” Alec began.  
“Yes you do,” Magnus interrupted, and Alec knew the man was right. He did care what his family thought of him, even if he’d decided to go in a different direction than what they’d envisioned for him. That had been different, he’d had his sister with him – Izzy was the rebel of the family, not him. It seemed ridiculous to compare something so complex as love to being a rebel. It wasn’t right, if anything Aline’s political view on equality and gay rights had helped him realize this, though it didn’t make any difference where his thoughts came from, because he knew deep down what was right and what was wrong.   
“You don’t want to at least try? I don’t think I’ve ever wanted anything this much in my entire life,” Alec might have exaggerated, but he knew he had to do anything in his power to convince this man that he was serious. “Please believe that I don’t want to break your heart?”   
Magnus stared at him for a long moment after that, as if he was thinking up all the possible scenarios of how Alec could break his heart.   
“I don’t believe a lot of people intend to break someone’s heart. It’s not always something we have control over. Last night…”  
“I wish we could spend every night like that,” Alec admitted. Magnus didn’t even look surprised at his little romantic slurs anymore. “What do I need to do to show you how serious I am?”   
“I don’t know, Alec,” Magnus sighed. “How about you sell those songs?”   
Alec thought about it for a moment, and he was pretty sure Magnus knew the songs only meant something because of him. He was willing to sell them if it would make Magnus happy. Alec also knew that he had a few more songs up his sleeves, while spending time with Magnus. His feelings continued to evolve, and it gave way for new inspiration.  
“Okay,” he shrugged.   
“What?” Magnus looked surprised, and Alec realized he hadn’t thought he would do it.   
“I’ll sell my songs. Who do you suppose I sell them to?” Alec asked, feeling smug. Magnus studied him for a moment.   
“Let me worry about that. Don’t you have classes to prepare for?”   
“I’m a good student, I can take one day off,” Alec smirked. For a split second Alec thought he noticed something change in Magnus’ expression – a sigh of relief, a silent laugh of happiness or simply a glint in his eye. Alec got to his feet and walked around the table. Magnus followed him with his eyes and leaned his back against the table, as if he was trying lean away from Alec. But the look in his eyes when he stared back at Alec was unmistakable – he wanted him just as much. Alec led his hand slide under the soft fabric of the man’s robe and stroked his smooth stomach. A sigh escaped the older man’s mouth.   
“You have no idea what effect you have on me,” Magnus breathed, and bit his lower lip.  
“I think I have a pretty good idea about it,” Alec replied, and pressed his lips against Magnus’ neck, sticking his tongue out to lick the salty skin. Magnus caught Alec’s hand, before he could let it wander any further. If it had been anyone else, Alec would probably have given up by now and taken the hint – but he knew Magnus felt the same way, he couldn’t explain how, but he knew. Magnus was just scared for some reason. Heck, Alec was scared too, but he didn’t let it take over. It was an exciting kind of fear. Magnus turned his head and kissed Alec’s temple softly.   
“Not until you’ve sold a song,” Magnus whispered.   
“What, are you kidding me?” Alec leaned back to look at him. He didn’t appear to be joking. “I should probably leave then?”  
“Probably,” Magnus nodded.  
“If you don’t want me to leave, you should say it now,” Alec tried.   
“I don’t want you to leave, but it’s probably for the best, until… things cool down,” Magnus looked down at his own crotch – he was getting hard under his boxer briefs. Alec suppressed the grin he felt all the way from his chest.   
…  
A few days after he’d woken up to the sweet smell of Magnus’ coffee, Alec walked the halls to meet his friends, and as he walked past an open classroom, he heard a familiar voice from inside the room. He peeked inside and saw Magnus teaching a student by the piano. Alec watched for a while and eventually Magnus noticed they had an audience. He said something to the student in a low voice that Alec couldn’t hear from where he stood. The student nodded and started playing the song again, but in a different key. Magnus walked up to where Alec was waiting.   
“Are you following me?” Magnus winked.   
“You know I go here, right?” Alec joked. “Have you sold my songs yet?”   
Magnus crossed his arms with a cute smile, as if he needed to keep his hands close to his body so he wouldn’t accidentally touch Alec.   
“I’m working on it. Actually, I might have found someone, but I think you should meet her in person,” Magnus said.  
“Just tell me who it is?” Alec rolled his eyes.   
“You might freak out,” Magnus admitted. Alec narrowed his eyes.   
“Don’t tell me… Adele? No, Beyoncé?!”   
“Are you always this funny?” Magnus wondered.  
“I took a class once, now I’m hilarious,” Alec shrugged.   
“Tessa Gray.”  
“What!?” Alec exclaimed. He might have heard him wrong.   
“I said Tessa Gray, not Adele.”   
“Well it might as well be. Are you kidding?”   
“No?” Magnus seemed confused at Alec’s surprise. Alec realized he might have offended Magnus somehow by assuming he didn’t know anyone as great as Tessa Gray. If Alec had thought about it he could probably have gotten in contact with her himself. She was engaged to one of Jace’s distant cousins.   
“I’m sorry, I’m just shocked that you would find someone…” Alec tried to find the right words.  
“So famous?”   
“So suitable for my songs. She’d be perfect. But doesn’t she write her own songs?” Alec asked.  
“Will Herondale writes the majority of them. You remind me of him in some ways,” Magnus smiled dreamily.   
“Oh,” Alec realized he felt a stab of jealousy of that.   
“Did you get a little bit jealous just now?” Magnus smirked.   
“No,” Alec hesitated. “Yes,” he admitted. The music stopped in the background and Alec looked back at the student by the piano and she was watching them.   
“I should get back to my student. I’ll set up a meeting for you and Tessa.”  
“You’ll be there too, right?” Alec asked with a certain amount of hope. He wanted any excuse he could get to see Magnus.   
“Sure,” the man smiled and turned back to his student.  
Alec walked to band practice with a huge smile on his face. He’d never known one person could give him this much happiness. The others were waiting for him in the practice room, and noticed his mood instantly.  
“You seem oddly chipper today?” Izzy remarked.   
“It’s nothing,” Alec shrugged, but he couldn’t peel off that smile on his face. Jace watched him with narrowed eyes.   
“Did you finally have sex? It’s about time, you know,” he joked. Or at least Alec thought his friend was joking. Alec returned the remark with a frown. “Okay, so you didn’t. What’s up?”  
Alec turned his eyes towards Clary for a moment. He’d been so certain he wanted her to have his songs, but he knew Tessa’s voice well enough to know that she would be a more suitable fit. Still, he was growing to really like Clary and he didn’t want to let her down. When he didn’t look away from her for a few seconds, she raised her eyebrows inquiringly. Alec looked back at Jace.  
“Do you still talk to Will?” he asked.  
“Sure, sometimes. Why?”   
“Magnus might be able to sell my songs to his fiancée,” Alec explained.   
“Tessa Gray? Seriously?” Jace looked impressed. Alec looked back at Clary. She had a small smile on her face, and Alec wasn’t sure if it was a proud or a sad face.  
“That’s great Alec,” she said.   
“This is huge. We need to celebrate!” Izzy exclaimed.  
“I’ll go get us some knock-off champagne,” Simon got to his feet.  
“Wait, nothing is settled yet. He’s going to set up a meeting. I’m still not sure I’ll do it,” Alec lied. He was certain that he wanted to do it, unless Clary would be too disappointed.   
“What are you talking about? Of course you’ll do it! Do you have any idea how big her fan base is?” Izzy said.   
“Of course I know,” Alec sighed dramatically.   
“You’ll be rich,” she continued.   
“And then you and Magnus can adopt me,” Simon noted.   
“Shut up, Simon,” Izzy and Alec said in unison, causing Izzy to giggle a bit.   
“Maybe Alec doesn’t want to sell out. It should be his decision,” Clary shrugged. Alec looked at her.  
“Thank you, Clary. Now should we practice? We have a big gig this weekend, no?” Alec said and went to sit by the drums.   
They practiced for two hours without discussing Alec’s private life and songwriting any further. Alec noticed how quiet Clary was, when she wasn’t singing. She always had something to say in between songs, or suggestions to how they could change things up. But she didn’t say anything today, and it made Alec think he might have done something to upset her. So after practice, he pulled her aside and asked her privately.   
“What’s bothering you?” he asked in a low voice, because the others had only just left the room.   
“What do you mean?”  
“Don’t play dumb with me. You’re always straightforward, something’s bothering you, I can tell. If you don’t want me to sell the songs, I…” he hesitated for a moment, thinking how desperately he wanted Magnus, but also how much he admired Clary. “I won’t sell them. But I’ll be honest, I didn’t think you even wanted them?”   
“Are you done?” she retorted.   
“It’s not the songs?” he figured a bit taken aback. He’d been so certain he was the issue.  
“No, it’s not the songs. I love the songs, but they’re not for me. Tessa would be perfect,” she replied. Alec thought about it for a moment. He wasn’t usually nosy, and he didn’t know how to let Clary know she could tell him if something bothered her.   
“Then what’s wrong with you?” he asked, and cursed himself for his choice of words. “That came out wrong…”  
“Don’t worry about it,” she said and turned to walk away. Reflexively, Alec reached out and took her hand in his. Clary froze. It was an odd gesture coming from Alec.   
“I worry, okay?” he replied, and let go of her hand. She sighed deeply.   
“It’s Jace,” she admitted.   
“What did he do now?”   
“It’s a long story,” Clary shrugged.   
“Coffee?” Alec offered, and Clary smiled at him. She was tiny and fragile and fierce, and Alec somehow felt a similar connection to her as he did with Aline. He still missed Aline every day, but his past few weeks had been so insane, he’d forgotten how much he missed having a friend like her nearby at all time. He wasn’t trying to replace Aline, but he wanted to get along with Clary, even if he was bound to have to hear about his best friend’s indiscretions.   
…  
Alec had sensed that Jace was interested in Clary from the very beginning. Clary wasn’t someone you could win over easily, Alec also knew that much. But apparently his best friend had taken to childish and worthless ways to win her over. Or at least Alec would think it was a worthless try, but it seemed to work on Clary. The thing was that Jace had made out with a random girl at the club the other night, in Clary’s presence. It was all a bit confusing, because Alec had up until now not been interested in knowing anything that went on in their little group of friends, and all the knowledge he had about the relationships was from what he’d guessed himself.   
“So you and Jace have…?” he asked.  
“No, I mean. We kissed, once,” she shrugged.   
“And you turned him down?”  
“No. It’s complicated,” Clary sighed. Alec would never understand girls. And he realized he might be turning into the G.B.F, but if it meant he could clean up the mess between his friends, then he would give it a try.   
“Because you’re also in love with Simon?”   
“What? No! Why would you think that? You can’t be in love with two people.”   
“Why not?” Alec wondered. He’d never been in love himself, but he was beginning to know the feeling. He didn’t see why someone wouldn’t be able to feel the same way about two different people.   
“Is that what’s happening to you?” she wondered.  
“What do you mean?”   
“Izzy said you’ve been ignoring Jace since he started showing interest in me?” Clary said.   
“What?”   
“Don’t play dumb with me,” she mimicked his expression from earlier.   
“I’m not in love with Jace, if that’s what you’re implying.”  
“I think it’s perfectly natural to have strong feelings for your best friend,” she continued.   
“Is that what happened to you?”   
“Simon is like a brother to me,” she explained.  
“So is Jace,” he replied.   
Alec had always been jealous of Jace for many reasons, and maybe he’d even been a bit infatuated with him at some point, but it was nothing like the way he felt about Magnus. Alec had never been one who allowed himself to want the unattainable, and that’s what Jace was for him. Magnus only wanted to seem unattainable, but Alec knew he wasn’t. And he was starting to love the challenge.   
“Okay,” Clary said.   
“So what are you going to do about it?”  
“About what?”  
“Jace,” Alec rolled his eyes. Clary shrugged. “You know you better be sure, if you take his bait. I know you want our band to be a success just as much as I do.”   
“Why do you think this is so complicated to me?”   
“Right. Well, you better get your feelings under control,” Alec said it matter-of-factly.   
“You’re one to talk,” she mumbled.  
“Now what?”  
“I can see the wheels spinning behind your eyes. You’re always making new songs. I can’t just get rid of my feelings by putting them into words,” she exclaimed.  
“That’s not what I’m doing. They don’t go away just because I write them down, that’s just a way for me to understand them. I thought you were an artist?”   
“Maybe I’m not a very good one,” she said with tears in her eyes.   
“What? Clary, that’s not true. You know that,” he sighed. He hated it when girls cried. Especially tiny redheaded girls. “If it’s really bothering you that much that Jace is making out with other girls, you should do something about it.”  
“Of course. You’re right,” she wiped her eyes. “What are you doing about Magnus?”   
“I’m trying to sell my songs. He wants me to be mature and think about my future.”  
“You’re mature,” she retorted. “He’s an idiot if he doesn’t see it.”  
“Did you just call Magnus Bane an idiot?”   
“I guess I did,” she chuckled.   
…  
“Clary said you were an idiot,” Alec smirked, while he and Magnus were waiting for Tessa to meet them at the nearest coffee shop. Magnus looked at him sideways.  
“Really? I’ll have to have a talk with her mother,” he winked.   
Alec slid his hand over Magnus’ under the table. He traced the other man’s fingers with his own. Magnus sighed and closed his eyes.   
“She’s not entirely wrong though. I feel like a complete idiot…” Magnus whispered. Alec removed his hand, when he saw Tessa enter the coffee shop and spot them in the corner. Magnus opened his eyes and didn’t get to finish what he was going to say before Tessa reached them. Alec shook her hand.   
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Miss Gray,” he said.  
“Likewise, Lightwood,” she smiled. She was even more enchanting in real life. Her voice felt like velvet in his ears. Magnus stood up and gave her a kiss on the cheek.   
Tessa was a very down-to-business kind of woman, and she went straight to the topic.  
“Magnus sent me two of your songs, and I absolutely love them. It’s a bit different than what I’m usually doing, but I can definitely see myself going in that direction,” she said.   
“That sounds great,” Alec was ecstatic. “But I would want to hear you sing them first.”  
“Alec, that’s not how it works,” Magnus said in a low voice. Alec knew that, of course. But this felt different somehow.  
“They’re very personal to me,” he added. Tessa’s eyes shifted to Magnus for a second and then back to Alec.  
“I understand. And I would of course want your approval,” Tessa smiled softly.   
“How much can you offer?” Magnus asked.   
“I usually split forty sixty with Will, but he is my fiancé after all,” she mused.  
“Twenty-five?” Magnus looked smug.   
“Fifteen?” she offered.  
“Twenty-five. Those songs will take you to the next level and you know it,” Magnus stood his ground.   
“It was wise of you to bring Magnus,” Tessa gave them a musical laugh.   
“He’s the reason they exist in the first place, he can do what he wants with them,” Alec admitted by accident. Magnus looked away with a sigh. Tessa’s expression softened.  
“Relax. I figured already,” she winked at Magnus, but Alec wasn’t sure he saw it. The beautiful woman leaned over the table and put her hand on top of Alec’s. “I hope you treat him well. Magnus deserves the best,” she said.  
“Yes he does,” Alec agreed and Magnus looked back at them.   
“I like him,” Tessa said to Magnus. “Twenty-five. And you can hear the songs in a week.”   
“Fantastic!” Alec exclaimed. Tessa laughed again, and repositioned a stray hair behind her ear. She got to her feet, but looked at Magnus before she was ready to leave.  
“He reminds you a bit of Will, doesn’t he?” she mused.  
“Yes he does,” Magnus smiled softly.   
“See you soon,” she smiled one last time and left the coffee shop.   
“She’s amazing, Magnus,” Alec admitted as soon as Tessa had left the shop.   
“You seem surprised?”   
“No, I just thought… I don’t know what I thought,” he shrugged. Magnus was studying Alec for a moment, and Alec didn’t know what he was trying to figure out. “What are you thinking?”   
“I just really love that look on you,” Magnus said quietly. Alec looked down at himself. He didn’t have a new look today.   
“What look?” He wiped his mouth, maybe he had latte on his lip.   
“Happiness,” he smiled softly.   
“Oh. I thought, maybe you were thinking of something else…” Alec leaned closer on the bench, and led his hand up Magnus’ thigh. He’d never seduced anyone before, but he’d also never wanted to seduce anyone and maybe that’s why it felt natural with Magnus. If only Magnus wouldn’t fight it.   
“Alec, don’t,” the man sighed. Alec’s hand continued to travel, and Magnus caught his hand before it could get too far. “Stop it!” he exclaimed. Alec leaned back with a bit of shock. A few people were staring at them, and Alec wanted to crawl into his paper cup and close the lid. He got to his feet and stormed out of the coffee shop with embarrassment. He didn’t slow his pace, before he got to the park. He felt so stupid. Maybe Magnus never wanted him. Maybe it was only his way of feeling better with himself, by helping out a student.   
Alec had been sitting on a bench for nearly twenty minutes, when Magnus came up to him.   
“Can I sit?”  
“I don’t own the bench,” Alec replied flatly. Magnus sat down next to him. Alec buried his face in his palms. Magnus only reminded him how embarrassed he was. He was already writing a song inside his head about his embarrassment.   
“I never got to finish what I was about to say, before Tessa showed up,” Magnus began. “I feel like an idiot for having these sorts of feelings for yet another student. I never learn from my mistakes.”   
Alec looked up at the gorgeous piano teacher next to him. He was so beautiful in the bright light of the day, with his glittery dark brown hair, studded earrings and sharp cheekbones. Alec could watch him all day, and sometimes even wished he had Clary’s talent to capture this sort of beauty with a pen and paper – but then he remembered, he did capture the beauty with his words. If only he was good with words while he was in front of Magnus.   
“What do you mean another student?” Alec wondered.  
“I mean that I’ve done the same mistake before.”  
“I’m a mistake?”   
“No. I don’t know what you are, Alec,” Magnus admitted.   
“Who was it? Camille?” Alec asked. Magnus laughed. “Okay, then who?”  
“Someone a lot like you,” Magnus continued to be ambiguous and it drove Alec mad.   
“Why won’t you talk to me? You never tell me anything! You think I’m a child? Aren’t you supposed to see your students as adults?” Alec felt the anger boil inside of him. Magnus turned to look at him.   
“I know you’re not a child. You’re inexperienced,” Magnus explained. “I don’t want to be your college experiment.”   
“How could you even think that? You’ve seen my songs. You’ve seen how I feel!” Alec was so frustrated. He felt like he was going in circles, getting nowhere.   
“You’re drawing on your imagination and infatuation. Those sorts of feelings will pass,” Magnus said.   
“Who was the other student?”   
“It wasn’t just one. I’m the cliché professor who sleeps with his students. There, is that what you want to hear?” Magnus sounded angry now.   
“Who was the other student?” Alec repeated. He knew there had to be a specific person.   
“Will Herondale,” Magnus sighed. Alec had to digest this information for a moment. He was talking about the blue-eyed, black-haired songwriter, engaged to Tessa Gray. Alec now understood what Magnus was doing with him.   
“I’m so stupid,” he said to himself and walked towards the park’s exit. Magnus was right behind him.   
“It’s not like that.”   
“Like what?” Alec stopped and Magnus almost bumped into him.   
“I know you’re not him.”  
“Obviously you don’t. I’m not gonna run off with Tessa or some other girl. So please stop assuming the worst of me,” Alec demanded.   
“How do you know?”  
“Are you saying Will wanted you just as much as I do, until he met Tessa?” Alec asked, already knowing the answer. The Herondales Alec knew were the straightest people to walk the face of Earth.   
“No. It’s more complicated than that. I’m not sure I can be with someone that’s so similar to him,” Magnus said. Alec didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t just change everything about himself – or could he?   
“Fine, I’ll shave my head. I’ll wear contacts.”   
Something seemed to spark in Magnus’ eyes then. He pulled Alec close to him in a quick move and crashed his lips against Alec’s. Alec clung to the other man, afraid he would let him go too soon. Everything around him was spinning, and he loved the way Magnus’ lean body fit against his own. Alec kept his arms around Magnus’ back in a tight grip, when Magnus leaned away. Alec could feel Magnus’ heart racing against his own beating heart; Magnus was nervous. Alec couldn’t believe it.   
“I want you,” Alec whispered. Magnus eyes were glinting.   
“Shit,” Magnus breathed and had to look up to escape Alec’s gaze. Alec kissed Magnus’ chin and the man looked back at him with a warm look.   
“I’m scared too,” Alec admitted.   
“You don’t seem scared,” Magnus whispered, and leaned his forehead against Alec’s.   
“I turn those sorts of emotions inward and keep them until I’m ready to use them for songs.”  
“Really?” Magnus chuckled. “Maybe we should go some place else?”  
“Yeah. We can go to your place and talk?”   
“Talk? I had something else in mind,” Magnus smirked. Alec let go of Magnus and took a step back.  
“No, I can’t do that.”   
“What?” Magnus asked with shock. They’d established that Alec wanted him very much, but Magnus’ reluctance had made Alec nervous.   
“How do I know you’re not taking advantage of me? You never tell me anything about yourself?”   
“I just told you something!” he exclaimed.  
“You gave me a name. That’s nothing,” Alec said. “Every time you give me bits of information about yourself with no details, I use my imagination, which can only be so much worse than the reality,” Alec added cleverly, if he had to say so himself.   
“Okay. I’ll see you around,” Magnus shrugged and walked past Alec. Alec was just about to give in, but he knew that’s what Magnus wanted. It was a childish play.   
“See you around,” he replied. Magnus didn’t stop walking away. Alec didn’t give in. He had a song he needed to write anyway.   
When he came back to his dorm room, Clary was waiting outside his door.   
“What are you doing here?” Alec wondered, while he unlocked his door.  
“Nice to see you too, Alec,” she retorted and walked into his room. “I kissed Jace.”  
“And?” Alec threw himself down on his bed, thinking about Magnus’ lips crashing against his own right in the middle of the park, where everyone could see them.   
“He kissed me back,” she said nervously.  
“So why are you here?”   
“He took off his shirt,” she said with exasperation.   
“I’m not following?” Alec sat up in the bed, because now she had his full attention – not because of shirtless Jace, but because he thought that’s what Clary wanted.   
“Have you seen Jace shirtless?” she said, as if she was stating the obvious. It took Alec a while, before it reached him. He had seen Jace shirtless…   
“Oh.”  
“Exactly! I couldn’t let him see me shirtless in full daylight. You could have warned me!”   
“I should have warned you about Jace’s abs?” Alec narrowed his eyes.  
“Yes!”  
“This is beginning to be a bit too… chick-flick for me. I have to back out. I cannot be your G.B.F.,” he shrugged apologetically. She wasn’t like Aline after all. Aline was much like himself – she would pine over someone who didn’t seem to want her, but then get over herself and fight for what she wanted. He wasn’t used to a girl friend who would fuss about things like her appearance. It was probably ridiculous. He was nearly certain Jace wouldn’t find anything he didn’t like about Clary’s body.   
“What are you talking about?”   
“Gay best friend?”   
“I know what that stands for. Fine, I’ll just find Simon and Izzy,” Clary said.   
“Simon and Izzy?”   
“Yeah, they’re always hanging out,” she shrugged, trying not to look hurt, but Alec recognized the jealousy.   
“Let them know I said hi,” Alec said. Clary shot him one last look, before leaving with disappointment.   
He had had too much drama for one day, and he had to just curl up on the bed and write this new song. This song was about fighting for what you’re passionate about. It described all the motivation Magnus gave Alec just from existing. It was a difficult song to write, and he had to rewrite the lyrics several times, before eventually falling asleep on top of all the pieces of paper, exhausted after a long day.


	6. Mrs. Bane

Alec woke up, and looked at the last piece of paper he’d scribbled all over with lyrics. He’d been fast asleep all afternoon and it was dark outside now. He looked at the time and saw that it was only eleven pm. Then he read the lyrics again, reminding himself how much he wanted Magnus. It was exhausting to have to explain himself to Magnus all the time. But now he might have finally convinced him how much he wanted him. All he had to do now was make Magnus admit that he wanted Alec too.   
He leaned back on his bed, and looked up at the ceiling, where he’d hung up music sheets from all of his favorite songs to watch in the dark before going to sleep. He wanted to give Magnus half a day more, before he went to see him. Alec was too deep in his emotions to get into anything with Magnus, if he ended up not wanting him in the end.   
Alec didn’t sleep much the rest of the night. He just stayed in his bed and listened to music, he’d decided to study all of Tessa’s songs. Her voice was angelic and he couldn’t wait to hear her sing his lyrics.   
Since he wasn’t really sleeping, he decided to get up early and meet the girls for coffee. Simon was there as well, when he met them at the campus Starbucks. Izzy looked at Alec with an odd expression as he approached them.  
“Alec, you haven’t heard?” she asked.  
“What did I miss?”   
“I just heard from Meliorn that all of Magnus’ classes are canceled this week.”  
“Why?” Alec asked, feeling a lump in his throat as he deep down knew what might be wrong.  
“They think it has something to do with his mother. She’s in the hospital or something,” Izzy explained. Alec’s world seemed to tumble down and ice ran down his spine. He’d never thought he would feel so strongly about a stranger’s health, but Magnus had to be suffering and for some reason that hit him hard.   
“Which hospital?” Alec demanded.  
“I don’t know.”  
“Can you find out? Never mind, I’ll find it myself.”   
Alec rushed out of the coffee shop, already finding Magnus’ number and calling him. No answer. Then he went to the administrations office to see if they had information about Magnus, luckily they could tell him which hospital his mother was in. It wasn’t far away, but he got a cab anyway to get there faster. So many thoughts went through his head on the way there. He hadn’t had time to think whether Magnus even wanted to see him there, but Alec had gotten the impression that Magnus had no one other than his mother, and if that was the case, someone should be with him.   
The nurses were helpful and told him where Mrs. Bane would most likely be. When he got to the floor, he found Magnus in a chair in the hall looking horrible. Magnus looked up just as Alec approached him.  
“Alec?” he exclaimed and got to his feet. “What are you…?” His voice was hoarse, it sounded like he’d been crying. Alec didn’t stop moving until his body crashed against Magnus’, and Magnus sunk into Alec’s embrace.   
“I’m sorry, I didn’t want you to be alone,” he whispered into Magnus’ ear. Magnus let go a sigh of relief, and put his hands up around Alec’s shoulders, keeping him in place for a while, before breaking loose.   
“They’re putting her in a hospice,” he said and swallowed hard.   
“I’m sorry.” Only one thing was worse than seeing a girl friend like Clary cry – seeing a grown man fighting not to break down. “Can I get you anything?” Alec asked. Magnus shook his head and sat back down. Alec joined him. He didn’t know what to do, he didn’t even know if Magnus wanted company. As he looked at Magnus’ heartbroken expression, he absentmindedly brushed the man’s hair back and stroked his cheeks softly. Magnus leaned his face against Alec’s palm, and it nearly made Alec explode. “I don’t want to intrude, but…”  
Magnus took Alec’s free hand and squeezed it.   
“You’re right. I’m alone,” his voice was barely a whisper.   
“No. No, you’re not alone,” Alec felt tears press against his own eyes. He wanted desperately to take away Magnus’ pain.   
“Will you go with me to see her?”   
“Of course,” Alec leaned over to press his lips against Magnus’ forehead.   
…  
Mrs. Bane was awake when they visited her. Alec could imagine how gorgeous she was. She had kind eyes, when she looked at them.   
“Magnus, who’s this handsome young man?” she asked.   
“My name is Alec, ma’am,” Alec said, and stepped closer.   
“Is he your boyfriend?” She looked up at Magnus, who hesitated.  
“I’m working on it,” Alec winked at her and she smiled softly.   
“What do you do, Alec?”   
“Mom?” Magnus sighed and wiped his face with his palm.   
“What? I want to know who takes care of my boy,” she said with a fragile voice, but the sound of her voice promised more – a warning.   
“He doesn’t take care of me,” Magnus replied.   
“Well, I’ll be able to once I’ve sold my songs to Tessa Gray,” Alec shrugged smugly. Magnus scowled at him, and Alec felt the victory it gave him.   
“You’re a musician too?” she cheered.   
“Yeah, a great one at that,” Magnus gave in. Alec slipped his hand into Magnus’ discreetly, silently telling him that he was glad he was here, meeting his mother.   
They spent the next week at the hospice, visiting Magnus’ mother, while the nurses made her as comfortable as possible despite her health failing rapidly. Alec learned what a lovely lady she was, and even when everyone had given up on her, she still kept her spirits up. She insisted on hearing some of Alec’s songs, so Magnus brought a small keyboard, and Alec had to sing a few of them for her. She didn’t care how terrible of a singing voice he had, the songs brought tears of joy to her eyes. And once Magnus left the room for a few minutes to go to the restroom, Mrs. Bane reached out for Alec. He stepped closer and took her small, bony hand.   
“You love him. You really love him. He deserves that,” she whispered.   
“To be honest I’ve only known him for a few weeks,” Alec admitted.  
“It doesn’t matter. Love might grow with time, but it’s there now. I know that kind of love,” she said. For the first time Alec detected sadness in her. He didn’t know how to respond, so he just returned her words with an uncertain smile.   
Eventually Alec had to get back to his studies and his band. They had a big gig the following weekend, which Alec had no motivation to go to. But he also knew that punching away on the drums for a night would probably help him work through some of his frustrations.   
“How’s Magnus?” Clary asked sympathetically, as they were packing the van with their gear.   
“I’m bringing him a new set of clothes and food after the gig,” Alec said, deflecting the question.   
“You know, you don’t have to do all that for him. I’m sure he has other friends and family too. You’re always with him,” she said.   
“It’s funny, I haven’t seen one other person there this past week,” Alec replied bitterly. Some friends Magnus had.   
“Oh,” Clary looked down at the box she was carrying into the van.   
“It’s not like it’s a burden to me. I hate the thoughts I’m having when I’m not with him,” Alec said in a lower voice, so only Clary could hear him. Every time Alec left Magnus, he worried about him. He worried that he would have a breakdown and no one who knew him would be there to help him through it. He worried that Magnus’ mother would die; he worried that Magnus would start hating him for not being there if she did.   
While in the van on their way to the club, Alec’s phone buzzed in his pocket. His heart might have skipped a beat, but fortunately it was only Tessa calling him.  
“Hello Miss Gray,” he tried out the most cheerful voice he could muster.   
“Hello Alexander. I have a few of your songs ready, would it be possible for you to stop by tomorrow? You can bring Magnus, of course,” the musical voice said on the other end of the line.   
“Of course, but I don’t think Magnus will be able to make it. Can I bring another friend?”   
“Bring anyone you’d like. I’ll text you the time and address. See you tomorrow, Alexander.”  
“Thank you. I’ll see you tomorrow,” Alec said and hung up. Everyone in the van was staring at him expectantly. “Crap,” he sighed. “I’ll bring one of you.”  
“Obviously it’ll be me. I’m your sister,” Izzy said, tossing her hair back.  
“So what? He wanted Clary to have the songs, she should go with him,” Jace replied and Alec stared at his friend. He’d expected Jace to convince everyone he’d go with Alec.   
“Guys, I think you’re forgetting something,” Simon said, and they all looked at their nerdy guitarist. “Alec is going to adopt me, I’m his next of kin, therefore I should go with him.” Everybody rolled their eyes and went back to arguing whether Izzy or Clary should go.   
“I’ll take Jace,” Alec sighed. But when he looked at Jace’s smug expression, he realized that had been his plan all along. The sneaky little bastard.  
The club was crowded and for some reason Alec felt nervous. Maybe it was just his subconscious telling him he would rather be with Magnus at a time like this. He only hoped Magnus didn’t feel smothered by him. So perhaps it was a good thing that he had other plans for a few days.   
Alec didn’t stick around after the gig, and the rest of them didn’t complain about it. They’d been really accepting about his situation really quickly, and he loved his friends for that.   
Magnus was asleep in his armchair, when Alec entered his apartment. He’d dropped a book on the floor, and Alec placed it safely on the table next to him, before settling down on the couch. Magnus hadn’t had much sleep lately and he didn’t dare wake him up, so he just lay down and watched the other man sleep. Even while sleeping he looked amazing. He wasn’t a drooler or even one who slept with his mouth open, despite him sitting halfway up in a chair. Alec tugged the pillow under his own head, so it kept his head up far enough to watch Magnus until he couldn’t keep his own eyes open.   
…  
Alec was certain he’d had a dream, but he only remembered images of Magnus in bright light and white clothes. Everything in his dream had emphasized Magnus’ beauty, and so when he opened his eyes he knew he had a smile on his lips. Magnus was gone, but Alec was wearing a blanket he hadn’t been last night. He got up and searched the apartment, until he found Magnus getting dressed in his bedroom. Alec knocked on the door, so he would notice him there. It felt wrong somehow to just stand there and watch the man get dressed, even if it was tempting.   
“Hey,” Magnus said with no emotion in his voice.   
“Hey,” Alec tried to sound warm. “I can’t go with you to see your mom right away, but I’ll only be a couple of hours.”  
“Okay,” Magnus replied. He was wearing a pair of black slacks and a white T-shirt underneath a casual blazer. It wasn’t something just anyone could pull off, but Magnus made it look like he was about to walk down a runway. Alec watched him carefully, as Magnus ran his hand through his hair to settle it a bit. Eventually he gave up on the hair, and if anything that made Alec worry the most. Magnus always cared about his appearance, and especially his hair.   
“You know what, I’ll cancel. I’ll go with you,” Alec decided.   
“Why?” Magnus looked at him with dead eyes, and it nearly broke Alec’s heart all over again. What should he say to explain it? He couldn’t say the words; he couldn’t actually let Magnus know that Alec didn’t want him to be alone when his mother died.   
“I just feel like… you’re not…” Alec sighed, when he couldn’t explain it. Magnus seemed to understand though.  
“Where are you going?” he asked.   
“Tessa has the songs ready,” Alec said.   
“Can I come?”  
“Of course,” Alec replied with relief. Out of all of his friends he wanted Magnus to come the most. “But you don’t have to if you don’t feel like it. I told Jace he could come with me.”   
“We’ll all go,” Magnus said and walked over to Alec. He put his hands up on either side of Alec’s face, staring into his eyes. He leaned in and kissed him softly. “Are you ready to go?”  
Alec looked down at the clothes from last night.   
“Yeah. I’m ready.”  
…  
Tessa was wearing a long earth colored dress that nearly reached the floor. She looked like a dream. Will was at the studio as well, and he seemed happy to see Jace and Magnus again. Alec made it his mission to keep an eye on Magnus. He didn’t want him to suddenly have a silent breakdown, while they were there.   
When Tessa started singing, everyone fell quiet. It was like the earth stopped moving. Magnus took Alec’s hand at some point, and Alec noticed he had silent tears running down his cheeks. Alec straightened up and turned his attention towards Magnus, but Magnus just gave him a small smile and turned his head back towards Tessa. He was only crying because of her beautiful voice. No one said a word until she’d gone through four songs. She’d silenced four grown men with her angelic appearance and voice, and… Alec’s lyrics. When it became apparent that she was done singing, Jace got to his feet and gave her a standing applause.   
“That was just perfect,” he said.   
“Perfect doesn’t even begin to cover it,” Will smirked, and winked at his fiancée. He’d probably heard the songs a few times already.   
“They’re all yours,” Alec said, and Tessa gave him a grateful hug.   
“Thank you.”   
“No matter how much I enjoy your company, sweet Tessa, I think I’ll have to go now,” Magnus said and kissed Tessa’s hand.   
“I’ll come with you,” Alec said, placing his hand on Magnus’ lower back.  
“You don’t have to,” Magnus whispered.  
“I want to,” he smiled and brushed Magnus’ back. Then he noticed the three others were watching them with odd expressions, and he cleared his throat. “I’ll talk to you guys later,” he added, before leaving with Magnus.   
“She’s really perfect, Magnus. I thought I would have to insist on you and Clary, but she nailed it,” Alec said, while they were walking across the city.   
“Not a lot of people are one of a kind, but Tessa is,” he replied.   
“So are you,” Alec squeezed his hand.  
“Yeah, that’s why I’m stuck teaching,” Magnus retorted. Alec stopped walking for a minute.  
“You don’t think teaching is important?”   
“I know it’s important, I just don’t think someone as special as Tessa would be better off teaching, is what I’m saying,” he shrugged.   
“So you don’t think you’re special? You never wanted to teach?” Alec frowned.  
“You don’t start playing the piano professionally, because you want to teach,” Magnus rolled his eyes.   
“Then you should take my offer,” Alec replied.  
“What offer?”  
“You and Clary with my songs,” he explained.   
“You’re not serious.”  
“Of course I’m serious!”  
“You just sold your songs to Tessa?” Magnus noted.  
“I’ll make new songs. I’m not a one trick pony, Magnus.” For some reason that response made Magnus laugh out loud.   
“No, you’re definitely not,” he chuckled. Alec continued to look at him expectantly. “I’ll consider it.”   
“Good,” Alec replied triumphantly.   
…  
They had just entered the hospice, when Magnus’ phone rang in his pocket. He looked at it for only a second, then frowned and looked at Alec.  
“It’s the hospice?” he wondered. “Hello?” he answered. All color seemed to drain from his face. “I, I, I’m here now.” He dropped the phone from his ear and ran down the hall to where his mother’s room were. Alec couldn’t keep up, and he didn’t make it all the way up to Magnus, before he dropped to the floor outside of the open door. Alec fell down next to him, without having to look inside, he already knew what was wrong. Magnus heaved for air and clutched his chest, while Alec tried to pull him close to him. Alec didn’t have time to think about how to comfort Magnus, he just went by instinct, holding the shaking body in his arms. His veins filled with ice, when he looked up into the room and noticed Mrs. Bane’s lifeless body on her bed, nurses leaving the room. He’d only ever known her in that bed, and he wished that he’d known her as a healthy person.   
The loud sob escaping from Magnus cut deep into Alec’s soul, and he could no longer keep his own tears under control. A nurse approached them and kneeled next to them with a kind expression.  
“Would you like to have a moment with her?” she asked softly. Alec nodded, when Magnus didn’t respond.   
“Come on,” Alec whispered, and lifted Magnus to his feet. Magnus walked the last few steps to his mother’s bed and took her hand.   
“She’s still warm,” Magnus’ voice was barely a whisper. Alec didn’t think anything he could say would make it better for Magnus, so he just brushed his hair and wrapped his arm around him. They stayed with Mrs. Bane for a long moment, until the nurses finally thought it was time for them to take the body away. After that they stayed at the hospice, until Magnus was ready to go home. Alec almost had to carry him from the cab and into the apartment. He never thought he would see a grown man look so miserable. He placed Magnus on the couch, and kept standing up himself because he didn’t know if he should get him anything, or even how to ask if he needed anything.   
“Alec?” Magnus looked up at him, and Alec felt the stab in his chest from Magnus’ sad eyes. He kneeled in front of him.   
“What do you need?”   
“Will you stay here?” Magnus held his breath.   
“For as long as you need,” he replied and leaned up to kiss his forehead. He pulled Alec down on the couch and placed Alec’s arms around himself.   
“Thank you,” he whispered against Alec’s shoulder.   
Magnus felt extraordinarily warm, and Alec worried he might have a fever, so he pulled the blanket up around him. They sat like that for the rest of the day. At some point Alec thought they should probably get something to eat, but that’s when he realized Magnus was almost falling asleep, so he stopped moving and leaned back on the couch. “I love you,” Magnus mumbled, barely conscious. Alec wasn’t sure he was talking to him or if he was thinking about his mother, so he just replied with a kiss on top of the man’s head.   
…  
Magnus’ grief was impossible to describe, so Alec wouldn’t even try. Instead he wrote the kind of grief he felt from watching a person he cared so deeply about feel the loss of a parent too early. The kind of empathic grief some people would get, when they looked at a person in mourning. Alec had that kind of empathy, when he was around Magnus. He’d never had it before. It became an incredibly sorrowful song and Alec had no intention of ever showing anyone the song, so he tugged his notebook back into his bag after he’d written it.   
After three days, Alec had to insist Magnus took a shower. He had barely eaten anything, and he’d barely left his bed, when he had it was only to move to the couch instead. Alec followed him into the bathroom and Magnus turned to look at him with a frown.   
“What?”  
“I can shower on my own,” Magnus rolled his eyes.   
“Oh, right. I don’t know why I thought…” Alec felt his cheeks flush. He hadn’t meant anything by it, but up until this moment he had done everything for Magnus for the past few days. But he left the bathroom without any further comment. Only after twenty minutes, Magnus called for him. Alec opened the door, but didn’t look inside. “What is it?”  
“I forgot a towel. They’re in the drawer under the bed,” Magnus said. Alec went to get him a towel. When he came into the bathroom again, he noticed Magnus’ red eyes – he’d been crying in the shower. Alec held up the towel for Magnus to step into, making sure he didn’t get a look at anything other than Magnus’ face. Although, Alec’s eyes on his seemed to make him even more uncomfortable. Magnus hadn’t cried for the last twenty-four hours, and Alec had thought it was getting better. “You’re alone with your thoughts whenever you’re in the shower,” Magnus shrugged.   
“I get it,” Alec smiled softly. Magnus started drying himself, and Alec turned around to give him some privacy.   
“I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. Did I thank you yet?”  
“A couple of times. It’s really no big deal. I would want someone to do the same for me,” Alec replied. Magnus didn’t say anything else, but stepped up behind him and wrapped his arms around Alec’s chest. Alec froze, as he could feel Magnus’ naked body against his own clothed body.   
“I love you,” he whispered behind Alec’s ear.  
“You don’t mean that. You’re confusing gratefulness with love,” Alec wiggled out of Magnus’ arms. He accidentally turned around and saw all of Magnus’ glorious nakedness. He quickly looked away again.   
“No I don’t,” Magnus said.   
“You’re not sure. I want you to be sure,” Alec continued. Magnus stepped closer again, took Alec’s hand and led it to his crotch. Alec gasped with surprise at the other man’s behavior. “What are you doing?!” he exclaimed.   
“I want you,” Magnus said, as if it had been obvious.   
“You’re mourning, it’s not right, Magnus,” Alec said in a low voice, because he also didn’t want to hurt Magnus’ feelings any further. He finally let go of Alec’s hand and covered himself up with the towel.   
“So that’s not why you’ve been sticking around for so long? You don’t want me anymore?” Magnus looked hurt anyway.   
“Of course I want you! But I want you when you’re ready, not because you feel like you owe it to me. I’ve watched you cry your eyes out for the past three days, your eyes are still puffy, you can’t possibly want… that, right now?” Alec said. Magnus walked past him and out into the hall.  
“Don’t tell me what I want and don’t want,” he mumbled on his way to the bedroom. Alec followed him, because this conversation wasn’t over.   
“Then tell me why?”   
“Why what?” Magnus pulled on a pair of slacks.  
“Why now?”   
“Because I just want to do something that’ll make me forget,” Magnus sighed.   
“That’s not the right way,” Alec shook his head. Just like Magnus didn’t want to be his experiment, he didn’t want to be Magnus’ distraction. Although, he had another idea. “Do you feel like going outside?”  
“No?” Magnus retorted, as if that had been obvious.   
“Prince marathon?” Alec suggested then. You didn’t need to know a lot about Magnus to realize that his fashion icon had to be Prince. It would honestly shock him if he’d been wrong in that assumption. Magnus’ face lit up a little.   
“Movie marathon or are you suggesting you play his entire collection on my piano?” Magnus challenged.  
“While the last part does sound tempting, I meant movies,” Alec smiled. He would have suggested they play a game or something, when Magnus didn’t want to leave the apartment, but he knew that wouldn’t get his mind off things. But a good movie might.  
“I haven’t seen those movies since the nineties,” Magnus smiled shortly. “I’ll watch one of them, but then you’ll have to come up with something more interesting if it doesn’t work,” he continued to challenge him. Alec smirked.   
“Graffiti Bridge?” he asked.  
“Obviously,” Magnus retorted.   
Graffiti Bridge was by far Alec’s favorite, mostly because Prince was extremely sexy in that one for some reason. It was probably the hair. Alec made sure they had lots of snacks, because he knew from his sister that whenever you were heartbroken and had no appetite, snacks were the answer. It did seem to help a bit, and Magnus ate a small amount of snacks, before cuddling up against him. Cuddling was alright, Alec decided. In fact, cuddling was required. He witnessed an entirely different kind of tenderness in Magnus that night, while watching the movie. His small gestures weren’t forced or even seemed to be calculated; Magnus simply traced patterns on Alec’s skin absentmindedly or leaned his head on Alec’s shoulder to relax. Alec could get used to the feeling this was giving him. He knew he felt protective of Magnus, but he wasn’t sure how to describe the feeling he got from having him this close and comforting him just by being there. It seemed to change something inside of him.   
“I love you too,” he whispered, when the movie neared an end. Magnus straightened up and looked up at him with hurt eyes. “I’m sorry, it was dumb of me…” Alec didn’t get to make much of an apology, before Magnus pressed his lips against Alec’s. Alec froze with shock. He’d just blurted out the words, he hadn’t expected Magnus to respond like this. But when Magnus broke off the quick kiss, Alec also couldn’t help but quickly press his lips against Magnus’ again, and this time with such force that Magnus fell back on the couch with Alec on top of him. Alec’s legs tangled with Magnus’, he pressed his body against the other man and instinctively rubbing himself against Magnus, until he felt the friction of his own and Magnus’ arousal. Alec leaned back instantly at that, because it felt so amazing, so nerve-wracking and so terrifying all at once. He wanted Magnus so badly, but he had no idea what to do with those desires and his inexperience.   
“What’s wrong?” Magnus wondered.   
“This is exactly what shouldn’t be happening,” Alec ran his hand through his ruffled hair.   
“Oh, right. Well, that was before you told me you loved me?” Magnus tried. Alec tried to hide his amusement.   
“Maybe we should call it a night, you look tired?”  
“I’m not tired,” Magnus assured him.   
“Well I’m tired,” he looked down at his own hands. His nerves were getting the better of him, and he wasn’t sure he was ready for more than mild make-out sessions just yet. Chills went through his body, when he noticed Magnus’ disappointed expression. “I’m sorry.” Magnus sat up, leaned closer to him, and took his hand.  
“Is it because you’re not ready yet?” Magnus asked softly. Alec felt so embarrassed, he’d been pushing Magnus for so long now, but he’d never thought about what he’d do when he finally had the chance to actually be with Magnus.   
“I want you, I do,” Alec assured him.   
“It’s not the same thing,” Magnus answered. Alec had never felt anyone understand him as much as Magnus did. “It’s fine. What we’re doing now is distraction enough for me. I’m so grateful that you’re here right now. But…” Magnus hesitated and Alec felt his head spinning with all the worry of what might come after “but”.   
“If you want to be alone I totally understand,” Alec looked down at his hands again. He wasn’t actually all that tired.  
“I was trying to find a nice way to ask you if you wanted to continue making out on the couch? We don’t have to remove any clothes. I know this is all new to you,” Magnus said, and Alec felt relieved that Magnus understood that despite Alec being so straightforward in the beginning, he’d hit a bump and didn’t know how to go through with it just yet. Alec gave him a smile, and pushed Magnus back down on the couch, and started kissing him softly, until softly became passionately and they were rolling around on the couch making out. Alec could still feel Magnus’ heart racing in his chest, and it gave him some confidence, but not enough to move any further just yet.


	7. Funeral

Fortunately, Mrs. Bane had been aware that Magnus would have no ability to plan a funeral after her passing away, and she’d made most arrangements beforehand. Magnus did a good job at pretending to be okay, after only a week had passed. Alec, however, had almost lived with him in his apartment, and he knew that Magnus was far from okay. Instead of confronting Magnus about his feelings, he continued to turn his own frustration inward and put his thoughts into songs, which he kept to himself. Perhaps someday he would be ready to share them, but now wasn’t the time for Magnus to hear what it really felt like to witness someone go through mourning and not being able to do something about it. Magnus had only ever had his mother, and now he had no one left.   
Alec had taken a long shower, since he needed to get back to his studies for a few days, before the funeral. It was really true, how whenever you were upset, the shower was a horrible place to be alone with your thoughts, and Alec had remembered that maybe they should have notified a few of Mrs. Bane’s friends and family.  
“Did you let people know what time to show up tomor…?” Alec stopped himself, when he entered the living room and found Magnus reading his notebook full of sad songs. Magnus ignored his presence. “Magnus?”   
“When did you write these?” Magnus looked up, he had tears in his eyes. Alec crossed his arms over his chest as a way of covering up his sense of awkwardness.  
“Mostly when you were sleeping,” he shrugged. “I never intended for anyone to see them,” he added quickly, because he wanted that much to be clear.  
“Why not?”   
“They’re hurting you,” Alec stepped closer. Maybe he could take the notebook back, before he could read any more.   
“No, they’re helping me. You’re helping me. You should play one at the funeral,” Magnus replied.  
“What? It’ll just make everyone uncomfortable and even more sad,” Alec shook his head.  
“Who?”   
“The guests? Didn’t you invite anyone?”  
“There’s only me and my mom,” Magnus said.   
“She must have had friends? Colleagues?”   
“She was self-employed. She had a small shop, selling gear and instruments, remember?” Magnus said.   
“Oh, right.”  
“Besides, my friends aren’t to be counted on. They’re always too busy to stop by,” Magnus looked down at the notebook in his hands. “I think this one would be very good for her funeral,” he held up the page for Alec to look at. It was the song he’d written, while thinking of how she might have been before her illness took over. Alec really didn’t feel like singing a song at a funeral, even if they were the only ones present. “Please?”   
“Magnus…” Alec hesitated. He also really didn’t feel like saying no to Magnus. The man got to his feet and moved to stand in front of Alec, he leaned in and kissed his neck. His warm breath against the sensitive skin on his neck made his knees weak. “Magnus, you know it’s impossible for me to say no to you, right?”   
Apparently that was the wrong thing to say, because Magnus took a few steps away from him.   
“What do you mean?”  
“That you’re irresistible?” Alec tried. Magnus frowned.   
“Alec, you should be able to say no if I’m crossing any lines,” he sighed.  
“Oh, well making me sing that song at a funeral would be crossing my lines,” Alec shrugged apologetically.   
“Okay,” Magnus said, but he seemed to be less than okay with that answer. Alec sighed, because he also didn’t have time for an argument right now. He had practice with the band and then schoolwork afterwards.   
“I really have to go, Magnus,” he said and leaned in to kiss Magnus quickly, before leaving.   
…  
“You look like shit. You and Magnus should go outside once in a while, see the sun,” Izzy grimaced, when she saw her brother enter the practice room.   
“Thanks, Izzy,” Alec replied flatly.   
“Uh-oh, what’s up?”   
“The funeral is in two days,” he shrugged, and went to sit by the drums. He’d missed the drums, while he’d been with Magnus most of his time the past week. His short response quieted the others for a while, and they started practice. Alec felt really stressed out about the band having a gig on the night after the funeral. For some reason it felt wrong, but normal people had to move on with their lives. People usually went to work right after funerals, there was nothing unusual about it. Alec just worried about Magnus, because he appeared to have lost everything he had.   
Jace and Clary were flirting during the songs, but it mostly worked well with the lyrics, so Alec didn’t complain. Maybe he was too emotionally tired to complain about it. Unfortunately, Clary might have noticed how tired he was, because she came up to him afterwards.   
“Is everything okay?” she asked sweetly. Alec swallowed hard, before he decided to give her a real answer. Clary always expected a real answer.   
“Magnus doesn’t think anyone will show up for the funeral. You should have seen him. He wanted me to sing one of the songs I’ve written about the past week, but I don’t think I can do it. I didn’t even want him to see the song,” Alec ranted.   
“Oh boy. Well, guests we can definitely do something about, I’ll ask my mom if she knew anyone who knew Mrs. Bane. Do you want me to sing the song with you?” Clary asked.   
“Would you?” Alec felt a huge relief.   
“Of course,” she smiled and gave him a hug. Once he felt his friend’s arms around him, he felt how much he’d needed someone to just hold him for a moment, like he’d done for Magnus so much the past week. He held on to Clary for a short moment, before releasing her. She gave him a compassionate look after that. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’ve been with Magnus for days now, maybe you need someone else to talk to?” This girl continued to grow on him, and he couldn’t resist her offer, so they went for a cup of coffee, before his evening class began. He hadn’t realized how much he’d needed to get off his chest. And it wasn’t something he could talk to Izzy about, or even Jace. It was something he’d always felt more comfortable talking to Aline about, but Aline wasn’t available at the moment, and Clary was beginning to be one hell of a stand in.   
“I got scared, when he finally offered himself to me,” Alec began.   
“You didn’t want to take advantage of him?” she wondered.  
“No, more like the other way around. It seemed like he just wanted a distraction, although I know now that’s not what he’s doing with me. It just seems like the wrong time right now.”  
“People mourn differently, maybe he just needed to feel loved?” Clary offered.   
“Yeah, I know. But then there is the fact that… ehm, I haven’t…” Alec took a deep breath and looked down at his coffee.   
“Been with a guy before?” she helped him.   
“Right. And how do you know? Like how do you know which one does what?” This was beyond humiliating to talk about, but he just needed someone to help him understand what to do in these sort of scenarios.   
“I’m not really an expert on gay sex. I even fell asleep during Brokeback Mountain,” she shrugged apologetically.  
“But you watched The L Word?”  
“That’s about lesbians, I don’t think it’s the same, they just take turns doing the same to each other. Anyway, I don’t think TV is ever the same as reality. People probably just go along with what seems natural. You’ll probably be making out before, so just read the signals during foreplay, what does Magnus seem to want. Or you know, you could ask him about it, while you’re making out,” Clary suggested.   
“You’re right. I’m thinking too much. And then I worried it was his way of forgetting the loss, and I didn’t want to be just that,” Alec said. Hearing Clary’s suggestions now, made him think of a few hints Magnus might have given him, while they’d made out on the couch every night. How he’d pulled Alec down on him, and wrapped his legs up around Alec’s waist or around his legs.   
“It’s perfectly natural to worry about these things. You shouldn’t get so worked up about it though, I mean, Magnus is really hot and all, but so are you, in case you didn’t know,” Clary shrugged. Alec frowned at her.  
“Thanks. I think,” he said.  
“That’s what friends are for,” she replied.   
Alec made Clary a copy of the song Magnus requested and she promised to practice it before the funeral. In the meantime, Alec had a few classes he needed to catch up on. To be honest, he hadn’t cared much for school lately, and now that he’d sold some of his songs to Tessa Gray, he wasn’t even sure he would need an education. Tessa was huge, and if the songs were a hit and word got around that he’d written her songs, he probably wouldn’t need an education anyway. He felt pretty confident about it, but of course all writers needed back up, in case of writer’s block. And so he continued his studies for a few more days for now.   
…  
Clary had kept her word. At least fifteen people showed up to the funeral, including Clary’s mom, who looked just like her, a couple of odd looking friends of Magnus’, whom he seemed happy to see for some reason.   
“Thanks for coming,” Magnus gave a bubblegum blue-haired girl a hug and greeted a green-suited man. “Alec, these are some of my old friends, Catarina and Ragnor.”  
“Nice to meet you,” Alec said. Although, he didn’t understand why they would show up, when they probably hadn’t even called within the past week. He let his doubt win, and decided they might not have known about Magnus’ mother. Magnus was a very private person after all.   
All of Alec’s friends were there, which Magnus seemed to appreciate. Even Tessa and Will stopped by for the ceremony.   
When time came, Alec had arranged for him and Clary to perform the song of Magnus’ request as a surprise. It touched Magnus to tears, and he could no longer stop himself from crying.   
Everything went beautifully, and by the end of the day, Magnus insisted on going to the concert in the evening.  
“You really don’t have to come, I’ll come straight to your apartment afterwards,” Alec had assured him.  
“I really don’t want to be alone,” Magnus had replied, and had leaned closer to Alec in a manner that made it impossible for Alec to convince the man otherwise, because the truth was that he too wanted to be able to look at Magnus as much as possible.   
…  
The place was crowded; it was probably one of their bigger gigs. Alec was nervous for some reason, but when he looked down at the crowd and spotted Magnus by the corner by the stage, he relaxed a bit.   
Clary came over to him, once he’d settled by his drums and they were just about to start.   
“Let’s end the whole thing with the song from the funeral? We’ll dedicate it to Mrs. Bane,” Clary whispered so only the band could hear her suggestion. Alec wasn’t sure, but the others convinced him it was a great idea.   
“Okay,” he agreed at last.   
The show went on and Clary and Simon were amazing as usual. They really were quite the duo, whenever they sang together. Jace was rocking it, and Izzy was just flowing with the music, while Alec felt every rhythm in his bones.   
“We would like to dedicate the last song to a woman, who raised one of our most talented teachers. We went to her funeral today, it was a beautiful ceremony, and we performed this song to commemorate the love that will live on in two of my favorite people,” Clary said as they neared the end of the concert. Alec looked down at Magnus to see if he was still with them – he was still staring at them, maybe with more attention now than before.   
They performed the song, and it was almost like a completely different version, now that they had drums and bass to add to the volume of the entire song. Once they were done performing, Alec couldn’t spot Magnus in the crowd anymore, so he hurried off stage just to find him right there in the back; waiting. Magnus pulled Alec to him by his sweater and kissed him wholeheartedly. Alec didn’t even notice the others walking past them as they got off the stage one by one.  
“Thank you,” Magnus whispered.   
…  
“That was a great show tonight. Gosh, I’ll never get tired of looking at you rocking at your drums,” Magnus said and closed the door behind them, when they arrived back at his apartment. Alec had had two beers during the show, but he wasn’t tipsy. He felt something else entirely, so he softly grabbed Magnus’ hand and the other man turned to look at him.  
“Are you alright?” Alec asked. It had been a long day, with the funeral and the concert, but after his talk with Clary the other day, he felt ready. Still, he didn’t want to overstep some sort of boundary.   
“Yeah, why are you asking?”   
Alec pulled him closer and kissed him softly. It didn’t take Magnus long to catch on to Alec’s mood, and he pushed their jackets off and leaned into the kiss. After a minute, Magnus took both of Alec’s hands and pulled him into the living room and down on the couch. Alec almost fell on top of him, and had to break off the kiss for a moment. He looked down into the golden eyes beneath him, and brushed Magnus’ cheek, before he crashed his lips against Magnus’ with wild impulse. Something might have sparked inside him, when he looked at Magnus, and it gave him a sort of hunger. As he kissed Magnus, it seemed he couldn’t get enough, and Magnus’ small gestures, like his legs wrapped around Alec’s waist, or his hands softly brushing over Alec’s biceps to calm him down, making him realize that he was actually mildly shaking.   
“Alec,” Magnus murmured against his lips, and it gave Alec the confidence to arch his back and tip his hips so his crotch pressed against Magnus’, earning a frantic gasp from the other man. Alec continued to circle his hips, rubbing against Magnus, creating almost an unbearable sensation. Before long they were panting into each other’s mouths, and Magnus pushed Alec up slightly to breathe. “If this isn’t going any further, I think we should stop now,” he breathed. Alec didn’t reply, but he sat up and removed his sweater, so that he was now shirtless on top of Magnus. When Magnus just stared at him, Alec helped him out of his shirt. Alec had been careful not to reveal too much of his physique to Magnus during the time he’d been staying with him. He’d always slept with a shirt on, and now Magnus was staring at his upper body like he’d never seen anything like it, and it made Alec blush from the attention. Magnus ran his warm hands over Alec’s chest, and let his hand linger by the hem of his pants. He hadn’t gone with Jace to the gym for quite some time, but it didn’t seem to make much difference to Magnus. Alec looked down at Magnus’ hand; his pants did not hide his excitement at the moment. Magnus sat up in front of him.   
“If you don’t feel like it today, I totally understand,” Alec said. Magnus placed both of his hands on each side of Alec’s waist.   
“Are you kidding? I haven’t felt this much in weeks,” Magnus replied. “But I think my bed is more comfortable.” Alec replied with a smirk, and dragged Magnus with him to the bedroom, pushing the older man down on the bed. Alec didn’t know where these instincts came from, but he suddenly didn’t feel nervous anymore. It was almost as if one look of awe from Magnus made him a whole new person. Alec started running his lips down Magnus’ lean upper body, and down to his pants. When he hesitated, Magnus moved to take them off. Alec kicked off his own pants and fell down on top of Magnus again. He continued to rub against Magnus, while kissing him heavily, making him spread his legs around him again. He started kissing Magnus’ jaw, all the way up to his ear.  
“Magnus, I don’t know what to do. Tell me what to do,” he whispered into his ear. It seemed to be the right thing to ask, because Magnus lifted his legs even further up Alec’s sides, and pushed upward.   
“Do you want to fuck me, or do you want me to fuck you?” Magnus asked carefully. Alec caught Magnus’ eyes to see if that’s all it was – a fuck.   
“I want to make love to you,” he whispered back. Magnus let go a sigh of surprise, and a small smile, before giving Alec a nod.   
“Good. You need to prepare me then,” Magnus replied.  
“What?”   
“There’s lube and condoms in the drawer. Use your fingers,” Magnus explained. Alec reached for the drawer, and grabbed the tube. Then he removed Magnus’ boxer briefs, momentarily staring at Magnus’ length and deciding it was probably a good decision for him to do Magnus this first time, and not the other way around. Magnus reached up and ran his thumb over Alec’s chin. “Are you alright?”   
“Yeah, I’m fine,” he smiled down at Magnus and gave him a nervous kiss. He popped open the lid of the tube, but Magnus stopped him, he took the lube and put it aside, before turning over Alec. For a second, Alec felt his heart jump in his chest. Magnus pulled Alec’s boxers off, and Alec felt squirmy underneath him, not knowing what he was up to with his sudden change of position. But then Magnus went down on him, and took him into his mouth. Alec moaned as a response to the pleasure the warmth of Magnus’ mouth was giving him. Just as Alec felt an orgasm start to build, Magnus let go of him.   
“What…?” Alec looked down, but Magnus was already at his mouth, kissing him passionately.   
“I want to feel you,” Magnus whispered. It took Alec a moment to compose himself, but then he turned Magnus over. The other man wrapped his legs around Alec’s waist once again, giving him ready access. Alec did what Magnus told him to do to get ready, before he pressed inside him. It was a bitter sweet feeling that hit Alec’s groin, a sense of pleasure and pain as Magnus tightened around him. Magnus arched his back as a response, and Alec went deeper, Magnus groaned and whimpered and the small sounds coming from Magnus quickly sent Alec over the edge. He felt like such a boy, for not being able to continue any longer than that. Magnus was only just getting comfortable underneath him. But the man underneath him was so gorgeously breathtaking and it suddenly felt like a curse. “Alec, it’s fine,” Magnus trying to make him calm down only made him aware of the fact that he was slightly panicking from the embarrassment.   
“No, it’s not fine. Just give me a minute.”  
“Alec,” Magnus pushed him off him and rolled over on top of him. He looked down at Alec with the most tender eyes anyone had ever given him. “Thank you.”  
“For what? I didn’t even get you off?”   
“For showing me I still got it,” Magnus smirked. Alec sulked, and it made Magnus drop his expression. “No, dumbass, for everything you’ve done for me the past few weeks. You’re an amazing person, Alexander Lightwood.”  
“It’s your own fault you know. You shouldn’t have blown me before. I was already about to come,” Alec looked away from Magnus’ piercing eyes.   
“It’s completely my fault,” Magnus agreed, but Alec sensed the humor in his tone and he didn’t like it. So he pushed Magnus over and they switched positions again.   
“Keep talking, while I get you off,” Alec said and went down, before Magnus could reply with anything other than a loud moan filled with surprise at Alec’s assertiveness. Alec had never given a blowjob before, but he knew what he liked and so he only did to Magnus what he had liked Magnus doing to him. He mirrored what he remembered from a moment ago, and not before long, Magnus was gripping the sheets and moaning for Alec not to stop. As all of Magnus’ glory hit the back of Alec’s throat, he felt that he was surprised with himself for even liking it as much as he did. The man twisting under him made the entire scenario all the more erotic and hot, and Alec thought up all the words he would use to describe all of Magnus’ feline grace – seductive, sexy, passionate, riveting – and he felt Magnus down his throat, tasted Magnus and he thought to himself, ‘I can get used to this’. He looked up at the older man with what was probably quite a grin, because satisfying another man was unbelievably stimulating. And not just stimulating in a sexually arousing manner, no, stimulating to the core of his soul.   
Magnus was breathing hard with closed eyes, when Alec lay down next to him on his side facing the older man.   
“That was even hotter than coming inside of you,” Alec whispered, and it made Magnus peek at him sideways with a skeptic expression. He knew he could have come up with better words for it, if only he’d been writing them down on a piece of music sheet, but in front of Magnus his vocabulary always seemed to drop.   
“You’re out of your mind, kid,” Magnus closed his eyes again, but with a huge grin on his face.   
“Tell me something I don’t know,” Alec replied and leaned back to look at the dark ceiling of Magnus’ bedroom. He loved the dark color of the ceiling. It was like it was always night in here. He wondered if maybe next time, he would let Magnus fuck him instead, and then maybe he would last longer. He hoped he would, because no matter what he did – wrote songs, played a gig, put out – he would always want to do his best, because of Magnus.


	8. Better Days

Alec couldn’t feel the tips of his fingers anymore, but that didn’t stop him from continuing to write. He’d been composing all weekend, writing lyrics and music and going back every time he’d written three songs, to look at the first one and revise it. Or at least he thought it had been a weekend, until Clary and Izzy came into his dorm room to interrupt him. He looked around at his room, realizing he had pieces of paper covering the entire floor. He quickly jumped off the bed and tried to collect all the papers, before they could step on any of them. He’d probably written an entire album in three days.  
“What the…?” Izzy stopped herself as she slowly walked into the room, staring at her brother. Alec suddenly felt slightly insane. He’d been living like a caveman for the past few days. He probably hadn’t even seen the sun. On his desk, he had stacks of pizza boxes and coffee mugs. Clary wrinkled her nose, and he thought to himself that if her sensitive nostrils couldn’t handle the smell of his room, she would probably have some difficulty dating Jace, who never opened a window in his room. Window – Alec walked over and opened the window, because he wasn’t sure he’d opened it while being locked up.   
“When was the last time you showered?” Clary held her hand up before her nose.  
“Friday,” Alec retorted.   
“It’s Thursday,” Izzy frowned.  
“No, that can’t be right?” Alec looked at his computer – how had he missed three entire days? It suddenly made sense. Of course he hadn’t composed an entire album in three days. He’d composed an entire album in a week. It was probably because he’d only lain down three times to go to sleep in the past week, and so he’d thought it was still weekend.  
“Did you change your major to composer?” Clary asked.  
“I’ve applied for it, yes,” Alec said and ran his hand through his hair, which was a big mistake, because now he was very much aware of the fact that he hadn’t showered for almost a week. “I should probably go shower,” he said.  
“Good idea,” the girls agreed.   
…  
He’d been so caught up in his own tiny world for a while that it felt like a sort of release to stand under the warm spray of water. He took his time, until he remembered he hadn’t talked to Magnus since the weekend either. Why hadn’t the man called him?   
Izzy and Clary sat on his bed, when he entered his room again. They looked like they were about to have an intervention, but he honestly didn’t feel like hearing any of it, especially when he wasn’t even dressed.   
“Do you mind?” he asked.  
“Go ahead, it’s not like we care anyway,” Izzy shrugged.  
“I care,” he replied.  
“Don’t be silly,” his sister rolled her eyes. He quickly dressed himself, and they waited patiently for him to be ready for whatever they had to say.   
“What?” he wondered.  
“These songs are…” Izzy began.  
“Really sexy,” Clary grinned, and Izzy scowled at her. “What? They are!”   
“Thanks. I think?”   
“What happen…” Izzy began.  
“I think you know what’s happened,” Alec frowned.   
“Do you want to talk?” Izzy asked sweetly. Now Clary was frowning, probably thinking the same as Alec – just how insane a question that was for your brother.  
“You see those pieces of paper? Obviously you do, you’ve already read them. Those are my talk.”  
“Well, I mean…” Izzy hesitated.  
“I gotta bounce.” Alec grabbed his jacket. He did not want to have this sort of conversation with his sister. Supposedly, he should have had that talk with his father, and if he had to choose between the two he would definitely choose his sister, but that didn’t mean he needed the talk. He’d had internet while growing up.   
“Off to see the boo?” Clary asked with a sweet smile.  
“Don’t call him that,” Alec shook his head and rushed the girls outside, because he didn’t want them to get all over his new songs and ruin the high he was getting off the writing process he’d just gone through.   
“You’ve missed practice twice this week?” Izzy said, while Alec was locking his door.  
“So?”  
“We need our drummer.”  
“Maybe you should get a new drummer, I’m busy,” Alec said and both girls inhaled sharply in shock. “Come on, it’s not that big of a surprise. I’ve found my calling. You should have seen that coming.”   
“But we like our drummer,” Izzy complained. “Have you ever heard of a famous songwriter? No. You’ve only ever heard of famous drummers.”   
“So? I’m not doing it for the fame?” Alec thought that had been quite evident, because, well she was his sister, and she should know at least that about him.   
“If you weren’t a famous drummer on campus, you never would have met Magnus,” she tried.  
“Right, and now Magnus is the reason for everything inspirational and fantastic in my life,” he shrugged. He wasn’t going to let her get him down. Izzy always did this. She didn’t like it if things didn’t go her way. Izzy liked to have control over everything and especially over him, and for the first time she didn’t get a say in something he did with his life.   
“That’s great, Alec,” Clary said, earning yet another scowl from Izzy. “What? We can find a new drummer?”   
“See?” Alec said brightly.   
“What have you done to my moody older brother?” Izzy demanded, and Alec just rolled his eyes at her.   
“Like I said, I need to go. I haven’t heard from Magnus all week,” he said.   
“You had sex, and you haven’t heard from him since? Oh boy,” Izzy sighed.   
“What? What does that mean?” Maybe Alec had forgotten to look at his phone once in a while, but he knew he had no missed calls.   
“It could mean nothing,” his sister shrugged, obviously not agreeing with her own words.   
“You think I was terrible? That’s what you’re saying?” Alec asked, feeling anger rise inside of him. And then he felt the embarrassment, thinking back on his first time with Magnus; he hadn’t been able to last very long.   
“No, I’m sure it’s nothing,” Izzy said.   
“Could you two just stop following me? Clary?” he stopped his pace and waited for them to leave him alone.  
“Sorry,” Clary said with a soft smile, telling him that none of this had probably been her plan.   
“Alright. Let’s go find a new drummer,” Izzy took Clary by the wrist and they walked the other way. Alec exhaled with relief, and walked towards Magnus’ apartment. He felt more and more nervous as he neared the familiar flat. Magnus didn’t live far away; he could have stopped by Alec’s room to see how he was doing. He could have at least send him a text.   
Magnus didn’t look happy, when he opened the door for Alec.   
“I’m so sorry. I got caught up in…” Alec began, but Magnus walked back into the apartment, leaving the door open for Alec to follow him. Confused, Alec went into the apartment right behind the other man. The living room was a mess. Magnus had a few empty wine and whiskey bottles standing around on the coffee table and next to the arm chair. Now that he looked back at Magnus, he noticed how dead his eyes looked and he instantly felt like the shittiest person to ever walk this planet. He’d left him only a day after his mother’s funeral, what had he been thinking? Clearly, he hadn’t been thinking at all, he’d missed a whole week! “Magnus, I’m sorry. I had no idea it’s been days.”   
“It’s alright,” Magnus replied, forcing a smile to reach the surface, but only barely. Alec sat down in front of Magnus and caught his eyes. “I didn’t want to bother you, because I know you have a process for when you write.”  
“You wouldn’t have bothered me. You’re more important than that. I didn’t think, I had no idea,” Alec was babbling now. He took a deep breath and tried to get his conscience under control.   
“Don’t apologize, Alec,” Magnus reached up to touch Alec’s cheek, but he missed him and didn’t touch much other than empty air – he was drunk.   
“Why don’t you take a shower? I’ll clean up here?” Alec suggested.  
“Why? Do I smell?”  
“No, but it will sober you up a bit,” Alec said, but regretted it when he saw the look of profound sadness. It might be because Alec hadn’t slept much the past few days, but the look in Magnus’ eyes brought tears to his own. “Okay, I’ll go with you. We’ll clean this up later?”   
“Okay,” Magnus stumbled to his feet and Alec went to prepare the bathtub for him.   
…  
“I miss her so much,” Magnus murmured, as he sank down into the bubbles. Alec sat down next to him, on a small stool.   
“I know,” Alec replied. He didn’t think he could say anything that would sound heartfelt enough, and he definitely couldn’t say anything that would make it better, and so he didn’t try to. He just let Magnus sober up under the lukewarm water. It didn’t really help Magnus being sober, because he only replaced the dead look in his eyes with tears and sobs. Alec had to put him to bed and hold him, while he cried himself to sleep. Once the older man was asleep, Alec started tidying up the living room and threw out all of the bottles. His chin kept shivering, and he tried not to break down. He wished he hadn’t gone AWOL, because being alone had clearly brought Magnus into a state of immense mourning.   
Once Alec had cleaned up the living room, he ordered some comfort food for the two of them for dinner. Magnus wasn’t really asleep, when Alec went in to wake him up. His eyes were only half-closed and he was just staring at a spot on the floor.   
“Would you like something to eat? I ordered your favorite from Taki’s,” Alec tried. Magnus’ eyes shifted and he looked up at him.  
“Sure,” the man said.   
They walked back into the living room and started eating.   
“I’ve written ten songs the past week,” Alec said in between mouthfuls of food.  
“Hmm,” Magnus tried to smile. Alec wasn’t sure he even listened to him as he talked.   
“Izzy thought I might have done something, since you haven’t called. But clearly that’s not the reason, right?”   
“Right.”   
“Maybe we should watch a movie?” Alec tried, because it didn’t feel like he was really getting through to him.  
“Sure.”  
“Or we could just watch porn?”   
“Okay,” Magnus answered, staring at his food.   
“Magnus?” Alec said. Magnus looked up at him. It felt like a ghost just walked through Alec, when he looked into Magnus empty expression.   
“What?”   
“I said, you want to watch porn?” Alec asked. Magnus frowned.  
“Why?”   
“Because you’re not listening to a word I’m saying. Maybe you should see someone?” Alec suggested.  
“You mean a shrink?”   
“Now you’re hearing me,” Alec replied. Magnus just shook his head.   
“No, I don’t want that. I just need to… I just need you,” he looked back at Alec. Relief washed over Alec. He had always liked it when people really needed him, but it was a different kind of love he felt when Magnus said those four simple words to him.   
“Okay,” Alec smiled softly.   
“I’m not really hungry,” Magnus put his food down, and leaned closer to Alec.   
“You should eat…” Alec said, but Magnus interrupted him with a heavy kiss on the lips. Alec was pushed down on the couch under Magnus.  
“I’m not hungry,” he murmured against Alec’s lips. Magnus’ hand was already under Alec’s sweater, running his hand over the bare skin.   
“I don’t think this is healthy,” Alec breathed, when Magnus traced his lips down Alec’s jawline, giving the boy time to breathe.   
“What, making out?”   
“No, using sex as a distraction. That’s how you become an addict,” Alec said, and it made Magnus pause. The man leaned back and looked down at Alec with an odd expression that he couldn’t quite interpret.   
“We have had sex once, and now you think I’m an addict?” Magnus raised his eyebrows.  
“No. I’m just saying, your timing is just a bit…” Alec sighed, because he knew he would eventually say something stupid and hurt Magnus.  
“Did I freak you out last time?” Magnus wondered.  
“No, I really liked it. Obviously.” Alec didn’t know why he was doing this to them, because there was nothing he wanted more than Magnus. He only worried that he was just distracting himself with Alec, and once he was done mourning, he didn’t need Alec anymore. “I just worry that you’re not working through your mourning, you’re just…”  
“I haven’t seen you for almost a week, Alec, please don’t do this. I’ve worked through my mourning for the past six days, I want to move past it and I want to move past it with you,” Magnus said.   
“You mean…”  
“You’re not just some toy I want to distract myself with for a while. I would be crazy to throw away what we have. I would be crazy to throw away someone who will be there for me through times like this. And I want to be able to return the favor some day, if necessary,” Magnus explained and Alec felt the warmth of Magnus’ words deep inside.   
“Thank you,” he replied.  
“For what?”  
“For telling me what I needed to hear,” he said and leaned up to kiss Magnus again. This time he didn’t hold back. Clothes fell to the floor next to them and Alec soon had Magnus hard enough to blow him. The older man breathed harder and harder, Alec brushed his fingers all over Magnus’ body feeling his lean muscles under his skin, all while concentrating hard on pleasuring him to the maximum. He wouldn’t mind if he didn’t get anything in return tonight. Just feeling the man react underneath his touch did something to Alec. So many emotions went through his own body, while Magnus arrived. He knew half of it was his own body being turned on, but it was more than just that for him. As an artist he felt the beauty of these emotions, the beauty of all of Magnus’ little noises and the beauty of the man’s body language responding to Alec. Magnus groaned loudly as he came into Alec’s mouth. Alec looked up at Magnus recovering from his orgasm, and wiped his mouth, but his smirk remained.   
“Are you sure you’ve never done that before?” Magnus asked through closed eyes, after briefly glancing down at Alec’s smug expression.   
“Pretty sure.”  
“Then babe, you’re a natural,” he chuckled. He kept his eyes shut, which Alec was grateful for, because then he couldn’t see the look of sheer happiness on his face, when Magnus called him ‘babe’. He knew then that he was no better than his friends when it came to crushes and falling in love. Alec kept studying Magnus for a while after that.   
“You should go to your bed, you’ll hurt your back if you fall asleep on the couch,” Alec said. Magnus peeked up at him.  
“You’ve slept on it several times?” he frowned.   
“I’ve hurt my back a few times,” Alec shrugged.   
“You should have said something?” Magnus looked dissatisfied with this information.   
“I didn’t mind. It’s fine now, it’s not like a permanent damage, but…”  
“But I’m old, is that it?” Magnus demanded. Alec was just about to defend himself, but noticed the amusement touch Magnus’ face – he was trying to suppress a smile. Alec chuckled.   
“So old,” Alec winked. “You know you’ve never actually told me your age?”   
Magnus narrowed his eyes at Alec, and Alec sat up on the couch. He’d never cared about Magnus’ age. Magnus had a sort of ageless look, and Alec had never worried about it, because he just figured he’d barely turned thirty. But now it seemed kind of ridiculous that he didn’t even know.   
“Does it matter?”   
“Not really,” Alec shrugged, but the curiosity was eating him up suddenly.   
“Good, it shouldn’t matter.”   
“Of course, it would be nice to know how many years I would have to live in solitude, once you’re dead of old, old age,” Alec tried to hide his curiosity with cuteness. Magnus sniggered. “What? It’s a reasonable request.”   
“You could get cancer and die many years before me,” Magnus turned his eyes away from Alec.   
“Magnus…” Alec sighed. It hadn’t been his intention to remind Magnus of loss, when he’d brought it up.   
“Don’t worry about it,” Magnus replied and got to his feet. He walked into his bedroom, and Alec followed shortly after.   
“I didn’t mean to upset you. Can I sleep in here tonight?” Alec asked politely. Magnus frowned.   
“I’ve never dated anyone who asked for permission to sleep in my bed after giving me a blowjob?”   
Alec didn’t know what to reply to that. It wasn’t as much a question as it was a statement.   
“Are you mad?” he wondered.   
“I’m not mad,” Magnus gave him a smile, but it was a tired smile. Alec climbed into bed beside Magnus. He’d just wrapped his arm around Magnus, and felt his breathing get heavy with sleep, when he spoke again. “Thirty-eight,” he said.   
“What?”   
“That’s how old I am,” Magnus said. It took Alec a moment to register the words in his mind. Magnus did not look thirty-eight. Thirty-two maybe, but not thirty-eight.   
“Are you having a laugh at me?”   
“I’m a thirty-eight-year-old orphan, whose mother died at fifty-six. She was eighteen when she had me. For as long as I remember it has always just been her and me,” Magnus said. Alec hadn’t realized when it had happened, but at some point he’d loosened his grip around Magnus. He came back to his senses, and brushed his hand over Magnus’ back. Seventeen years. Seventeen years between him and Magnus. Seventeen years was most of his life. But he shouldn’t be thinking like that. Magnus didn’t look his age. They hadn’t known each other while Alec was growing up, and Magnus was a full grown man. But not thinking about that specifically, only made him think of the life Magnus must have had before him. Magnus must have noticed the change in Alec, because he turned his head and looked back at Alec. “Are you alright?”  
“Yeah?” Alec answered quickly, not daring to hesitate and really think about his answer. Magnus turned around so his entire body was now facing Alec’s.   
“If you need to think about us… me… I get it. I wasn’t keeping my age a secret from you, I thought you knew, most of my students cyber-stalk me before going out with me, which is understandable, I guess,” Magnus explained. Alec studied him, while he was talking – he looked calm, but also nervous deep down. The first time Alec met Magnus he never thought he would see this man be so vulnerable, but within the past few weeks he’d seen the worst part of Magnus’ life, or at least the worst part he knew about, he could have a hidden life somewhere Alec didn’t know about, yet it had all been part of Alec falling even harder for Magnus. Alec edged closer to Magnus, although he was already very close.   
“What would I need to think about?” he asked innocently.   
“Well…”  
“My boyfriend is nearly forty…”  
“Don’t…” Magnus had to stifle a laugh, “don’t remind me.”  
“But my muse is ageless,” Alec smirked, and Magnus’ expression seemed to brighten.   
“Fuuck,” Magnus sighed, and looked up at his dark ceiling.   
“What? Did I say something bad?”   
“No, you’re too perfect.” Magnus turned his soft eyes to Alec, and they stared at each other for a long moment. All sorts of craziness went through Alec’s mind, as he stared back at the older man. Alec was far from perfect. He had plenty of flaws. For one, he was beginning to think maybe those enormous feelings he’d developed for Magnus was one of his flaws. He would end up getting hurt, or even worse – he would end up hurting Magnus. Alec had never felt this strongly about anyone before. He’d never wanted to spend time with someone for this long at a time before, not even his family or friends. At the thought of his family, something tore at him – it felt like something was trying to split his personality into two opposing pieces. One piece wanted to tell them all about this amazing person he’d met, who’d inspired him to do so much more than what he thought he was capable of. But then, another part dreaded the thought of the look on his family’s faces when they realized that person was a man, and not just a man, but a much older man. Eventually the pressure of Magnus’ eyes became too much for Alec, and he rolled closer and rested his head against Magnus’ shoulder, avoiding any more eye contact.   
“I’m not perfect,” he whispered.   
“Well, I can’t wait to get to know your flaws,” Magnus said and Alec felt lips against his hair.   
…  
Alec woke up by the sound of his phone calling. Magnus was sound asleep next to him, he looked so peaceful that Alec quickly picked up the call without seeing who it was first.   
“Hello?”  
“Alec!” the sweet voice of his best friend, Aline, sounded on the other end of the line. Alec slid out of the bedroom and closed the door carefully.   
“Hi Aline,” he whispered. He hadn’t heard from her in a while. He figured she’d been busy getting settled in California and spending time with her girlfriend.   
“How are you doing?” she whispered back, probably mocking his whisper a bit.   
“I’m just… I’m at Magnus’ and he’s asleep,” Alec explained.  
“Oh, right. Sorry I disturbed you. I just miss you,” she sounded happy. “How is he?”   
“He’s getting better, I hope. I nearly screwed up, Aline,” Alec sighed and sat down on the couch.   
“What did you do?”   
“I lost six days while writing songs.” Alec ran a hand through his long hair. He needed to get a haircut probably, but he liked his hair long.   
“Oh.” Aline used a tone with him he’d never heard from her before. Alec looked towards the bedroom, and decided to go outside and tell Aline everything. She was in a same sex relationship, maybe she had some advice.   
“I nearly screwed up, because we had sex and then I locked myself in my room, writing for a week,” he sighed.   
“Fuck, that’s amazing, Alec! You know, I had to hear from Izzy that you sold your songs to Tessa freaking Gray,” Aline replied.   
“I’m sorry. I should have given you a call.”   
“Yeah you should have,” he could hear the smile in her voice. “So you had sex, huh?”   
Alec chuckled, just thinking of Aline smirking on the other end of the line like a proud buddy.   
“It wasn’t my finest moment, Aline,” Alec admitted shyly.  
“It never is the first time. You’ll get better.”   
Suddenly he was telling Aline everything about the past week, how he’d left afterwards to write and thought he’d only spent the weekend, but instead it was an entire week; how he’d come back to Magnus and he was a complete mess, and how he’d found out how old Magnus was last night.   
“He must really like you,” Aline said, after listening to how Magnus had forgiven Alec so easily last night for bailing for a week without a word in a time like this.   
“What about you? And Helen?” Alec felt like he’d been talking about himself for so long, he wanted to hear about her life too.  
“You mean, did I ever bail for a week after having sex?” she asked, the amusement evident in her voice.   
“No, I… well, since you brought it up,” Alec joked.   
“We’re lesbians, we have sex on our second date and then we don’t leave bed for a week,” she replied.  
“Really?”  
“No, not really. We spend two months telling each other every single detail of our lives up until this point, and then we have mind blowing sex for a week straight,” Aline sniggered, as if it had been obvious.  
“Right, I’m sorry I asked,” Alec sniggered back. “I’m glad you’re doing great. It’s really good to hear your voice,” he added.  
“You too. I hope things will get better soon. I know it will,” Aline replied.  
“Say hi to Helen for me?”  
“I can’t believe you still haven’t met her yet,” Aline said dreamily.  
“I Facebook stalked her.”  
“Alec!”   
“What, I had to see who was taking my best friend away from me,” Alec shrugged.  
“That’s not fair,” she replied and he imagined her sulking.  
“Maybe next time you stop by New York you can bring her?”  
“And then I’ll meet Magnus?”  
“Let’s make it a double date,” Alec smiled at the thought. It could be disastrous, but it could also be the perfect match. He’d never thought he would be the type of person who would ask someone to go on couples’ dates and be serious about it, but he meant it.  
“Yeah, let’s. Talk to you soon,” Aline signed off.  
“Bye.”  
When Alec came back into the living room, Magnus was up. He’d gotten himself a cup of coffee, which was probably a good sign.   
“Sneaking around already?” Magnus asked.  
“Huh?”  
“The phone call? Someone I should worry about? You did step out of the apartment to take it,” Magnus seemed so casual in his accusations, Alec wasn’t sure he was being serious.  
“No. I… I didn’t want to wake you up. It was Aline. She says hi,” he threw down his phone on the coffee table and poured himself a cup.   
“Aline Penhallow?”   
“I’m sure I’ve mentioned her before. Tiny Asian girl? Lesbian?”   
“For someone so poetic as yourself, you’re really awful at describing people, you know that, don’t you?” Magnus wrinkled his nose. “How would you describe me?”  
“You don’t know?” Alec put his flirt on and sat down next to Magnus on the couch. He entangled his fingers in Magnus’. “Tall half-Indonesian guy,” he said as seductively as he could, “free-wheeling bisexual,” he continued.  
“Oh please, don’t stop,” Magnus replied flatly.   
“You know I’m just making fun, right?”  
“Obviously,” Magnus smiled.  
“You’re in a good mood today?” Alec asked sweetly.  
“Because you’re here,” Magnus replied shyly, and the shyness of his reply made Alec’s heart skip a beat. He pressed the hand he was holding against his lips and kissed it.   
“So what are we going to do today?”   
“I don’t know. Endless opportunities, really,” Magnus replied with a glint in his eye.


	9. Grow Old With Me

With “endless opportunities”, of course, Alec hadn’t expected Magnus to want to see his newly written songs. But that had been the man’s request, and who was Alec to refuse Magnus to see the songs that he had been the source of inspiration for? They grabbed coffee on the way back to Alec’s dorm room, and Alec locked them inside. It was still a mess, but he was now glad he’d left his window open, because the fresh air was a relief in the small bedroom. Alec found the pieces he had written and laid them out on his desk for Magnus to read. He sat down on his bed, while Magnus took the chair and started reading. Alec watched him carefully, how his expression changed slightly sometimes from concentration to awe and eventually he had tears in his eyes.  
“What’s wrong?” Alec wondered. He’d written those songs from deep within his soul, and if they hurt Magnus he had no idea what to do about it. Magnus wiped his face and turned to look at Alec.   
“You’re a creative genius, babe,” Magnus whispered. Alec’s heart skipped like it always did when Magnus called him ‘babe’. “Also, this is pure pornography.”  
“What? No it’s not,” Alec got to his feet to see his work and object further, but Magnus was quick to get up in front of him and Alec nearly crashed against him.   
“Well something in them made me very horny,” the man said. Alec studied Magnus’ face for a moment to see if he was making fun of him. When it was clear that he wasn’t, Alec leaned in to kiss him softly. In the kiss he could feel how turned on Magnus was, how he craved more than just lips against lips. Soon, Alec was grasping at Magnus’ clothes and pulling it off the man. For some reason he felt more nervous than ever, even though it wasn’t their first time like this. Perhaps it was because he knew he was willing to let Magnus do anything he would want to do with him, and that made him more nervous than the thought of lasting only a minute. To dull his nerves, Alec decided he would blow Magnus first, because that was something he’d quickly gotten accustomed to and it was even something he liked and gave him confidence. He pushed Magnus down to sit on his bed and then he kneeled in front of him. Magnus’ head tipped back as Alec started to stroke him; with a smirk he placed his mouth over Magnus’ length. Maybe it was just his lack of gag reflex that made him think of this, but if he could take all of Magnus down his throat, why shouldn’t he be able to… Magnus was almost there, when Alec heard a single knock on his door, before it flew open. Shivers of horror went down Alec’s spine as Magnus shot his load in Alec’s mouth the moment Jace walked into the room. Jace froze by the door, and unable to bring himself to swallow in front of his incredibly straight friend, Alec got to his feet and ran to the bathroom to spit it into the sink. Trying to calm his own erection before going back into his bedroom, Alec threw some water in his face, which also helped calm down his blushing cheeks. When he walked back in, Magnus had wrapped himself in the covers and was casually talking to Jace.   
“You’re still here?” Alec noted.  
“Yeah, I came to talk to you.”   
“I came first,” Magnus joked with a wiggle of his eyebrows.   
“Don’t joke,” Alec covered his face with his palms.   
“Relax, it’s not like I haven’t seen anyone suck a dick before,” Jace rolled his eyes.   
“What?” Alec looked at his friend with horror.  
“Like you’ve never watched porn.” This just kept getting worse by the second.  
“What. Do. You. Want?” Alec asked with annoyance.   
“Izzy said you’re quitting the band?”   
“What?!” Magnus exclaimed suddenly.   
“She was pestering me about practice, I… wait, is that all you wanted to talk about? Is it really so urgent you needed to interrupt…” Alec couldn’t even bring himself to say what exactly Jace had interrupted. Jace’s grin was wicked as ever.   
“I think it’s close to being a matter of life and death. Literally, I heard Izzy whispering something about suffocating you in your sleep,” Jace said.  
“You two are so dramatic. Jesus!”   
“I think you are being rather dramatic right now.”  
“How so?” Alec sighed.  
“Would you have me believe you wouldn’t have swallowed if I hadn’t walked in? It was a bit dramatic the way you stormed out of the room just now,” Jace shrugged as if he was telling Alec he’d spent the day strolling through the park and getting coffee at Taki’s.  
“Jace?” Alec said as calmly as possible.  
“Yes my friend?”   
“Get the fuck out,” Alec said.   
“I’m sorry, it seems I’m not wanted here right now…”  
“You’re really not,” Alec agreed.  
“It’s just something I need to adjust to for a moment, it’s never happened to me befo…” Jace didn’t get a chance to finish before Alec pushed his so-called friend out of his room and locked the door after him. It was a short moment of relief that washed over him, because when he looked back at Magnus, the man was scowling at him.   
“Now what?”   
“You’re quitting the band?”   
“I don’t know Magnus. It seems fair. I’m never fully there, I’m always either with you or in my head, writing new songs.”  
“That’s not fair.”  
“I know, they should have a drummer who’s there for practice every time,” Alec agreed.  
“No, I mean that’s not fair to me. Don’t tell me I’m the reason you’re quitting the band. You’re so happy when you’re with your friends. Without that kind of music in your life you wouldn’t be writing songs at all,” Magnus said.  
“How do you know?”   
“I’ve seen you on stage.”  
“That has nothing to do with my writing process. You do,” Alec admitted, but regretted the words quickly as it seemed to hit Magnus like a slap in the face.   
“I can’t be all there is for you. You need the band. You need music, not just lyrics.”   
“We’ll play piano on weekends together. I’m a bit rusty, I could use a teacher?” Alec tried. Magnus shook his head, he had tears in his eyes now. Alec sat down next to him on the edge of the bed. “What’s wrong?”   
“You can’t quit such an important part of your life like your friends.”  
“I’m not quitting them. I’m quitting the band?” Alec felt so misunderstood it made him feel like a teenager all over again and he’d hated that time of his life.   
“To them it’s the same thing,” Magnus looked so sad.  
“You’re talking from experience, aren’t you?” Alec realized. “Tessa?” Magnus didn’t answer. “Will?” Alec felt like he might explode if Magnus didn’t start talking soon.   
“We called ourselves The Infernal Devices. We were just like you guys in college. We had real potential, and I loved our music. William wrote most of it, I co-wrote a few of them,” Magnus started telling the story.  
…  
“We’re passionate people, Magnus. Don’t feel sorry for finding your true calling,” Jem said sweetly.  
“Will is never going to forgive me, is he?” Magnus had never felt so much regret and relief at the same time. Will had always been part of Magnus’ obsession. The first time he lay eyes on William Herondale, he knew he had a weakness for blue eyes and black hair. Magnus had written a piece of music about that obsession, and thank God none of them knew what it was about exactly. They all just knew it was an incredibly personal and heartfelt melody that brought tears to their eyes. Will refused to write lyrics for it, he said it was magical as it was and shouldn’t be ruined by words. Will was always good with words though, and he would have no doubt come up with something amazing for the piece. But Magnus’ teacher had found the piece and helped him get recognition for it. It was an unbelievably huge honor to just get national recognition, but he’d shown it to a guy in Europe, Ragnor, who’d made a big deal out of it and compared him to Johann Bach. Ragnor was always so dramatic.  
Will had taken it personally, when Magnus on a whim had quit the band to pursue his career as a composer. It was a time of Magnus’ life in which all emotions had seemed heightened by every sound of music. Tessa, Will, Jem and him – they all loved music so much, it had become an obsession between them, a love affair and it had started to feel too crowded for Magnus. But once he’d failed at composing any more Bach worthy pieces, Magnus started missing his band and realized how much he’d let go of for such selfish reasons.  
…  
“Don’t give up on your friends, Alec. They won’t always be there if you do.”  
Alec didn’t know how to feel about it all. Magnus had probably had the same obsession about Will as Alec had about Magnus, and that made him insanely jealous. But at the same time, a part of Alec felt honored that Magnus had shared that part of his life with him. Magnus had always been careful about what he shared with Alec. He’d only ever heard about Mrs. Bane. Alec had known about Will, of course, deep down.   
“Tessa is a huge star now? That could happen to Clary. Or Simon.” Alec tried to defend himself.  
“Sure. But do you know what happened to Jem?”  
“No?”   
“Exactly. He teaches violin to small children,” Magnus said.  
“That’s not so bad?” Alec knew it was really bad for someone with a passion for music. But Magnus had grown up to be young in the nineties, they should have known that classical music such as piano and violin wouldn’t bring them fame.   
“No, Jem would never say if he was unhappy. He still has Tessa and Will though.”  
“So do you?”  
“I’ve alienated myself from them. I was never really part of their group. The three of them, it’s like… it’s like Clary and Simon, like you and Jace. And Izzy is the glue. Don’t give up on it just yet,” Magnus said. Alec knew he’d lost this discussion, even if his next argument would be that Izzy was his sister, so no matter what they would always be related. But he knew it had no real meaning to this conversation. He knew deep down that he would ruin the friendship with all of them if he left the band now, while he was being his most eccentric self. And most of all, he didn’t want to continue the conversation, because the intimate sharing of Magnus’ past had sparked something in Alec. He felt ready to do something more than just blowjobs or topping Magnus. He wanted to feel the intimacy of Magnus being his true self. Alec had had a feeling the first time, that Magnus wasn’t used to being on the receiving end, but he’d done it anyway because of Alec. Now he felt like rewarding Magnus for sharing a piece of his past with him. Magnus was still naked under the covers, Alec was still wearing underwear, but he moved to sit on Magnus’ lap, facing the older man. Magnus looked up at him with a playful smile.   
“Are you trying to distract me from the conversation?” he whispered seductively.  
“Is it working?” Alec wondered.   
“Tell me you’re not quitting the band?”   
“I’m not quitting the band,” Alec replied. He hadn’t really decided yet, but he didn’t want them to end up fighting about it. He rolled his hips towards Magnus’, and a low growl escaped Magnus’ throat. Alec felt Magnus’ skilled hands on his stomach; he was about to learn just how skilful a pianist was with his hands.   
“You’re so hot right now,” Magnus breathed hungrily and kissed Alec’s collarbone, slightly biting down, probably leaving a mark for a day or two. Alec leaned into the feeling of teeth against skin. Magnus placed his hands on Alec’s hips firmly, helping him roll back and forth, creating friction. Alec brushed his fingers over Magnus’ hand, gesturing for him to move his hand further down. Magnus looked up at him again.  
“Can I…?” Magnus was rarely short for words.  
“Please?” Alec replied, a bit short of breath. There was an unspoken communication between them, and Magnus slid his hand behind Alec, starting to rub his cheek. Alec rolled his hips more fiercely now, feeling more and more turned on. “Please?” Alec repeated. He couldn’t stand how Magnus teased him much longer. The foreplay was so erotic.   
“Uhm, Alec? Do you have lube?”   
“Shit!” Alec exclaimed. Magnus looked smug now. “What?”   
“Turn over,” he said.  
“Why?”  
“Don’t you trust me?” Magnus smiled teasingly. Alec lay down on the bed and felt Magnus remove his underwear. Soon he felt Magnus rim him.   
“O-oh,” Alec stuttered with surprise.  
“Is this is okay?”   
“Ye-yes,” Alec continued to stutter, but then he got a hold of himself and spoke more clearly, “that feels so good.”   
Magnus’ tongue continued to work its way, filling Alec with throbbing arousal. He breathed into his pillow, trembling with anticipation. Magnus soon had him wet, and flipped Alec onto his back. Alec looked up at him, and he could see how much Magnus was enjoying this – enjoying being in charge and giving Alec pleasure.   
“Is this okay?” Magnus wondered, referring to Alec being underneath him. It was incredible how much they understood each other even without words. Magnus must have known Alec didn’t prefer to be on his back, and he gave him a shy shrug. Magnus planted a quick kiss on Alec’s lips, and pulled him back up into his lap. Alec felt Magnus’ erection against his own, but didn’t look down to compare, because he knew it would only make him more nervous. Magnus reached back around Alec and slid one finger inside. Alec exhaled deeply, and his head tilted back almost by reflex. It was an odd feeling, and Magnus waited for him to adjust before moving his finger slowly. Alec arched his back, causing his chest to lean closer to Magnus, who saw the opportunity to start kissing Alec’s chest. It didn’t take Alec long to adjust, and before he knew it, he was rolling his hips against Magnus’ finger. Alec didn’t even think, when he placed his hand around Magnus’ length between them and started stroking him. The other man’s free hand started to claw Alec’s back.   
“F-f-f-fuck,” Alec stuttered as Magnus hit his prostate. Magnus then continued the same movement, continuously hitting the spot and Alec’s body tensed against Magnus’. He groaned, and clutched at Magnus’ hair as he came. Out of breath, he looked down at the older man, before falling down on the bed beside him. He ran a hand through his now sweaty hair, while his heart continued to race. He’d never thought he would feel such pleasure simply from getting fingered. Magnus lay down on top of him, and rested his head on Alec’s chest.   
“Did you like that?” he asked. Alec thought he detected nervousness in Magnus’ voice, and he laughed. “What’s funny?”   
“You. Were you even here? I think it was pretty obvious that I did like that,” Alec replied. Magnus turned his face and kissed Alec’s chest again.   
“Are you going to write a song about how much you liked it?”   
“Yes. And it might actually be pornographic this time,” he joked. Of course he wasn’t going to write a song about getting fingered by his boyfriend – he was going to write a song about the intimacy behind it, the sharing of emotions and the way two bodies could respond to each other.   
“How about now?”   
“What?” Alec asked. Magnus raised himself up on his elbows and looked at Alec.  
“I want to see you write. I want to see your process,” Magnus said. His expression was so soft and sincere, Alec didn’t have the heart to refuse his request, even though he knew he would have some difficulty writing if Magnus was watching him.   
“Don’t you want a shower first?” Alec tried.  
“Will you come with me?”   
“I live in a dorm room, it’s kind of public?”   
“Even more exciting, isn’t it?” Magnus smirked.   
Barely anyone noticed two men in the small shower stall, and when someone did the guy only made a comment that sounded like “have fun boys”.   
Afterwards, Magnus insisted that Alec put as little clothes on as he was comfortable with, while writing. At first, he wasn’t comfortable writing in front of Magnus at all, but he soon forgot all about being nervous and nearly naked (in more than one sense of the word) in front of Magnus. Magnus was quiet the entire time, he barely moved and it gave Alec the silence he needed. Words started to float in his mind, and he wasn’t in his room anymore, he was inside himself and nothing could get him here, except the sweet memory of Magnus’ touch, the curve of his lips, the color of his eyes, the softness of his skin and most importantly, his peculiar personality that seemed to change with his mood and surroundings. All of the feelings Alec contained seemed to melt together into one piece of poetry. After a while the tickling feeling of someone’s eyes on you brought Alec back from his process. Magnus was still watching him carefully, naked on the bed, only just covering his private parts with the covers.   
“You know, the just-showered-with-my-boyfriend look is just as hot as the just-fucked look,” Magnus noted. Alec felt his skin flush slightly from the undivided attention Magnus had given him.   
“Boyfriend?”   
“Yeah, boyfriend,” Magnus smirked. Someone knocked on Alec’s door. The two of them stared at each other for a moment.  
“Quiet, they’ll go away,” Alec whispered. The knock sounded again, more aggressively. Alec groaned and went to open the door. Jace. “Now what?”   
“I knocked, I waited,” Jace said proudly.  
“I noticed. What do you want?”  
Jace pushed past him and walked into the room.   
“You’re still naked? I’ve been gone for hours?” It was always strange and difficult to tell, but sometimes Jace would look slightly impressed. Magnus gave him a smug look. “Anyway, you can’t leave the band.”   
“This again,” Alec sighed.   
“He already promised me he wouldn’t,” Magnus offered.  
“Was his promise in return for sex?” Jace’s eyebrow went up.   
“Sort of.”  
“And you didn’t question that?”   
“Jace, come on?” Alec tried.  
“Look, we’ve been offered a gig. Los Angeles,” Jace said.  
“Los Angeles?”   
Jace started to explain how they’d been invited to join a music festival for upcoming college bands. It was a huge deal to even be considered for the annual festival, and lots of bands had started their career through that very festival. Alec felt the excitement all the way to his bones, but he didn’t reveal as much. He knew it had been stupid for him to even consider leaving the band, when he could feel this way about playing at a music festival.   
“That’s big,” Magnus said.   
“Is that what he said?” Jace winked. Alec face-palmed himself.   
“I won’t leave the band. Geez, will you leave now?” Alec groaned.  
“That’s not a nice way to treat your best friend?” Jace sulked, he tried to make it look fake, but he rarely fooled Alec, something was up with his friend. He could somehow tell that Jace had something he needed to get off his chest.   
“What’s wrong?”   
“Nothing, you’re busy…” Jace glanced at Magnus. Magnus, unlike Jace, knew when to give someone space, so he got to his feet, grabbed a few pieces of clothing and told them he would go get them all some coffee.   
“Jace?” Alec asked, once Magnus had left the room.   
“Everything is fine,” he pronounced each word carefully, as if to emphasize how not-fine he was.   
“Has something happened? Is this about… a girl?” Alec knew he was going to regret asking. He already knew most of it, because of Clary.   
“I just… you already know, don’t you?” Jace figured.  
“Clary talks to me,” he shrugged.   
“You never have time to talk to me?”   
“You’re not as pushy and clingy as the girls, which I actually appreciate. Well, okay, today you are very clingy. I’m sorry if I’ve been… unavailable?”   
“It’s fine,” Jace was studying one of Alec’s pencils. He had a lot of pencils lying around in the room, because he never had time to sharpen them while writing, so he needed a lot of spare ones that were ready to use.   
“I get the impression that Clary likes you a lot?” Alec tried, because he knew he wasn’t going to get rid of his friend until he’d made him spill everything to make him feel better. And he also knew that it was very unlikely that Jace would say it unless Alec pried it out of him. Jace shot Alec a look of utter exasperation. “Jace, if you don’t like her that way, you should end whatever the two of you are doing right now if you want her to stay in the band.”  
“I didn’t think you cared about the band?”  
“That’s not fair,” Alec sighed.  
“I do like her that way, that’s the problem.” Jace stood up. He looked uncomfortable somehow. Maybe Alec was mistaken, he’d never seen Jace uncomfortable.   
“No. I don’t see the problem then?” Alec said, and Jace sighed deeply. “Right, Jace Herondale, town lothario since twenty-fourteen.”   
“Please. Twenty-twelve,” Jace snorted.   
“I guess it is a bit problematic that you would fall in love with our lead singer…”  
“Hold up, no one said anything about love.”  
“Right,” Alec sniggered. Jace sighed again.   
“Fine. Maybe, just maybe, I’m kind of, sort of, falling in love,” Jace narrowed his eyes as if he was tasting the words to see what they would feel like on his tongue. Alec, on the other hand, frowned at how inarticulate his otherwise very articulate friend was at the moment.   
“What’s the problem exactly?”   
“I don’t want to get tied down.”  
“I never picked Clary for a bondage type of girl,” Alec shrugged, only joking.   
“You would be surprised,” Jace teased back with the same ease. Alec had missed this sort of banter between them. He knew he hadn’t been very available to his friends lately.   
“She told me about your abs. Don’t tell her I said that, by the way,” Alec warned.   
“You know I have abs?” Jace frowned.  
“Yeah, but apparently she had been blind to it until you took your shirt off.”   
“Huh, that makes sense now. She did act kind of strange that one time,” Jace said thoughtfully.   
“I think it would work,” Alec said.  
“What?”  
“You and Clary. I like her a lot. She’s funny. And smart. Talented,” Alec admitted.  
“Why don’t you date her?”  
“Oh, I already found someone much more attractive.”  
“Hey, watch your mouth!” Jace said, and they both chuckled. “Look at us, falling in love, when we thought we were hopeless and lost.”  
“I didn’t…”  
“Please. You’ve hated yourself ever since you hit puberty. I know, Alec. I was there to witness all of it. I’m glad you finally found someone who could show you who you really are,” Jace said, and everything seemed to get real suddenly.   
“I think I love him,” Alec said, his words barely audible.   
“I know,” Jace smirked.   
“Maybe this is just what it’s like to grow up. We find ourselves. We find ourselves in other people.”  
“Are you saying you were in Magnus? Odd, I don’t know why, but I would have thought it would be the other way around.”  
“You’re a moron. You know what I mean,” Alec rolled his eyes.   
“I do. I don’t know how to prove to her that I want her to be more though? It’s not something I’m familiar with. Girls always just assume, and then I end up hurting their feelings, but Clary’s not like that. She doesn’t assume that just because we’ve had sex, that I’d want more.”   
“Then prove it to her. Buy flowers, or whatever it is girls want.”   
A soft knock sounded on the door, and Alec opened to help Magnus inside with three cups of coffee.   
“Starbucks, anyone?”   
“Thanks, Magnus,” Jace didn’t look very pleased at Magnus’ presence, so naturally Alec thought he needed to change that.  
“We were talking about girls,” Alec said. It was as much a cry for help as it was a way of integrating Magnus into their conversation and let Jace know that he could be a good ally. Besides, he had more experience with girls than Alec did, so there was that. “How does someone let a girl know that even though you used to be a bit of a whore, you are willing to be with only her?” Alec used the word “whore” carefully, making sure it came out with ease to emphasize how meaningless the word actually was.   
“Hey now, let’s not get carried away…” Jace started to object.  
“You can’t see Clary if you don’t want to be exclusive. Sorry dude, but Clary is my bro too,” Alec shrugged.   
“Flowers,” Magnus interrupted.  
“Really? That’s so…”  
“Cliché? Yes, well, girls love it, as long as you don’t bring roses. I’m pretty sure Clary is anything but a rose girl,” Magnus said. “And no tulips, girls hate when guys bring them tulips.”  
“Then what flowers do I get?”  
“I don’t know. Sunflowers? Gerbera?”   
“Definitely sunflowers,” Alec agreed.   
“Even if she’ll laugh at you for being cliché, she will know that if you go out of your way to pick flowers for her that isn’t just an ordinary bouquet of roses, you must really like her and want to make it official.”   
“Should I have bought you flowers?” Alec wondered.  
“Please, the twenty love songs speak volumes,” Magnus looked at him with an expression that touched Alec’s heart.  
“Wait, you’ve never bought me flowers? Or written songs?” Alec pointed out. Magnus was about to protest, but thought better of it. Jace folded his arms across his chest, as if he was enjoying how the tables had turned.   
“I’m not much of a writer, but I did find a song that sort of… explains how I feel about you,” Magnus answered, shyly aware of Jace still being in the room.   
“What song?” Alec demanded. Magnus glanced over at Jace. It was clear that he wasn’t going to answer the question. “When did you find the song?” he tried instead.  
“Last week, when I had a lot of time to myself,” Magnus shrugged. “And I realized how much I missed you.”   
“I’m just going to say what I think we’re both thinking – when are we going to hear you perform this song, because it is quite evident that you’re not just going to tell us?” Jace interrupted. Magnus kept his eyes locked on Alec’s.   
“Well?” Alec asked.   
“Now?”   
“You made me curious,” Alec said, as if it was rather obvious.  
“Let’s go find a piano then,” Magnus sighed, and Alec thought he noticed him scowl at Jace. Jace looked smug and dug out his phone, once Magnus turned around to walk out of the room. Alec didn’t care if Jace texted their friends, because he wanted everyone to hear how Magnus felt about him. Hell, he was eager to hear it himself. They’d been very honest with each other about their feelings, but Magnus had never phrased them quite the same way as Alec had over and over again. Magnus was more reserved that way, but now he was about to turn it all around.   
The two best friends followed the older man across campus to find an empty room, and they didn’t stop until they found a room occupied by Izzy, Clary and Simon.  
“Oh hey guys, do you need a piano?” Izzy smirked. It was the only room with a piano left unoccupied.  
“How did you get here so fast?” Jace wondered.  
“Whatever do you mean? We were already here, rehearsing,” Izzy said in a very unconvincing voice. Magnus sighed deeply, but went to sit by the piano anyway.   
“You kids are the worst,” he mumbled. Alec shared a look of amusement with Clary, and went to stand closer to Magnus. Magnus looked up at him. “Kiss me?” he mouthed, so only Alec could see it. Alec smiled softly, and planted a small kiss on the older man’s lips. It seemed to relax Magnus a bit, and he played a few notes before he started to play. He’d never seen Magnus play this intensely before, and it looked so rock’n’roll. Alec also hadn’t known that Magnus was a pretty decent singer.   
I can feel you breathing with your hair on my skin, he begun, his eyes closed and he was feeling the melody as if it was part of him, or so it seemed to the audience. Grow old with me, let us share what we see, Magnus glanced up at Alec with a smirk, telling Alec how much he enjoyed to perform, something Alec hadn’t seen from him before. You’ll be the one, make me hurt, make me come, make me feel like I’m real and alive. Everything else seemed to fade in comparison to Magnus singing to him in the middle of the day on a campus piano. Alec felt flushed once Magnus was done singing, it had been such an intimate moment between them, but then he turned to see that the others had already left them to be alone.   
“Tom Odell,” Magnus said quietly.  
“What?”  
“That’s the singer. Tom Odell,” he shrugged.  
“Well, I loved it.”  
“I don’t write songs like you do, but I felt like this one summed up pretty much how I feel about you.”   
“You want to grow old with me?” Alec smirked.   
“I’ve never met anyone I wanted to share my life with before you,” Magnus got to his feet and stood in front of Alec. “Everything in my life has changed since I met you. I’ve lost the only family member I’ve ever known, and somehow it all seems bearable because I feel like I have you.”  
“You do have me,” Alec whispered. It reminded Alec that it was almost time for him to adjust to the thought of telling his parents about Magnus, or he would end up ignoring them for the rest of his life. Magnus leaned his forehead against Alec’s.  
“What are you thinking?” he wondered.  
“I was thinking maybe, perhaps, it was time to, you know, bring you to a family dinner?” Alec felt like he might get a stroke just from saying the words. He had avoided family dinners for months now, always making up excuses about being too busy with schoolwork.   
“I don’t want you to do something you’re uncomfortable with.”  
“I’ll never not be uncomfortable with them, especially not if they don’t really know who I am,” Alec shrugged. Alec’s phone buzzed in his pocket, but he ignored it. “And… I love you,” Alec said, holding his breath as if he wouldn’t be able to get it back if he tried to breathe.  
“I know,” Magnus smiled softly.  
“And?” Alec felt his pulse speed up. Magnus pressed his lips against Alec’s and it made him relax a bit.   
“I love you too. Obviously,” he smirked.   
Alec remembered his phone in his pocket and looked at the screen. Izzy.   
“They went to Taki’s. Do you want to go?” Alec asked.  
“Sure,” the older man smiled.   
…  
“What song was that?” Izzy asked first thing as the two of them slid into the booth with Alec’s friends.  
“Grow Old with Me by Tom Odell,” Magnus said.   
“That was a very well chosen song,” she winked at Magnus.   
“Thank you.”   
“There’s a campus party for all music majors tonight, who wants to go? I’m sure the two love birds could use some time outside of the bedroom?” Izzy wriggled her eyebrows at Alec.   
“Don’t do that,” he frowned.   
“You’re so boring.”   
“I have plenty proof that your brother is anything but boring,” Magnus pressed his lips against Alec’s hair.   
“Aww. Are you going to tell mom soon?” Izzy was always on to the next topic in a matter of seconds, and sometimes it was a good thing, but at the moment it was simply annoying.   
“Yeah, soon. I guess,” Alec shrugged. Izzy inhaled sharply. “Come on, it won’t be that bad.” Although, he knew it would be very bad.   
“Well, you don’t have to worry about it tonight. Party. Ten o’clock. Don’t forget,” she warned them all.


	10. Most Likely To…

“Are you really up for a party? Because, if you’re not, I can totally stay home with you. I mean, I understand if you don’t want to party with a bunch of students,” Alec said without taking a break to breathe. He was nervous about letting the entire university know that he was dating one of the professors. Magnus looked smug now.  
“Do you not want to go?”   
“Honestly, I would rather go watch a movie or something,” Alec shrugged.   
“I would like to see you at a party. I’ve only ever seen you at parties after a concert. That always seems like work for you,” Magnus replied.  
“Because it is work. I’m not great with parties,” Alec admitted. What he really meant was that he wasn’t good with such a big crowd looking at him with judgment for having brought a professor to a campus party. They were all adults, sure, but Magnus was one of the hotter professors, and people were bound to get in the way of whatever they had at the moment.   
“I’ll help you pick an outfit? People will stare at you with hunger.”  
“You’re not really helping, you know that, right?” Alec rolled his eyes. Magnus pulled him down on top of him as he was placed on Alec’s chair. Alec leaned his face down to kiss Magnus gently. His heart skipped. He was so nervous about every single thing he did, now that Magnus had told him he loved him. Alec still couldn’t believe how lucky he was, and perhaps that’s why he was nervous – he was nervous that Magnus would regret everything. Everything had been easy before, when they were just falling in love. Now Alec had to think about telling his family soon. It was all so nerve-wracking. “What do you propose I wear then?” he asked to push his thoughts aside and focus on the now. Magnus softly pushed Alec off him and went to his closet. It took him a few minutes, and the quest seemed to need great consideration. Eventually, he threw a pair of ripped black skinny jeans and a white dress shirt and a beige sweater on the bed.   
“Try this,” he smiled.  
“The shirt has holes in it?”   
“Do you have any sweaters without holes?”   
“Well, you need at least four holes…” Alec began and Magnus chuckled.  
“I didn’t think so. It will just have to look like a fashion statement, or you know, we could go buy you a new sweater?”   
“This one will do, I think,” Alec replied quickly and started to change his clothes. Once he was shirtless, Magnus quickly sprayed cologne onto him. “Thanks,” Alec narrowed his eyes with suspicion.   
“You didn’t smell bad, but you know, this will make the girls go crazy.”   
“Remind me, why would you want them to go crazy?”  
“It’s fun for me. Because I get to take you home,” Magnus smirked.   
“We’ll see about that,” Alec joked, but he didn’t reveal the humor in his voice. He pulled his hair back into a bun, like he usually wore it when he was playing. “What will you wear? Do I get to decide?” Alec wondered. Magnus had to think about it for a moment.  
“That seems fair, I guess,” he shrugged.   
They went back to Magnus’, and Alec began to search his closet. He hadn’t had a plan when he first suggested he picked Magnus’ outfit, but after going through the man’s wardrobe, he suddenly had an idea. While Alec’s closet was full of clothes of somewhat the same neutral colors and without much pattern, so that everything went well with everything, Magnus’ wardrobe was full of colors and patterns that would look awful if you put them together. So that’s exactly what Alec did – on purpose, because he wasn’t completely blind. Magnus ended up in blue velvet pants, a red shirt and a blue blazer, and to top it off – an orange scarf. He looked like a douche from the seventies.   
“Are you having fun now?” Magnus scowled.   
“Very much,” Alec smirked.  
“Why on earth would this ever please you to look at?”  
“I didn’t say it did. But it will please me greatly when no one else looks at you twice,” Alec admitted. “I know what’s underneath it, so I can see past it,” he shrugged.  
“You’re an idiot if you think I’ll go to a party wearing this.”  
“It’s your clothes?” Alec said innocently.   
“You’re so bad,” Magnus said, but he couldn’t hide his amusement anymore.  
“Does that mean you don’t want to go?” he asked, feeling hopeful.  
“No, it means I’m going to change.”   
“Fine, I’ll find something better for you to wear,” Alec sighed and dug out a few pieces of clothing he knew looked great on Magnus. Magnus was now wearing a burgundy blazer, with a black dress shirt and matching burgundy skinny jeans. The man looked impressed with Alec’s new choice.   
“Not bad,” he smirked. It wasn’t bad at all. Magnus looked incredibly sexy, which wasn’t much due to the clothes, but it helped. “Can I wear make-up?” The question took Alec off-guard and he blinked for a moment. “Don’t be shocked, this is the only time I’ll ever ask permission. I thought we were doing a thing here. I decide what you’re wearing, you decide what I wear?”   
“I did my own hair, you can do your own make-up,” Alec chuckled.  
“That’s because it looks hot when you do your hair like that,” Magnus winked.  
“Well, I like the way you do your make-up, so I’ll leave you to it and find us something to drink. We’re early.” Alec left the bedroom, because frankly, he was starting to get nauseas from this conversation. He liked Magnus to be commanding and confident, which he hadn’t dropped, but asking questions about his appearance wasn’t something Alec enjoyed being part of. The question in itself sent out a message of insecurity. Alec had just poured himself some rum and coke, when someone knocked on Magnus’ front door. “Did you invite someone?”   
“No?” Magnus called from the bathroom. Alec went to open the door, and found Izzy and Clary on the doorstep.   
“What are you doing here?” he demanded.  
“We want to drink before the party, but we don’t have any booze. And we don’t really have much money left this month, so we figured we would go to the most likely place with free booze,” Izzy explained quickly.   
“Magnus, someone wants to drink your booze for free?!” Alec called, as he let the girls in.   
“Well, tell them…” Magnus appeared in the living room. “Oh, hello girls. You look stunning as usual. Have at it.”   
Maybe it wasn’t going to be such a terrible night after all. He would have his best friends with him. Well, most of them. He still thought of Aline on occasions like this, where he needed someone who was as socially shy as he was. He turned on some music and started on the drinks along with the girls, while they waited for Magnus. Izzy said that Jace was running late because of work, and Simon would also join them at the party, because he had some studies he needed to do with his classmates. Alec didn’t really mind much. And he definitely didn’t mind once Magnus joined them in the living room. He looked stunning. Alec had never really believed there was anything odd about men using make-up, it wasn’t necessarily feminine. What he did think odd was society’s obsession with masculinity. It was starting to become an epidemic, and people were too often scared to lose some part of their masculinity if they did something they considered feminine. Magnus had the androgynous look down to the point where no other person Alec knew could measure next to him. Magnus was wearing black, grey and silver eye-shadow, creating smokey eyes along with a perfectly pointed black eyeliner. His eyes would most likely stand out in the dark, due to the amount of silver on them as a bright contrast to his nearly yellow eyes. Alec’s eyes ran over Magnus wearing the outfit he’d picked out. He looked staggering. Alec got to his feet and moved to Magnus, who he now noticed, was actually blushing a bit at Alec’s attention. Alec didn’t even care about the audience, he knew this particular audience didn’t care either, so he planted a heavy kiss on Magnus’ lips and he could feel the man’s heart slamming against his chest. You couldn’t fake that feeling.   
“Breathtaking,” Alec murmured against Magnus’ mouth, so the girls couldn’t hear it over the music Izzy had picked out. Alec pulled his arms around Magnus’ waist and kissed him again. Izzy cleared her throat.  
“We’re still here,” she reminded them. Alec rolled his eyes so only Magnus could see it, and it earned him a shy smile in return. Magnus’ heart was still beating faster than usual.   
“Maybe we should stay home after all?” he whispered. Alec frowned, and Magnus glanced down. Alec discreetly followed his glance, and noticed Magnus was getting hard in his skinny jeans. Alec suppressed a chuckle, and looked into Magnus’ eyes.  
“Now?” he mouthed, and was thankful that his back was towards the girls. Magnus shrugged.   
“No one’s ever looked at me like that before,” Magnus admitted. Alec leaned in and whispered into Magnus’ ear.  
“Bathroom in two?”   
Magnus glanced over Alec’s shoulder, and went straight for the bathroom. When Alec turned back around, the girls were mixing a new drink.   
“Problem?” Izzy asked.  
“No. Erh, Magnus forgot to find a nail polish to match his make-up. I should go help him,” Alec tried to cover up with the worst excuse ever.  
“Of course,” Izzy smirked.   
By now Alec didn’t even care, he went to the bathroom and locked the door behind him. Magnus’ cheeks were burning pink.   
“I don’t know what’s happening to me, I…” he stopped himself. “I’m usually able to control it somewhat, but…”   
“Because of the way I looked at you?” Alec wondered. Magnus nodded.   
“I feel like a teenager,” he replied in a tone that revealed just how ridiculous he probably felt. Alec suddenly felt the urge to laugh, he knew it was a horrible thing to do in this situation and Magnus hit him not so lightly on the arm. It probably wasn’t much unlike the way Alec had felt the first time they’d had sex. “I hate you,” Magnus said, but there was humor in his voice.   
“No you don’t,” Alec smirked.  
“No I don’t,” he sighed.   
“We’ll go to the party, we’ll dance a bit and have a few drinks and then we’ll go home and I’ll take care of that,” Alec glanced down at Magnus’ crotch.   
“Can I change into suit pants instead of skinny jeans?”  
“No. But I’ll try not to look at you too much,” Alec tried desperately to hold down his amusement and confidence, but it was difficult seeing how the tables had turned.   
Alec walked back out to the girls and poured himself some whiskey on the rocks. He’d never been much of a drinker, but he thought he needed the encouragement tonight, and whiskey seemed to be a kind of alcohol suitable for a drummer slash songwriter. It burned all the way down, but it didn’t keep Alec from pouring himself another glass, before settling down next to Izzy.   
“Doing alright?” she asked.  
“Fine,” he smiled back. “What are you doing?” He nodded towards Izzy’s phone, which she was searching through.   
“We’re finding questions for ‘most likely to’,” Izzy replied. You could always count on Izzy to find some kind of drinking game. While Izzy continued to find questions and eventually found an app, Magnus came back into the living room.  
“Which nail polish did you decide on?” Clary asked innocently. Magnus looked confused for a moment, and Alec shot him a look. Luckily, he was already wearing nail polish and flashed his nails for her. “Pretty,” she smiled.   
“Apparently we’re doing ‘most likely to’,” Alec rolled his eyes.  
“Fun, although, I don’t know you two very well,” Magnus shrugged.   
“You’ll get to know us,” Clary replied sweetly.   
“Okay, so I’ll read the question and then we count to three and point at the person, each person drinks every time someone points at them, if everyone points at them they take four sips,” Izzy explained.  
“We know the game, Izzy,” Alec sighed.   
“Most likely to lose their temper?” Izzy read, glancing at Alec disapprovingly. They counted to three and everybody but Alec pointed at Alec. Alec thought his sister was pretty good at losing her temper as well, but apparently none of them agreed with him. He took three sips of his whiskey. Magnus had found some kind of blue drink for himself, and seemed to enjoy how Alec was often the one everybody pointed to. They all agreed that he was most likely to fall asleep at a party, to get into a fight, and to forget something important. However, Izzy got a few that everyone could agree on as well; she would most likely be the one to survive a zombie apocalypse, everyone could agree on that. Clary was honored that the three of them all agreed that she was most likely to become president, then they all decided that despite his absence, Simon would most likely be her vice president. Then the tables seemed to turn again, and everyone was pointing to Magnus at each question; such as, most likely to have better dance moves (which Magnus unashamedly agreed on), most likely to break out in song in public (though Clary had the better voice for it), most likely to take longest getting ready was half and half between Magnus and Izzy, and most likely to be able to cook a good meal was once again all on Magnus.   
“Is that some sort of Asian stereotype?” he frowned.   
“No, but you do have the most food in your kitchen,” Izzy shrugged.  
“That’s because the three of you don’t have a kitchen of your own,” Magnus rolled his eyes.   
They continued for almost two hours of mixed fun and bickering. Jace eventually joined them for the last round, before they headed back to campus for the party. They were far from the first people to arrive at the party, probably because they had been drinking at Magnus’ for so long before going. Alec could feel the alcohol in between his eyes, but he still felt self-conscious about touching Magnus and kept a fair distance.   
“Would you relax, everybody already knows about you,” Jace nudged his friend. Jace always noticed these things for some reason. Or he had been the one to tell the entire campus about them. Either way, Jace was right. It was none of their business anyway. But he still felt like everyone was staring at them.   
Alec remembered his promise, and tried not to look at Magnus all night. Magnus seemed kind of drunk himself, and kept caressing Alec’s back and arms lightly, whenever he was with him. Despite his own drunkenness, one set of staring eyes kept prickling against Alec’s skin. He couldn’t shake the feeling of uneasiness, as they were not kind eyes at all.   
“Camille is giving me one hell of a look,” Alec whispered to Magnus. Magnus looked towards the girl.   
“Don’t mind her,” Magnus shrugged.   
“I can’t help it. It looks like she’s trying to make my head explode with the sheer force of her mind,” Alec said through gritted teeth. Magnus grinned and leaned in to kiss Alec’s neck. Ice ran down his spine, and he jerked away from his boyfriend. “What are you doing?!”   
Magnus looked hurt.   
“Are you afraid of her?”  
“I…” Alec was probably afraid of her and that’s what his body had reacted to. He knew how influential she was at school, and she could be very convincing. But he also knew he shouldn’t be afraid, because he had a professor on his side. “Are you entirely sure you’re allowed to date a student?”   
“You’re an adult,” Magnus rolled his eyes. “Besides, you’re not my student, you’re a student, there’s probably a difference in there somewhere.”   
“Right. Of course,” Alec could hear the tremble in his voice. Magnus gave him a compassionate smile then.  
“I’ll go get a refill.” And then he disappeared into the crowd. Almost as if on cue, Jace was at Alec’s side.   
“This party is lame,” his voice almost sounded like a yawn.   
“Camille Belcourt is giving me the stink eye,” Alec mumbled. Jace looked in the same direction.  
“Do you want me to take care of it?” Jace wriggled his eyebrows.  
“Ew, no!”   
“Whatever,” Jace shrugged.  
“Did you get Clary flowers yet?” Alec wondered, and the look Jace gave him told him it was just the right question to ask him.   
“You know how I was late for this party?”  
“You put flowers in her room?”   
“I put so many violets in her room, she can’t see her desk anymore,” Jace said a bit proud of himself.  
“That seems a bit much. She’ll need her desk,” Alec said.   
“I plan to walk her back to her dorm, and then leave before she goes in. I put one of the flowers outside of her room with a little note in it, and then notes on each bouquet of flowers inside her room,” Jace said.   
“Wow, I’m impressed, Herondale,” Alec winked. “Let’s drink to that,” he held up his glass of whatever this nasty sugary stuff was and bottomed up. “I should probably get a beer. Or wine,” Alec grimaced.  
…  
Sometime after quite a few drinks and lots of dizziness, Alec thought he needed some fresh air, but on his way outside, Magnus followed him and dragged him into a dark deserted music room.   
“Magnus, what are you doing? I’m feeling kind of dizzy,” Alec said. Magnus locked the door behind them, but looked at Alec for a moment before making a move.   
“Will you barf if I kiss you?” he asked. Alec sniggered. He was dizzy, but he wasn’t nauseas. He focused his eyes on Magnus and couldn’t help looking at him somewhat the same way he had back home.   
“I can’t imagine how that would make me barf,” he smirked. Magnus bit his lower lip and stepped closer, pushing Alec up against a grand piano. Alec’s breathing quickened, and his pulse was ringing in his ears, alcohol rushing through his body. “Magnus…” he whispered, just before Magnus kissed him. His lips tasted like oranges and vodka, and Alec pulled him closer. Magnus reached around and grabbed Alec’s ass, as if they were a couple of teenagers. Alec didn’t mind. Magnus’ hands slipped up under Alec’s shirt at the back, running his fingers over his spine. Alec pulled his arms around Magnus’ neck, dragging him closer still.  
“Alec,” he mumbled.   
“Let’s go home. I’ll let you have your way with me,” Alec breathed. Magnus’ lips quirked.   
“I like it when you talk dirty to me,” Magnus teased.   
“I mean it though.”  
“I know you do,” Magnus smile was soft now. Alec leaned in and licked that beautiful smile, biting down slightly on Magnus’ lower lip. “Fuck, you’re so hot tonight,” he sighed.  
“Does that have anything to do with you dressing me?”  
“Maybe. Probably,” he smirked. “Let’s go. This party is boring anyway.”  
They ran out of the classroom, down the stairs towards the entrance, and almost ran into Jocelyn – literally.   
“Sorry,” Magnus chuckled, hand still entangled in Alec’s. Jocelyn glanced at their hands for a second, and then smiled.   
“You’re in a hurry,” she grinned. Alec had only ever met Clary’s mother once before, but he knew she was a good colleague of Magnus’.   
“Jocelyn, you know Alec. I’m sure I’ve mentioned him once or twice,” Magnus smiled. You could tell just from his smile how drunk he was.   
“Sure. Clary is in his band,” Jocelyn raised her eyebrows.  
“Right, it’s not my band,” Alec pointed out drunkenly.   
“Clary told me about L.A.”  
“Huh?”   
“The festival,” Jocelyn reminded him.  
“Yeah, right. It’s exciting,” Alec shrugged awkwardly.   
“Well, you’re both very obviously drunk and up to no good, so I’ll let you to it. I was just going to get something for classes on Monday, so don’t mind me,” she smiled politely. Clary looked so much like her mother, Alec noticed, it was almost uncanny. Jocelyn started to walk away. Magnus looked at Alec for a moment, and told him to wait for a second. Alec stayed by the door, and Magnus ran up to Jocelyn. Alec could still hear them, even though Magnus whispered.   
“Have you told the rest of the staff… about us?” he glanced down at Alec for a split second.   
“No, why would I?” Jocelyn looked puzzled.  
“No reason, it’s just, you know some of them are a bit… old-fashioned?”  
“Magnus, I trust you know what you’re doing. He’s an adult, and so are you,” she shrugged.  
“Thanks, biscuit.”  
“Just remember to invite me to your wedding,” she winked. Magnus just waved the back of his hand at her, as he walked back to Alec.   
“What was that about?”   
“Don’t mind her. Just pretend you met future Clary,” Magnus winked.   
“I know she’s Clary’s mom. And I know she’s your colleague. Is she fine with… you know, us?”   
“It seems like it,” he shrugged.   
…  
The air felt like a relief against Alec’s burning cheeks. He was more drunk than he’d realized, and he had to steady himself against Magnus. When they arrived at Magnus’ apartment, Alec felt out of breath. Although he was drunk, he clearly remembered what he’d promised Magnus. He also knew, deep within himself that he was glad he was this drunk or he would probably be even more nervous, which wouldn’t be very attractive.   
“Magnus…” he said, as he closed the door behind them. Magnus turned to him with a warm smile.  
“Let’s just curl up in bed and watch RuPaul’s Drag Race until we fall asleep?”   
“Is that what you want?” Alec wondered. Magnus let out a low growl, a sort of mixed sigh and chuckle. He bit his lower lip and looked at Alec in the outfit he had chosen for him.   
“You’re drunk, and I don’t want to take advantage of that,” he sighed, closing his eyes.  
“You should take advantage of it. Please? I’m not so drunk that I will forget it in the morning,” Alec assured him. Magnus looked back at him and held out his hand. Alec took the outstretched hand and Magnus pulled him closer.   
“Can you look at me like that again?” he asked in a whisper. Alec smirked, and took a step back again. He took in all of Magnus’ stunning beauty; rings on his fingers, tight jeans, sharp shoulders, spiked hair, and his eyes ran over the man’s face, reading his expression – eyes wide with curiosity, lips slightly parted and perfectly full. “That is the most irresistible look I’ve ever seen,” Magnus breathed, and kissed Alec hard on his lips. Alec tugged at the other man’s lips, sucked them in between his teeth and Magnus moaned into his mouth.   
“Please take me to your bed?” Alec whispered shyly.   
“Yes sir,” Magnus smirked.   
He pushed Alec down on the bed, and crawled on top of him, starting to undress him.   
“I think you just made another hole in my sweater,” Alec chuckled at the force of Magnus’ eagerness of getting him unclothed.   
“I’ll buy you another one, darling.” Lips met Alec’s chest, where his shirt had been unbuttoned quickly. He arched his back and leaned up into the feel of Magnus’ mouth on his bare skin, until the man bit down slightly. Alec just groaned. He enjoyed it. His head was spinning and Magnus worked his way expertly. Alec didn’t have to do anything, which was probably best taken his current state of mind and drunkenness into consideration. Soon Magnus had them both entirely naked and Alec’s heart was racing. Magnus kissed him softly, probably intending to calm him down, but it only aroused Alec more and his heart sped up. He couldn’t divide his nerves from his excitement, and so he stopped trying and just leaned into the kiss, feeling Magnus’ fingers prepare him like the other day. The feeling was already familiar and Alec craved more.   
“Magnus,” he breathed without knowing he said his name out loud.  
“What?” Magnus whispered into his ear.   
“I…” Alec didn’t know what else to say, he’d just been moaning his boyfriend’s name dreamily. For some reason Magnus didn’t know what he wanted as he usually did, and Alec realized it was because the older man was nervous too. “Are you going to fuck me?” Alec found confidence. Magnus chuckled and kissed his jawline.   
“Only if you want me to?”  
“I want you,” Alec breathed. Magnus’ eyebrows quirked. “…to,” Alec added.  
Magnus leaned over to the bedside table and got something from the drawer. Alec heard him pop the lid and felt the cold liquid on Magnus’ fingers. He wrapped his legs around Magnus’ waist and Magnus slowly pressed against him. Alec reached around Magnus’ back and dug his nails into his boyfriend’s back. Having Magnus inside him hurt, but not in an unpleasant way, he only had to adjust. He held his breath without meaning to, and Magnus brushed his cheeks softly with his thumbs, while holding himself up on his elbows.   
“Are you sure you don’t want to stop?” Magnus kissed him softly, and it made everything better.  
“No. Please go deeper,” Alec said, not liking how his voice sounded different in his own ears. Magnus went deeper and Alec felt like he might explode. He groaned loudly and pulled his hands back, digging them into the sheets instead, so he wouldn’t hurt Magnus. This was so much better than Magnus fingering him – the man was still able to hit just the right spot and it made Alec feel like his body dissolved under him. “Oh god, do that again,” he exclaimed and Magnus grinned down at him, but obliged. Although it felt incredible once Alec was getting used to the feeling, he was still able to last longer than the last time, but after several minutes of whimpering, moaning, rubbing, thrusting and calling of names and fucks, Alec came harder than ever. “Nnnnnng,” he exclaimed through gritted teeth, closing his eyes as he couldn’t see straight. It might have been partly due to booze, but it was definitely also partly due to orgasm. Magnus let his head fall down on Alec’s chest and Alec pulled his arms around Magnus, to keep him on top of him. His pulse was racing faster than ever and he was breathing like he’d just run a marathon. Magnus turned his head once in a while to kiss Alec’s bare chest, but he didn’t break the silence. Alec enjoyed the quietness as he came back to himself, and realized how sober he was all of a sudden. “Gosh, I’m such a fucking bottom,” he said after several minutes of silence. Magnus broke into fits of giggles and it shook all the way through Alec’s body as well, making him laugh with his boyfriend.   
“That’s what you should say when you come out to your parents,” Magnus replied.  
“Shh. Don’t ruin the moment,” Alec hushed and closed his eyes, destroying the imagination of his parents’ reaction to when he decided to bring home Magnus one day.


	11. Come Out for Dinner

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is nervous about coming out to his parents, but Izzy and Magnus are both great supports. Alec and Izzy have a real brother/sister moment.

As Alec entered the music room for practice, he noticed the only ones there were the girls.   
“Where’s Jace?” he wondered.   
“Who knows,” Izzy rolled her eyes. Clary flushed and Alec stepped closer to her.   
“He needed a shower,” she said in a low voice. Alec smirked.   
“I guess you got the flowers?” Alec asked. Clary tried to suppress her smile, but gave up quickly and it reached the surface. Clary and Jace had probably been in bed all weekend, just like he and Magnus had. Izzy looked annoyed, and more so than usual. “Where’s Simon?”   
“Probably charging his camera,” Izzy said grumpily.   
“Who bit you in the ass?” Alec joked.  
“Why? What did you hear?” Izzy replied with no humor at all. Even her jokes came out flat today.   
“Izzy…” Alec meant to step closer, when Simon stumbled into the room and Izzy moved to get her bass guitar. Simon looked nervous as soon as he laid eyes on her and Alec had to rub his eyes with his fingers to erase the image he suddenly got behind his eyelids. “This band is going to shit, isn’t it?”  
“What do you mean?” Clary wondered.   
“You and Jace are clearly very happy together right now, let’s hope that lasts,” Alec added the last part in a mumble. “These two,” he pointed at his sister and Simon, “probably tried to make it work, but clearly it didn’t.” Izzy shot her brother a sharp look of surprise and anger. She obviously thought he wouldn’t notice, because usually her big brother didn’t notice these things. Alec rolled his eyes.   
“Oh, we made it work. Simon has all the proof of it,” Izzy spat. Simon looked speechless for a moment, his eyes ran over the two others.   
“Tell me you didn’t?” Alec sighed. Clary was trying to conceal her shock, which was weird, because if anyone, she knew Simon the best. They’d grown up together, and Alec didn’t think there was a single detail these two didn’t know about each other, so surely Simon would have already told her if he’d filmed himself and Izzy.   
“It was an accident!” Simon tried to defend himself.  
“Alec, isn’t that what all boys say. They just accidentally filmed you having sex?!” Izzy raised her voice. Alec had to sit down or he might get dizzy and faint due to this conversation.   
“Please don’t let me be part of this, I beg of you,” Alec said. Now Jace finally joined them, though Alec couldn’t imagine how that would make the situation any better.   
“What’s going on?” he asked.   
“Let me get you up to speed, while you and Clary were having sex on roses…”  
“Violets,” Jace corrected.  
“Violets, these two morons were filming themselves,” Alec explained.   
“Doing what?” Jace wondered. Alec shot him a look. Jace was never really clueless. “Oh, right. Okay. I don’t know how to respond to that. Do we high five?”  
“Let me high five you in your face!” Izzy exclaimed and ran out of the room.   
“Should I go after her?” Simon wondered. Everyone looked stunned for a moment.  
“Yes!” the three of them said in unison. Simon stormed out of the room and after Izzy.   
“I was thinking we should start planning the set for L.A. today?” Clary suggested, and Alec was grateful that she changed the subject. The music festival in L.A. seemed so far away, but it was right around the corner and Alec was starting to get excited about it. Mainly because he was going to meet Aline’s girlfriend, Helen, for the first time in person. She’d always just been in the background, whenever Aline and Alec had skyped.   
“That’s probably a good idea,” Alec agreed.  
“And we should definitely play some of your newer songs. I mean, we want people to notice us, right?” Clary said. Alec smiled. He wanted Clary to have all of his songs if she would have them, but she and Magnus had made it clear to him that they shouldn’t. So Alec had just saved a selected few, which he hadn’t shown Tessa Gray, but had saved for the band and for Clary. He couldn’t wait for Aline to hear them.   
“Do you think that was their first time?” Jace wriggled his eyebrows. Clary and Alec stared at him. He probably hadn’t heard what they were talking about, and was still thinking about Izzy and Simon.   
“Who cares?”  
“Izzy probably does, if he had the balls to film them the first time.”  
“Maybe it was an honest accident?” Clary offered. Jace just laughed.   
“I don’t care what happened, I just want them to get over it, so we can get on with the preparations for the festival,” Alec sighed. At that Izzy and Simon came back into the room. Izzy still didn’t look happy, and Simon still looked humiliated. “Are you good?” Alec asked carefully.  
“Fine,” Izzy said. “By the way, I meant to tell you. Mom wants us home for dinner on Thursday,” she added.  
“I know, she sent me a text, like she does every weekend,” Alec rolled his eyes. He always just made up excuses for why he couldn’t make it. They didn’t know much of what was going on in Alec’s life at the moment.  
“Can you please make it this time? So I don’t have to give her lame excuses about not knowing what you’re up to. Mom is getting suspicious. She probably thinks you’re on drugs or in a gang or something,” Izzy said.  
“Then it will be like a relief to tell her you’re just gay,” Jace offered brightly. Alec scowled at his friend.   
“Oh yeah, pure joy,” Alec replied. “Maybe I should just bring Magnus and get it over with?”  
“Only if you never plan on seeing Magnus ever again,” Izzy snorted.   
“Right, because your parents would kill Magnus and hide him in the basement?” Simon joked. Izzy just gave him a dubious look, and he dropped his amusement instantly. Izzy turned her eyes back on Alec.  
“Because they will torture him and he will hate you forever,” Izzy shrugged. She was exaggerating, but Alec also knew she was half right. He should go alone, and tell them. At least Izzy would be with him.  
They spent the rest of the afternoon deciding which songs to play for the festival. They had Aline on skype so she could offer her opinion, as she knew most of the songs. She and Helen were going to be there as well, but Aline wasn’t in a new band yet.   
“I hear this new local college band is going to play. It’s a girl band, one of them is actually still in high school. I think they’re going to be your biggest rival here,” Aline mused.  
“It’s not a contest, it’s a festival,” Alec reminded her.  
“Yeah right. And there won’t be record labels here, fighting over the most popular bands. Girl bands are hot right now, it’s a tough competition to be up against,” she shrugged.   
“What’s the band called?” Clary asked.   
“Lady Midnight. I mean, just the name has swag, right?” Aline replied.  
“I’ve heard about them. Isn’t that the band with Emma Carstairs?” Jace asked. Alec knew he recognized the name from somewhere, but he couldn’t quite recall.   
“Yeah, do you know her?”  
“She’s a distant cousin of Will’s best friend,” Jace shrugged. “They got some serious music in that family.”   
“Jem Carstairs?” Alec remembered. Magnus had told him about Jem, and his violin.   
“Yeah, do you know him?” Jace wondered.  
“No. Magnus was in their college band. I’ve only ever met Will and Tessa,” Alec shrugged.   
“Well, Emma is a badass. They all are,” Aline said.   
“Nice of you to keep us updated,” Alec sighed nervously.   
“Any time, bro,” Aline winked.   
…  
“Are you sure you don’t want cue cards?” Magnus asked, eyebrows raised. Alec had been practicing a big coming out speech to his parents, and Magnus was the distressed audience. Of course, he’d managed to make it all the more dramatic, by playing the piano in a tone that fit each sentence. ‘Mom, dad, I’ve been meaning to tell you’ *serious melody* ‘the reason I’ve been so busy is because’ *drama rises in the music* ‘I’ve met someone, who’s helped me a lot as an artist and helped me sell my songs’ *music turns happier* ‘I’ve also been dating this person. His name is Magnus’ *John Williams music*. This was also the part where Alec told Magnus to quit it.   
“Do you think I should get cue cards?” Alec asked nervously.  
“No, I was joking,” Magnus smiled. “Just say whatever comes to mind. It’s going to feel awkward no matter what anyway.”   
“Thanks,” Alec replied flatly. “You obviously don’t know my parents. ‘Awkward’ won’t even begin to cover what I’ll feel.”   
“What’s the worst that can happen?”  
“My dad will sue me?” Alec said, only half-joking. Magnus raised his eyebrows at him again. “Or kill me. He’s like a real life Viola Davis, he will know how to get away with murder.”   
“I love Viola Davis. He sounds like a charming man,” Magnus winked. “Also, Viola Davis is the actress, not the character. She is real life.”   
“Ugh!” Alec groaned and sat down on the couch. Magnus joined him and started to run his fingers through Alec’s hair. Alec loved it whenever he did that, so he just relaxed under the touch.   
“You know you’ve got me worried now, right?” Magnus said with compassion in his eyes, as Alec looked up at him. “Will you do me a favor and come here after your dinner? So I know you’re alright?”   
“That will be an easy favor. Unless they lock me up in their basement to keep me away from you,” Alec replied as sweetly as he could.   
“You have a vivid imagination, Alec Lightwood,” Magnus smiled softly.   
…  
The days until Thursday night had been a blur to Alec. He’d gone through the past few days with sweaty palms and his head in a bundle. Izzy practically had to drag him out of his room to go to his parents’. She’d promised him she totally had his back, but it didn’t really comfort him that much. He knew she had his back, she was his sister and his friend. It wasn’t something he hadn’t already known.   
Robert and Maryse looked happy to see them, which was good at least. Max came running towards him with open arms. He missed Max the most after leaving home. Fortunately, Maryse hadn’t tried to cook, even though she did make a big deal out of Alec coming home for dinner. She’d ordered from a catering firm. Alec remembered a time when he and Izzy had to cook their own dinner, and before that there had been nannies. Luckily, Max still had a nanny, now that Izzy and Alec were out of the apartment. He couldn’t imagine how terribly wrong it could go if Max were to cook. He would probably forget to turn off the stove, because he was too caught up in a comic book, and burn down the entire building.   
“So Alec, tell us what you’ve been up to?” Maryse asked, once dinner had been served.   
“Uhm, well, I’ve been writing quite a few songs. I’ve actually applied to change major. I want to compose music,” he began. Already, he could tell the disappointment in his father’s expression. Maryse was better at hiding hers. Even Izzy looked a bit nervous.  
“Alec has actually been selling some of his songs. You know the singer Tessa Gray?” Izzy said. Alec knew it was hopeless to brag. His dad hadn’t believed in music since The Beatles broke up.   
“The name rings a bell,” Maryse said.   
“She’s totally going to be the next Adele. Except, she’s American,” Izzy shrugged. It was odd to see, how Izzy, who was usually so passionate about music, seemed more shy and humble about it, when telling their parents. It made Alec realize how much influence his parents really had on them, even if it wasn’t always the good kind of influence. They were a huge disappointment to the family of lawyers and politicians. It saddened Alec that Max would probably grow up to be a lawyer as well, when all he probably wanted was to do multi media design or something else equally nerdy.   
“The next Madonna?” Maryse offered brightly, to Alec’s surprise.  
“Well, she’s not exactly a fashion icon on the side. But I guess you could say that,” Izzy shrugged. Alec gave Izzy the silent look that said he agreed with her; Tessa was totally the next Adele – she didn’t show off in small outfits in her music videos. All there was to Tessa was her voice and her charisma, because that was enough.  
“So you’re making money on this project?” Robert broke in.  
“Yeah, I guess, I’ll make money along the way as well. Right now I only just got enough to start saving up,” Alec explained, because he knew that was something his father wanted to hear.   
“That’s good,” Robert nodded.  
“So that’s why you’ve been so busy?” Maryse wondered. “Writing songs?”  
“Erh…” Alec felt his pulse race. It felt like he might be having a heart attack.  
“It’s been quite a lot of songs, because Alec found a muse,” Izzy offered her help. Alec looked at her, but his vision seemed to blur. “Alec?”  
“Yeah. Right. I got a muse,” he shrugged, not really breathing anymore.  
“Really? What’s her name? Maybe I know her family? Don’t tell me, it’s that Penhallow girl?” Robert asked with sudden interest.  
“What, Aline? Dad, I told you, she’s moved to California to live with her girlfriend,” Izzy said with annoyance at her father’s bad memory.   
“Oh, right. What a shame that is. I know her mother. Intelligent woman,” Robert said.   
“Why is that a shame?” Izzy was getting defensive. Alec didn’t like where this was going. It was going to make everything even more difficult.   
“Such great genes going to waste,” Robert said.  
“Lesbians can have kids. Not that I’m saying Aline will, I wouldn’t know. She’s barely nineteen.”   
“Right. Anything is possible these days. It doesn’t make it more right though,” Robert said.   
Izzy was about to get out of her seat, but Alec put his hand on her arm, and she relaxed.   
“Aline is one of our best friends. I don’t appreciate you talking about her like she’s bad news,” Izzy said through gritted teeth.  
“And you’re my daughter, I don’t appreciate you talking to me like this,” Robert was beginning to raise his voice. Alec had to cut in.  
“Magnus!” he exclaimed. Everyone stared at Alec.   
“What’s that, honey?” Maryse asked.  
“My muse. That’s his name,” Alec’s pulse was ringing in his ears. He thought he might faint. Or perhaps the looks his parents were giving him would pierce him and he would collapse from the puncture wound. Izzy held her hand up before her mouth. She wasn’t going to say anything now.   
“A male muse? I’ve never heard anything so absurd. What’s the songs about then?” Robert was still clueless. Alec could take it all back and pretend it was simply about himself, visualizing himself through this man. But he was too close. It would only bring him more suffering to extend the news. Alec looked at his sister, and then at his brother. Max was smiling softly. He was thirteen, but he seemed to understand better than his parents. Some people wanted to remain clueless, but Alec couldn’t stand by and watch people’s ignorance anymore. Not when he was the center of it.   
“Love. And finding yourself in another person. He’s amazing, if you’d just get to know him, I’m sure you’ll love him too,” Alec found the words from his heart. Maryse gasped, and Robert’s face twitched.   
“No,” Maryse said. “You’re not…”   
Alec sniggered.  
“You can’t even say the word. That’s how conservative you are,” Alec said.   
“Honey, I...” she began. Alec was already on his feet. He didn’t want to be part of his parents’ judgment, or even worse, compassion.   
“What, mom?” Alec turned to her with a look of exhaustion. He’d spent the past week worrying about their reaction. He was tired.   
“Are you sure you want to compose music?” she asked.  
“Yes, it’s the only thing I’m truly good at,” he said.   
“Then I cannot say that I support you,” she said.  
“That’s the only thing you won’t support?” he asked with disbelief and little care left.   
“Alec…” she started, but never finished what she was going to say. It was almost as if she stopped herself. Her expression said everything though; she was disappointed. Alec looked at Robert one last time, and it seemed to make his father even more uncomfortable. So Alec left the dinner in the middle of the main course. Izzy ran after him. He heard Max talk to his parents rudely, and he too followed shortly.   
“Wait up, I’m coming with you,” Izzy said. Max appeared behind her. He gave Alec a hug, and Alec held on to his little brother.   
“I miss you,” Max said.   
“I miss you too, Max. You know you can always take the bus to see me at campus, right? Just text me before, so I know to be there,” Alec said.  
“I know,” Max replied.   
“Love you, little man,” Izzy ruffled his hair.  
“Don’t call him that,” Alec said at the same time Max said, “don’t call me that.” And the three of them laughed together.   
“Everything will be better in college,” Alec promised with a wink.  
“I can’t wait,” Max sighed, and gave Alec one last squeeze. Just as the two of them were about to leave, Max spoke again. “When can I meet Magnus?”  
“Whenever you’d like,” Alec smiled.   
“Now?” Max asked eagerly. Alec looked at Izzy, and she mirrored his concern.  
“Maybe now isn’t such a good time? We don’t need more reason for mom and dad to dislike me?”   
“They don’t dislike you. They’re just old,” Max retorted.   
“You’re so smart. Would you do me a favor?” Izzy asked their little brother.  
“What?” he asked with suspicion.  
“Would you go into psychology or social science? That would really piss them off,” she winked at him.   
“Social science?” Max tasted the words. “Yeah, I like the sound of that,” he added with a smile. Izzy chuckled and kissed him on the cheek.  
“Call us, big man,” she said.   
“Okay. I’ll make them come around,” Max assured them.  
Outside it wasn’t even getting dark yet. They’d barely gotten anything to eat before they left.  
“Should we go to Taki’s?” Izzy smiled at Alec.   
“Sure,” he chuckled. He was surprised that he didn’t even feel that bad. Maybe it was because he was already so alienated from his parents that it hardly mattered what they thought of him now. He’d spent so much time coming to terms with how much they hated his choice in college that he couldn’t care less now.   
Izzy ordered burgers and milkshakes for both of them and they settled down in their usual booth.   
“I’m totally telling Magnus you just yelled his name at the dinner table,” Izzy grinned, before biting down on her burger. Alec couldn’t help but laugh.   
“He will be so flattered,” Alec joked along with his sister. “I can’t believe you outed Magnus as my muse.”  
“I’m sorry. I know that’s even bigger than telling them he was your boyfriend,” Izzy shrugged apologetically. “I just got so nervous suddenly, on your behalf. I didn’t know what I was saying,” she added.   
“I hardly think they will know the significance of it anyway,” Alec shrugged.   
“Right, ‘cause they’re morons,” Izzy smirked.  
“Hey, don’t do that. Don’t…” Alec sighed. It was exactly what he’d been thinking, but it only made them as bad as their parents.   
“What’s wrong?”  
“We shouldn’t stoop to their level,” Alec said.   
“Aww, look at you. My big brother, with the big heart,” Izzy teased.  
“Shut up,” he replied with endearment. Suddenly, Izzy’s expression changed into something more serious.   
“You know what? The band has always felt more like family than our actual family,” she said quietly.   
“Izzy…”  
“You don’t think so?” she asked with hope in her voice. Alec knew she was probably right. Jace had always felt like their brother. Aline had been their odd sister slash mother, because she was always the one asking questions, when no one else dared raise any.   
“Yeah, I think you’re right,” he smiled. She looked satisfied with his answer and ate the rest of her burger in silence. “What’s really going on with you and Simon?” he asked, because he felt like they were having one of those rare sibling moments. She looked up at him with a smile that told him it was the right thing to ask at the moment. She seemed to really like Simon. Alec liked him too, but he would never admit it. It had become almost too enjoyable to torture Simon with the idea that he would never give him the time of day.   
“Simon,” she began. “He’s kind of cute, isn’t he?” Alec just frowned. “Right. Not your type. I get it.”   
“Izzy?”   
“I got hurt,” she said, with a kind of trembling voice. He reached over the table and caught her hand. “You know Meliorn never cared about me. Simon cares. He cares,” she shrugged at the last part.   
“He seems to care,” Alec tried to smile. It was difficult not to get offended when someone hurt his sister. “Tell me what happened.”   
Her eyes met his and they looked troubled, as if for once, there was something she felt reluctant to tell him.   
“Izzy, please. Something is bothering you, and if you don’t talk to anyone else about it… did you talk to Clary?” he asked. Because if he could be without the girl talk with his sister, he would prefer it, but he also loved her enough that if she didn’t have anyone else, since Aline wasn’t around much anymore, then he would lend his ear to whatever she wanted to talk about.   
“No. She’s his best friend, and I don’t want to put her in that position,” she shrugged.   
“What happened between you?”   
“You know we’ve flirted ever since they joined the band?”  
“I’ve been trying to ignore it,” he admitted. Izzy sniggered.   
“Well, I finally figured out that he was into some of the same things I was into,” Izzy was starting to sound hesitant. Alec didn’t want to be the big brother who let go of his sister’s hand the moment she brought up something that might deviate from the norm, because after tonight he might be able to relate to that.   
“Okay?” Alec said with the same hesitation.   
“So we tried it out. And the son of a bitch filmed us,” she explained bitterly, and retrieved her hand, leaning back in her seat.   
“Do you want me to kick his ass?” Alec joked. Well, he probably would kick Simon’s ass out of the band if Izzy asked him to, but then they would lose Clary as well, and he wouldn’t like that very much. It would be the end of The Mortal Instruments. Izzy gave a weak laugh. “You really like him?”  
“I thought he was a decent guy, you know?”   
He hated anyone who would give his sister this expression of hopelessness.   
“Maybe it was an accident,” Alec said, and she scowled at him. “No, hear me out. He’s a geek, his camera is always on. What if it was an honest mistake?” Alec was trying to stop himself, but he couldn’t. He had to put his sister’s happiness before his own.   
“You sound just like him,” she replied flatly. Alec frowned.   
“I’m just saying, I’ve never seen you care about a guy like this before. Maybe you should give him a second chance?”  
“You don’t even like Simon?”  
“Sure I do,” he replied quickly, but his tone revealed how he really felt. “If you like him, then I like him too,” he added.   
“You know, if I didn’t have two brothers, I would say you were the best brother in the world.”  
“Max is pretty great, isn’t he?” Alec smiled.   
“He totally is,” she replied, with tears in her eyes.   
“Hey,” Alec went around the table and sat next to Izzy.  
“I can’t believe I was surprised at mom and dad’s reaction tonight,” she wiped away her tears, before he could put his arm around her.   
“They’ll come around,” he assured her, although he had no idea if they would. “Would you,” he began with a new idea, “come with me to Magnus’?” He didn’t want Izzy to be alone tonight.   
“I thought, maybe I would go to Simon’s,” she shrugged. Alec smiled.  
“That’s a good idea,” he replied.   
…  
Magnus opened his door wearing nothing but boxers, a kimono and a glass of wine.  
“Thank God you’re here. I thought you were locked up in a basement somewhere in the Upper East Side,” Magnus said dramatically. Alec went inside with a grin.   
“No. I just went out for dinner with Izzy,” he said.  
“Oh,” Magnus’ expression dropped. “I assume it didn’t go well then?”  
“We left in the middle of the main course. We were still hungry,” Alec shrugged, and went to the couch. Magnus and Chairman Meow were watching RuPaul’s Drag Race. Alec shot Magnus a look.  
“I binge on RuPaul whenever I’m anxious,” he shrugged apologetically.   
“I yelled your name during dinner,” Alec tried not to laugh at the thought.  
“Really?”   
“Izzy was great.”  
“Of course she was,” Magnus smiled softly, and Alec couldn’t help but get to his feet again and kiss the man in front of him softly.   
“Max wanted to come with us, but of course he couldn’t. It would only make them hate us more,” Alec said, knowing he was putting a lot of his frustrations on Magnus.  
“I can’t imagine how anyone, least of all your parents, would hate you,” he said in a low voice.   
“My parents are not like your mom, Magnus,” Alec said, but regretted it as soon as he saw the expression on Magnus’ face – he looked hurt. “Shit. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bring her up. It’s just so unfair,” Alec sighed.  
“What? That I got the kind and loving parent?” Magnus stepped back and away from him.  
“No. No,” Alec closed his eyes to rid himself from tears. “That your mom got cancer, when she was the most loving and understanding parent I’ve ever met,” he explained. Tears were running down Magnus’ cheeks now, and Alec cursed himself for having reminded him of his mother. Of course, he probably didn’t need reminding, because Alec knew how she was on his mind every day. “I’m sorry.”  
“Alec, you shouldn’t wish that on anyone, good or bad,” Magnus said softly.   
“I just said it wasn’t fair.”  
“I know. And I love you for that, but… your parents will come around, if they know what’s good for them,” Magnus said.  
“Maybe if they just met you…”  
“If your parents disapprove of you becoming a musician, do you really believe they would like me?” Magnus asked. He had a point. He always had a point.   
“Right, let’s just ignore them and travel far far away,” Alec replied, and Magnus chuckled.  
“We’ll travel to L.A. soon, if you want me with you that is?”  
“Of course! Really? You can come with us?” Alec felt ecstatic suddenly.   
“Most of my students are cramming for exams that weekend anyway, so I’ll be off work long enough to go with you,” Magnus said.  
“That’s… that’s amazing, Magnus. As if I needed another excuse to be excited about the festival,” Alec smiled.   
“Would you like a glass of wine?” Magnus offered. He was still holding his glass. Alec gratefully accepted the offer, and they sat down to watch RuPaul’s Drag Race together. Alec didn’t really like the show, it was too much drama for his taste, and Magnus probably knew that much, but none of them said anything about it. Instead, Alec was just happy that he’d finally told his parents. They would come around, but in the meantime, he just enjoyed having someone like Magnus in his life, making it so much more interesting.   
“What do you think my drag persona would be?” Alec wondered, after two episodes. Alec had never binged on a TV show before, and it felt like he was now. Magnus leaned away from him a bit, to look at him, as if studying his inner drag queen.   
“Well, a good way to come up with a drag name is by using the name of your first pet and the street where you grew up?” Magnus said. Alec narrowed his eyes, because surely that would not make up a very good drag name.   
“Church 96th Street,” Alec frowned. Magnus grimaced.  
“Well that won’t do. Okay, let me think,” Magnus said. Alec knew he was going to come up with something funny any minute, so he just waited patiently for the next few seconds. “Lauren Order.”  
It was very difficult for Alec not to snigger at the reply, and he cursed himself for thinking it was funny. “You know, since your parents are judges and lawyers and what not.”  
“Yeah, I got that,” Alec grinned. Alec knew the internet was full of great ways to come up with names, so he found his phone and searched for a name generator, turning his screen away from Magnus so he couldn’t see it. He typed in his boyfriend’s name and it gave him a suggestion. “Yours would be Charlamaine Monroe,” Alec smirked.   
“That sounds classy, but…” Magnus leaned in and kissed Alec below his ear “I would probably go for something more obvious though, like…” he licked the skin up to Alec’s ear as a pause, “Penny Tration.” Alec laughed out loud, and pushed Magnus down on the couch, pinning him there with his thighs on each side of Magnus’ waist.   
“Or…” Alec peeked down at his phone, “Sofonda Cox,” he read. He was so bad at coming up with names, he wasn’t even trying to hide that it wasn’t his own imagination.   
“No that would be a very good name for you, babe,” Magnus said under his breath. Alec chuckled.   
“Right. We would be a great duo, Sofonda Cox and Penny Tration?” Alec was now slowly giving up on this conversation, as Magnus kept seducing him with touches and kisses. Alec’s shirt came off, and Magnus’ followed soon.   
“Now that’s an act I would want to see,” Magnus whispered.   
“Well, if you play your cards right, maybe you will tonight,” Alec grinned.  
“I already got your shirt off, I say I’m doing pretty good,” Magnus said, and the words came out as a challenge. Alec studied his face for a moment, and then decided to tease him a bit, so he got off the couch and grabbed his shirt. “What are you doing?” Magnus didn’t seem worried.  
“I got inspired, I should go,” Alec lied. He wasn’t so inspired he had to leave right away, but he liked Magnus’ reaction.   
“That’s too bad, because, shante, you stay,” Magnus reached out for Alec’s wrist and pulled him down on top of him again.   
“You need to up your game, if you want to keep your right to your drag name. It seems that right now Sofonda Cox has the advantage,” Alec looked down at Magnus, and quicker than Alec had expected him to, and with much more ease than he thought possible considering Alec’s weight compared to Magnus’, the man turned the two of them around so Alec was now underneath Magnus. “Touché.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoy this story, in case you have suggestions/ideas let me know. I'm always happy to receive pointers and comments :)


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